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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really annoyed

21 replies

Aardfart · 09/08/2017 10:17

I've posted loads on here about living overseas and having few people I connect with. I spoke to DP about how lonely I feel and he's arranged more stuff with his friends I like so that's good.

At work I have a small group of people I can chat to / eat lunch with but AIBU to be super annoyed at what one guy said to me today. Or is this just the straw that broke the camels back and PMT (erghhh - getting over the worst of it now but I've been a raging teary cow for the past couple of days).

Anyway, we were chatting and one guy mentioned he was thinking of switching careers. I wanted to share my experience that in my previous job I saw loads of people at his stage in life who were switching both into and out of our profession (he's only graduated last year so it's hardly a big deal!). But as soon as I said the words "back in..." this other guy rolls his eyes at me. I asked him why to expression and he was so rude! "UK this. UK that. You're not there. It's not relevant" and then went on some bullshit rant about how changing careers was really hard!!

I can't really make waves with him because if I did I'd have literally no-one to speak to here. But it really pissed me off. He was rude right?? Or am I just being oversensitive?

It's not like I talk about the UK all the time or how great it is cause I do have some awareness that would piss everyone off but when we're talking about experiences obviously a lot of mine took place in the UK cause that's where I lived for 25 years. I guess I just put up and shut up.

That felt good to get off my chest...

OP posts:

Original poster

Aardfart · 09/08/2017 10:19

Neither of these guys have a "career" to change - they've worked in the profession for one year!!

OP posts:

PandorasXbox · 09/08/2017 10:21

Yeah he was pretty rude

Witchend · 09/08/2017 10:27

I would suspect that you talk about the UK more Tha you realise. If someone started a sentence like that with "Back in..." I wouldn't leap to the conclusion you were saying "Back in the UK"

Original poster

Aardfart · 09/08/2017 10:29

Maybe I wasn't even going to say that though? I could equally have said back where I used to work. I don't know what I'd have said.

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/08/2017 10:30

He was rude, but I agree with pp in that you probably talk about the UK more than you realise.

PandorasXbox · 09/08/2017 10:32

I thought it was going to be " back in the day "

LambChopsMcGee · 09/08/2017 10:33

Depends whether it was a friendly exasperation or more nasty -- YANBU to feel hurt though.
I would say though, use it as a wake up call to try to talk less about the UK. I am from overseas and I live in the UK, and I know that some people have gotten annoyed with me always harking back to the old country.

It is hard meeting people, I understand that too, but distancing ourselves by always reminding them we are from elsewhere can hinder that.

All the best OP!

CardsforKittens · 09/08/2017 10:36

He was rude. Is he usually rude? If he's usually ok maybe you could let it go this time - sometimes people are rude without really meaning anything by it. But if he's usually rude I'd avoid him: I don't enjoy the company of habitually rude people.

Original poster

Aardfart · 09/08/2017 10:38

But what I was saying wasn't even about the UK? It was about work. So basically I can't talk about anything in my life that happened before I moved because it's no longer relevant?!

Sorry for ranting and thank you for listening. I'm just so fed up with it all.

OP posts:

LurkingHusband · 09/08/2017 10:38

If it's any consolation, the universe is balanced.

Every time my DB visits from the US, almost every sentence is "Back in the states ..."

KimmySchmidt1 · 09/08/2017 10:42

Is the UK very different to where you live now? Is it insensitive of you to keep banging on about the UK? Does it make people feel inferior and as though you are some colonialist patronising the natives?

If so, suggest you stop going on about the UK.

gamerchick · 09/08/2017 10:52

So in other words sit silently if a topic comes up and you haven't experienced it where you are and if asked, take a moment on how to word your answer without mentioning the UK once.

I think I would be hunting out new people to play with.

Bluntness100 · 09/08/2017 10:56

But what I was saying wasn't even about the UK? It was about work. So basically I can't talk about anything in my life that happened before I moved because it's no longer relevant

Ok, deep breath. No one said that. Read the posts again. All that was said was you probably talk about it more than you realise and try to talk about it less. No one said never mention it again because it's no longer relevant or even alluded to it.

timeisnotaline · 09/08/2017 10:58

You can say 'in a previous job'. Of course it's the same thing but if people feel you talk abut the uk a lot you probably do. I would say 'in my x job' Not 'in Australia' , because the work part is what's relevant. I'd try and say uk less.

justilou1 · 09/08/2017 11:00

Wouldn't be millennials, by any chance? RUDE!!!

PugOnToast · 09/08/2017 11:00

I think young people can be very dismissive of older ones in the workplace. Males in particular. My job had a lot of return to work people. I used to find them slow and irritating. The pressure we were under made them seem that way. I was a dismissive twat though.

Maybe you do talk about the UK a lot but he was rude.

I realise how rude I may have been. Students were similarly dismissive of us but deferential to the older ones. Maybe is is all generational

PastaOfMuppets · 09/08/2017 11:10

My family moved around a bit when I was a child and I used to get this too.

A comparison is if you return from the most incredible, life-changing holiday, and you're expected to get over it and not mention it after a day of being back home. No one else is ever as interested as you are to see your photos, hear your stories, etc.

In the nicest possible way, yes he might have been rude but he might be really over hearing your references to back home. You can quietly seethe about it in fear of losing friends (he doesn't sound like a friend, fwiw), take the hint and try to police your references to the UK, tell him off and lose a friend (or acquaintance), or ask other people if they could tell you very honestly if you talk about the UK very often.

It might also be that he thinks you dole out the advice too often and he's over it. I don't think him being a millennial necessarily has anything to do with it. They just might find you remind them of a parent figure and they simply don't care about your life stories if you don't seem to be paying attention to what they want from the conversation?

Also, it doesn't matter that you might not have been intending to say "back in the UK". His immediate thought was 'here we go again with the Back in the UK ...' - shouldn't that tell you that you might need to come up with more topics of discussion?

Original poster

Aardfart · 09/08/2017 12:12

I really don't think I mention the UK that much. I do try and make sure I don't because I know it annoys people. I'll probably notice it more now so I'll see.

He is a millennial but so am I (just a few years older).

Kimmy I think you're probably right. The stereotype that western people have here is being superior and stuck up and getting paid more than the locals for the same job. It's frustrating because if I'm asked "any ideas how we can improve this process" the first couple of times I did answer but then I realised actually it rubs people the wrong way and if I'm asked that question and actually answer I'm the stuck up white girl.

OP posts:

Brittbugs80 · 09/08/2017 12:38

But what I was saying wasn't even about the UK? It was about work

I think what the poster meant was you must say, "back in" more than you realise as as soon as you said back in, that was when he talked across you.

You might not be aware how often you start a sentence with it but I had to work with someone who constantly said, "well back in my old job" or "in my old nursery" and that got annoying.

References like that, to me, come across as though your old way was the best/right/only way and I sort of think we'll if that's great, go back.

dollydaydream114 · 09/08/2017 13:30

Some cultures are much more blunt/forthright than others. A friend of mine spent a couple of years in another country and it took her a good while to adjust to the fact that people would happily tell her to her face that she was looking terrible or that she'd done something stupid or that she was being annoying, and then she realised that was just the norm for the country she was in.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/08/2017 13:37

dollydaydream114 Would that be the Netherlands by any chance? I loved living there

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