Little back story. I have 2 DC 7 and 4. My eldest a girl was diagnosed with ASD at 5 and also has a sensory processing disorder. She is quite bright but cannot cope with normal things like eating and brushing teeth etc. We have had considerable and effective support from gosh and she is now functioning well, putting in weight and growing etc although suffers from anxiety and we are supporting her with this.
My mum is very supportive of us and her and has managed to help her eat certain foods etc. She also stands up for us when my brother comments that she doesn't have asd and it's just a label 🤔 And that we treat her like she's precious and spoil her. A particular recent issue is the private ed that she (and my son) receive which means she can have small class sizes and has someone sit with her to eat at lunch otherwise she would not. Last night we were discussing the recent changes in her anxiety and that we've also noticed her short term memory is really poor (e.g she will forget where she is going but can tell you the uk monarchs from the Middle Ages in order ) mum then launched into a massive tirade that we put too much pressure on her and can't expect her to do well academically, especially in maths because I was so bad at maths. When I pointed out her father has an A at A level maths and a degree in a maths related subject she just kept telling me that I was so bad at maths and I shouldn't expect anything different.
I struggle massively with standing up to her. All I could manage last night was: I think you've gone too far and eventually she did stop. But I just feel really let down and unable to get it out of my head.
I had a similar event about a month ago. I've signed up to do a bike ride-75 miles for women's cancer. I'm overweight and I didn't (I do now) own a bike. Mum told me I shouldn't be doing it and it's too much for me. That 75 miles is too long and I should pull out. Again all I could say is please can we not discuss this in front of the children(my daughter would worry) but I felt as though she had shown no faith in me at all and admittedly after she'd gone I cried. Am I BU to be upset about these things or should I just ignore. Any tips for dealing with this kind of stuff?
Sorry for the long post