AIBU to tell Dads family to swivel re. Christmas?

[jitterbug5]

More of a WWYD, curious to see what you think! Quite a long post to avoid drip feeding, sorry!

Currently 23 yo and 32 weeks pregnant. My entire childhood we have spent Christmas Eve (Dads birthday), Christmas Day and Boxing Day with my dads side (my grandparents, my aunt and uncle and their young son)
No real particular reason, just one of those things that has became 'tradition' I suppose.

Grandma on my other side was widowed about 10 yrs ago and she would alternate between coming with us and to her other daughters (mums sisters). However my Mum massively missed out on a lot of Christmases spent with her family as we just went with my dads side (if that makes any sense).

Grandma on mums side remarried a few years ago and although they were still invited at Christmas it just isn't 'doable' as families are expanding, as they do!

As it stands, uncle is very poorly (heart problem the same as CG). However my grandma on mums side was recently (the last 2 months) diagnosed with cancer. My mum, at this point, has said that for Christmas Eve this year she would like to do it at her house, with myself, DH and our son, my sisters and partners and her mum and dad. She physically couldn't accommodate for anymore. Christmas Day and Boxing Day would still be spent with dads side, the only change here is Christmas Eve.

Dads side have turned on mum, saying things like 'well if that's how it is we'll have to accept it but worried Uncle will miss out' and generally making my poor Mum, who has been the only one to compromise for years, feel a bit shit.

I'm not wrong to say Dads side are being VVU am I? Honestly shocked at how they are being with Mum and wanted to get outsiders opinion before I got involved!

LittleOwl that sounds horrendous!!! Why did she suddenly decide she wanted to go home!?

Christmas has become more about who you feel you should see and who you actually want to spend your time with. My DG on my mums side, bless her, isn't at all phased and has told my mum not to stress as it's 'just another day!'

I had no idea arguing over who sees who over Christmas is a thing, I'm honestly shocked!! 😂

Suki from everyone's reactions, I'm honestly going to suggest to DH we have this Christmas Day just us 3 at our own home. Given the fact we'll have a newborn I think it'll lessen the blow a bit but like you've said not 'agreeing' to any traditions. Plus, that means mulled wine!

Sad yourself dad has not put his wife or his own family first. Please with no to and fro, go to your mum.

She just decided! She packed her bag and everything. (because she'd arranged to go to the pub with friends on boxing day eve but didn't bother to say before hand, just expected people to jump!)

I agree with hatsoncats.

Learn a lesson from me and keep Christmas Day to just you, the baby and your significant other. We didn't and have ended up hosting every year and tiptoeing around everyone else with no regard to what we want to do

Let your father dictate or stand up for yourself. Your choice.

Don't allow your child to be a weapon.

Ugh I sympathise OP, we have a similar issue with my side and DPs side both wanting Christmas Day. It was a disaster last year and it was the first since DPs mum died and his side of the family now seem to think Christmas Day is theirs forever more, whereas I want to include my elderly relatives before it's too late.

In your position I would put your foot down and spend Christmas Eve at least (and I would probably do Christmas Day too) with your mums side of the family as your dads side have had every other year. Unfortunately there is no way to make these decisions without a huge side order of guilt from someone, sorry you have to deal with it too. Because it will be your first with baby, could you have one day either side of Christmas with each side of the family and Christmas Day on your own with the new baby? If I could turn back time I would be doing this as it was no fun having a grumpy baby in a strange house overnight. Make your own traditions and stick to it, there is no reason people can't pop in on you at some point in the day but not hang around all day.