To be really annoyed with my MIL

[Titsywoo]

Yes I know, I know another MIL thread. I do love my MIL honestly but sometimes she really pisses me off - generally when it comes to my DC as she tends to stick her oar in.

DD is nearly 13 and is a healthy weight (5ft 1 and about 7 and a half stone). She tends to eat small portions but she eats pretty well really (lots of fruit and I try and get veg into her on a daily basis even though she isn't keen!). When she goes through a growth spurt (like she is now) she eats like a horse. MIL though seems to have issue with her not eating enough and goes on at her whenever we see her. The kids go to her once a week in the holidays while I work and DD has been telling me this holiday how grandma keeps telling her she doesn't eat enough and making her finish her food. She text me earlier to say MIL had made her finish her porridge even though she was full halfway and now she has a stomach ache . The other day MIL was talking to her about anorexia and how she should be careful to eat enough!

I don't want to fall out with her but I had lots of issues with self esteem when I was a teen due to having parents always putting me on diets so I have been very careful to not make a big deal of eating (bar making sure diet is healthy with veg etc) or body image.

I think that some people a) are in the 'clear your plate' camp and b) are so concerned about anorexia that they can't tell that a slim child is a healthy child. I know a couple of families where they are so determined not to create issues around food that they now have very overweight children.

A firm word is needed, but also your DD needs to know she can absolutely tell Granny that she is full and she's not having any more.

Well maybe some of you are right. Dd text me to say mil is forcing her to finish her lunch. I said say no but she wouldn't stop and made dd eat it and said she needs to see a psychologist. No more advice needed thanks as I'm now going to kill her

Only advice is make sure you have an alibi set up. Although I don't think any jury would convict you.

I'm sorry this is happening.

OMG I had sympathy with your MIL ( being one myself) but lost sympathy immediately when I read that she had told a 12 year old she needed to see a psychologist.
However, let's not get things out of proportion. Your DD loves her Grannie and wants to go there. You need this woman because you need her to help you out and she obviously is driven by love. Misguided she maybe, but we all make mistakes and generally you like her and approve of her.
You need to tell her though and the best way is to give your husband the responsibility.
Also you are relying on the testimony of a 12 year old regarding the conversation, who is possibly playing you off against your MIL because she doesnt want to do something. They are good at that. I was.

Is your nan even your nan if she isn't force feeding you? My grandma's literal joy is cooking and watching us eat it

Maybe talk to your MIL and DD about how it's not about how our bodies look but how well they function and so food is fuel (ie no food is good or bad, just better/more efficient fuel). So encouraging 'Let's eat a good bit of lunch so we've enough energy to get round the park' sort of thing.

This should help your MIL ans DD to move beyond just focusing on how they look on the outside and more how well they perform and looking after thier health for the long term.

Good luck with this

I'd actually stop my child going there, whether they liked going or not. This is a really bad thing for your MIL to be constantly harping on about. I'd be fuming! She is just projecting her own issues onto your children.

Force feeding your child and telling a 12 year old she needs a physiologist. I wouldn't be using her for childcare, sorry.

No matter how well intentioned I'd go ape if someone forced my child to eat when they are full. At 12 your dc knows when she is full.

My own dm used to plate up adult size portions when I was a child and I could never eat it All, one particular time she stood over me making me eat it, I promptly vomited everywhere. But on the other hand I never had any school dinners for about 5yrs , I'm a healthy weight but I don't eat regularly. Skip meals and eat as and when I want to. Enough basically to function but can easily go a whole day on air. Dysfunctional basically and you don't want mil to plant that seed in your dc.

I will be your alibi.

I'd say it's not your dd who needs a psychologist
Why are some people so obsessed with food??
I'm a grazer and can't really stomach a large meal. Being forced to over eat at meals would make me feel awful. I feel sorry for your dd. She doesn't need this. Another offer of an alibi - your MIL has issues, not your dd!

That has made me bloody angry!! I was the same when young - healthy appetite but never put on weight. Have always been a grazer as have always had a small stomach but probably eat more over the course of a day than most. I used to get all sorts of nasty comments off people lasting well in to my 20s and it almost fucked up my relationship with food! Your poor DD. Let us know what the MIL says - she is totally out of order forcing a person of that age to eat all her food!!! She's not a toddler ffs!

Time for you Dd to take break from seeing grandma alone.
I'd be bloody fuming with that update too.

Your MIL is abusing your DD - you need to put a stop to this before your dd starts to develop body issues from this abuse

Did you manage to speak to MIL?

Your poor DD, hope you aren't in trouble for killing MIL