To think single mums can't date?

[SilverdaleGlen]

All the time I hear on here that mums should never introduce any man to their kids until they are absolutely sure there is a fair shot at them sticking around a while (well as sure as you can be). And I absolutely agree, it's best for the kids.

However what that means in reality is if you are a single mum, with a useless ex and support system babysitting either non existent or used for work or limited to a fairly reasonable night out a month, you may as wrk forget seeing anyone.

AIBU to think if you do try to see someone other than sneaking the odd coffee in during maybe working hours you will spend your entire time saying you aren't free/can't get out/giving big belly laughs at the idea of a night away

Go for coffee at lunchtime to weed out the nutters. Met DH as a LP. Think we had 3 dates before he had to come to mine once DC in bed as I'd used all my babysitting favours. It was enough time to know he wasn't a freak, plus we vaguely knew each other.

One date, then all the other times after that were at my house after the kids had gone to bed. 18 months in now, and he stays over maybe once a month, and the kids see him on those occasions and for days out sometimes. It's limiting but possible.

Know the feeling 😏

DH went along with coffees and lunches only (and on Fridays only) for six months, bless him.

By that time, I knew he was a good guy.

Can't do the kids in bed thing as my whole family live nearby and would notice and think I was hugely irresponsible plus one child waking up and telling daddy despite on the odd occasion he chooses to rock up and a shitstorm of hell would break over my head.

However the rest is inspiring thank you, maybe I'll meet someone willing to put up with the limitations. I've picked someone too demanding at the moment who shall sadly be dropped.

Hard isn't it.

I can't have people over if an evening as my kids don't settle until 9pm now if I'm lucky.

I work school hours so if I'm not at work I have the kids or if I don't have the kids I'm at work.

They are currently seeing their dad every other Sunday and that's it.

Trying to face up to the loneliness for probably a good 10 more years!

I find I can date but the one guy I really liked was put off by what little free time I had because of DD. Interestingly he was a dad of three but of course was not subject to the same constraints as kids lived with mum. Although he sounded supportive of his ex I did have a slight doubt and so haven't lost too much sleep over it.

I'm in the same position op. I'm ds sole parent and what little childcare I have gets used up by work.
I'm not prepared to have people/strangers in my house while ds is asleep, honestly, it leaves me feeling a bit icky...And I'm permanently exhausted so if I tried to watch a movie or something I'd end up falling asleep anyway.
I'm just having to accept that this is how it is.
It's a bit shit.