To not want to trick someone into meeting me?

[Dontgiveaflyingfuck]

My older sister A is adopted and has a biological younger sister B she is in touch with. Its very complicated as both of these people are my cousins. Agaisnt my families wishes B was adopted outside of the family. She is now 25 and has made it clear that bar A she wants no relationship with any one else from her birth family. A however really struggles with this as she wants a "united" family.

My baby sister is getting married on Friday and tomorrow we are all gathering for the wedding. It happens to be Bs home town and A has plans to meet her. She has just rung me to suggest i could be at the meeting point and act all surprised so i could meet B. I think A is expecting B to suddenly realise she wants to know her bio family but if i was B i'd be bloody pissed off to be tricked into meeting someone i didn't want any relationship with!

A is insiting IABU!! Am I? Or do i stick to respecting B?

Don't go. The last thing B needs is to believe her sister is 'against' her too (I'm sure no one is, but from B's point of view, iyswim). That must have been awful being split up from your sibling and feeling rejected by the family so I can understand why she doesn't want anything to do with them. I'd probably feel like that too.

I hope you manage to establish some kind of positive relationship with her in time, but this isn't the right way to go about it.

Just thinking, maybe give A something to take with her to pass on to B from you, just so she knows you care and you're thinking about her?

Why not write a letter to B? A can pass it in and B can have a chance to decide if and when she wants to read the letter. She may well feel deceived by A if you just appear.

A is being totally U, not you. She has no right to force her sister into meetings she is not (and may never be) ready for and risks alienating her altogether.

I agree with above. I wouldn't like being forced into meeting anyone.

So angry! I text A and clearly told her i wasn't meeting B and said i was taking the kids to the park instead. A turned up with B who was predictably furious and has gone home early instead of spending the evening with A. I never thought she'd trick me - i honestly told her the park so she could avoid it. As gone off really upset leaving me with her son. So now i have 4 kids in a strange city one with ASD and one with ADHD. Just utterly mad.

Oh and my mother wrote a letter to B on her 21st birthday stating that we had always cared for her and a cheque for the money that various family members had added too. It was a no contact adoption so every birthday/christmas my family put gift money into an account. In the letter mam said none of us would contact her again but our door was always open if B wanted to ask questions or build a relationship. Thats when B responded thanking everyone for respecting it was her choice and that she didn't want any contact. Which we have all respected up until now.

Well, A only has herself to blame. I wouldn't have much sympathy for her, tbh.

Not your fault that A has no respect for anyone else's feelings.

AND she's dumped her kid on you. Nice.