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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or silly to miss my counselling session?

37 replies

BlueCrayon · 10/08/2017 12:53

I'm supposed to leave the house soon. But for financial reasons, I have to make this my final session. i do like the counsellor but find her quite assertive in her emails about certain things relating to appointment times and payment arrangements.

i have always paid in advance and never cancelled or been unreliable, but did once misinterpret her request for payment - i thought it just had to be at some time before the session but it had to be a certain number of days in advance, so she reiterated her demand and i felt reprimanded.

i have never been given any written terms and conditions so i don't know what they actually, tbh.

she has not responded to either email sent yesterday or today about making this my final session so am now worried i'm going to be in trouble for not giving notice.

i think i'm going to skip the session (which I've paid for) as i haven't had a reply so now feel uncomfortable not knowing if she is ok with my decision.

AIBU or silly?

OP posts:

Mxyzptlk · 10/08/2017 12:54

You should go.
Clearly there is a personality clash but after today you don't have to see her again. Great!

Original poster

BlueCrayon · 10/08/2017 12:55

i don't think there is a personality clash. i do like her but i think i might find her a bit intimidating. i don't want to go only to be told I've failed to give notice or something!

OP posts:

Mxyzptlk · 10/08/2017 12:56

If she tries to make you feel 'in trouble', don't let her. But don't stay at home worrying and feeling you chickened out.

Original poster

BlueCrayon · 10/08/2017 12:58

TBH mxy, i feel so stressed about going now it'd probably be counter productive :(

OP posts:

Bobbiepin · 10/08/2017 13:01

I wouldn't miss it but knowing this is your final session maybe give her some feedback. I sometimes need things spelled out to me (very clear instructions) so I imagine others seeing a counsellor would be the same and she needs to work on that.

Have you got someone else lined up to talk to?

MrsZB · 10/08/2017 13:02

Hi OP, In my experience there isn't a notice period in counselling. You are well within your rights to finish. She may want to explore why you want to finish though. Good luck x

ImperialBlether · 10/08/2017 13:03

Did you originally book for a set number of sessions?

I would say that rule number one re counsellors is they shouldn't make you feel worse!

Original poster

BlueCrayon · 10/08/2017 13:05

hi mrs, thanks for your response. i have explained the financial reasons to her in my email. i would happily keep going if it wasn't so expensive. i am just worried that i will have breached some sort of contract and that a stressful convo about that will dominate the session.i know you say that notice period aren't the norm, but is paying beforehand the norm?

OP posts:

Original poster

BlueCrayon · 10/08/2017 13:05

imperial, i didn't book a set number of sessions but its been at a regular time for couple of months.

OP posts:

Mxyzptlk · 10/08/2017 13:06

If you really can't face going, send an email just saying sorry you can't make it today and confirming that you don't want to book any more sessions

Then you've dealt with it and haven't let her down in any way.

Original poster

BlueCrayon · 10/08/2017 13:09

mxy, i will do that but i do feel a bit annoyed that she has not responded to two emails. it's the lack of confirmation that she understands that it is my final session that is making me feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:

KindleBueno · 10/08/2017 13:09

Could it be that in trying to ensure she is being professional her email tone is quite direct?

chipscheeseandgravy · 10/08/2017 13:10

Being firm may be her only way of making sure people pay. I assume she prefers payment x amount of days before the session so she can confirm payment before the session starts as opposed to someone transferring the money whilst they sit in the waiting room.

If you can't afford it don't continue. You have emailed her stating you wish to stop sessions. She may take a few days to process all emails. She may wish to speak about it at the end of today's session.

MrsZB · 10/08/2017 13:10

Hi again, I just pay per session at the end which is normal. But I think some counsellors do ask for payment in advance. If you haven't seen a contract then she can't hold you to anything. She should have told you if there is a notice period. But as I said, I have never heard of that.

I'm concerned that you feel so worried about this. It would be a shame to miss your final session that you have paid for.

Tbh even if she does have a notice period just tell her that she didn't tell you about it and don't pay anymore. She can't do anything xx

Original poster

BlueCrayon · 10/08/2017 13:10

i think it is partly that but it was definitley a gentle reprimand which i felt was unfair given the lack of written terms.

OP posts:

Ridingthegravytrain · 10/08/2017 13:14

If there are no written terms you can't be breaking any form of contract so don't worry. And if you are stressed and don't want to go, don't go

It is a bit rude not to reply to the email imo. Even to just say that's fine let's discuss is on Thursday or whatever

MrsZB · 10/08/2017 13:15

How many sessions have you had OP?

Original poster

BlueCrayon · 10/08/2017 13:16

chips, i hear what you are saying but my payment was in no objective sense ever late. her wording was very, very ambiguous to the point that i had to read it several times to understand why she was treating it as an almost late payment. i think that just set me up about feeling anxious about the payment arrangements.

thanks all for your advice.

OP posts:

mamatiger83 · 10/08/2017 13:16

This should have been discussed during your initial meeting prior to commencing sessions. Ending a counselling relationship is significant regardless of why it is ending so I would say to attend the session if you can and talk about this.

Original poster

BlueCrayon · 10/08/2017 13:17

um... maybe 7-8 sessions.

OP posts:

imamouseduh · 10/08/2017 13:17

You won't get any closure unless you go.

MrsZB · 10/08/2017 13:21

Well you don't have to go. But it could be good learning.

When do you have to decide?

Original poster

BlueCrayon · 10/08/2017 13:23

in about 5 mins max!

OP posts:

CotswoldStrife · 10/08/2017 13:25

Go.

NotMyPenguin · 10/08/2017 13:26

I think you should feed back to her that you felt disappointed not to have received a response to your cancellation email, and that the lack of reply made you feel anxious about coming to the final session.

I think she needs to know the effect that her communication has on people and that this is constructive for her (and good for you to get it off your chest too!).

If there were no terms and conditions outlined in your initial contract / discussions with this person, then she really can't insist on any more notice than you've given.

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