To think he shouldn’t have done this?

[Woopzies]

Hello! Long time lurker; first time thread creator.

So I used to volunteer at an organisation for 1.5 yrs. I absolutely loved it as it kept me busy during the weekends and any spare time I had. Around 10 months ago, someone else joined as well as a volunteer - took to each other immediately and became very close friends.

We never argued and worked happily together - ideal situation, really. He then left the organisation in November, but we stayed in touch. After this, a lot of other volunteer staff joined, who I didn’t really like. I often ranted about them to my friend just to vent a bit - as we all do.

However for some unexplained reason, he sends snapshots of our conversations to the volunteering lead at the organisation with the intent of me getting ousted, as I did.

He said that he did it out of care, and that the role was “changing me” and he wanted the ‘old’ me back. However, he’d been bragging about doing it for weeks (unknown to me) to his friends so he didn’t do it out of care.

Sure, I did things wrong and handled situations badly, saying things that weren’t wise and I deserved what I got. However, he wanted to play the angel for some reason and decides to be a snake.

Just really upset at how the friendship ended. AIBU to think that he shouldn’t have done it? And that just talking it out would’ve been better rather than toying with my feelings and betraying my trust?

Cheers.

I wouldn't meet up with him. I wouldn't let him explain. He's shown you who he truly is so please believe him. It's hard because you thought he was a friend and as pointed out, you didn't get to know him properly first.

Either a) permanently block or b) text him telling him you will not be in contact with him again and you aren't interested in anything he could say. If you want to vent to him how you feel, this is your opportunity. Personally I wouldn't vent as he will only use this against you and his behaviour is already pretty creepy. The thought of someone acting in this way is making my flesh crawl.

Not acceptable. It's none of his business to interfere with your volunteering. You weren't doing anything wrong as venting is very much ok. Hope you can find another opportunity you enjoy, I wouldn't pursue any further friendship with this person.

Don't talk it out, don't give him any more of your time, he has shown you that he will betray your trust when he deems it the right thing to do.

He nice guyed you and was angry that you ignored your advances so he lashed out.

Learn, block, move on and don't engage.

It's best never to put something in writing that you wouldn't want the person to see. I learned this the hard way

Likewise. People are sometimes wankers and no matter how good your instincts we all mistakes of judgement sometimes. Don't leave written evidence ranting about co-workers, even in a voluntary capacity, unless you're prepared to lose the job.

He was a tosser, yes. He also sounds controlling and vindictive. And as PP have said, the organisation should have been wary about acting on the texts. But the trouble is they can and they will - so avoid giving them an evidence trail.

I think it's a bit rich calling him a snake for letting his former manager know about the toxic, nasty stuff you were saying about your colleagues behind their back.

I bet he'd say he also had a lucky escape from you and you were a completely different person than he thought you were.

I think it depends what you said about these people, and also what volunteer role you had.

I volunteer with the Samaritans and if a fellow volunteer was weird enough to bitch and moan about other volunteers to me I'd seriously consider whether they had the empathy/non judgemental nature required to do the role.

I'm surprised you were made to leave because you don't like other volunteers. How bad were the things you were saying?

I manage volunteers and I know not all of them like each other (because they tell me). It's something that I just have to manage- usually by having them in at different times if possible or by giving them tasks that keep them apart.

I would only ask someone to leave in those circumstances if they were creating a bad atmosphere or being mean or making racist or homophobic or any type of prejudiced comments.

He was bragging for months that he grassed on you? He doesn't sound like a friend or like he has any interest in being your friend. Dont meet him, don't speak to him, don't give him any chance to explain. He doesn't deserve it - besides, who will he brag to next? What is he saying about you go other people? I would cut all contact.

I bet he'd say he also had a lucky escape from you and you were a completely different person than he thought you were

What? That's not what he's saying is it? Could you not be bothered reading rhe thread then or even the ops posts.

Op, he's a piece of shit, don't meet him, there is no justification for this devious and manipulative behaviour. He is not and never has been your friend.

Don't meet him. He just wants to enjoy your unhappiness.

Learn from it and move on
Having a moan and a bitch with friends is all part of life. There is nothing wrong with that. It was mean and cruel what he did.

Don't have any further contact with him. But, also learn not to write anything that you would not be prepared to be made public. If you need to let off steam to a friend, have a chat.

I had a 'friend' like this years ago. He reported any minor passing comment someone might have made about me back to me as if it was some character assassination, in the name of so-called honesty and loyalty. Likewise, if I said anything about anyone else it somehow got back to them magnified x 100. He then tried to position himself as 'the only one I could trust'.

Don't meet up with him OP. He's just looking for more material.

*I think it's a bit rich calling him a snake for letting his former manager know about the toxic, nasty stuff you were saying about your colleagues behind their back.

I bet he'd say he also had a lucky escape from you and you were a completely different person than he thought you were.*

Then why didn't he confront the OP? Why go straight to her manager? And if the messages were so 'toxic' that he felt he had to report them, why has he resorted to using another number to contact the OP to supposedly sort things out after she blocked him?

None of that adds up.

Today 05:33 OliviaStabler

Sounds to me like he did this out of spite because you didn't return his feelings. Hurtful but he has shown his true self. I'd avoid like the plague!

yes, definitely a hurt pride thing I'd say. Many years ago when I was very young I got a written warning for not doing my job properly from my married boss after I declined an invitation to have dinner with him when his wife was away - bloody unbelievable really, especially as the "hell hath no fury" thing is always applied to spurned women. As others have said, cut him out of your life completely and quickly

You rejected him. He decided you should be punished for it. He will do it again if you give him the opportunity. Don't meet him.

You never had a friendship. He just wanted to get into your knickers.

You didn't slip. You turned down the guy who will punish you for not doing as he wants.

Bullet dodged there. Sorry about your volunteering. Give him no more head space, block the new sim, he's not worth it.

Bluntness, I can read, thanks. You don't know what he's saying - only the OP's yake on it. Frankly, the stuff she must have been texting him must have been pretty bad if she was then asked to leave. She also mentions making mistakes, etc. which hints it wasn't just bitching about her colleagues that got her sacked but a range of issues.

Frankly if I was close friends with a colleague and then they started texting me vitriol about their new coworkers, I'd be questioning just how well i actually knew them.

Whatever you do, don't meet him. He's sounds absolutely vile OP, and very controlling. Block this other number or change yours. He's not someone you want in your life.

He shouldn't have done it, he should just have told you that he didn't want to hear any more badmouthing of the people who you volunteered with & just stopped contact with you.

You must have said some pretty awful stuff though.

Woopzies please do not meet up with him to discuss it. There will be no positive outcome for you. His behaviour is worrying.

He was mean but you were very unwise to write stuff. There is confidentiality involved in all volunteering and you have learnt a very important lesson. Same in a job .
But your organisation were out of order to read the texts. They should have turned them back. They made an error there too. I have come across this in another setting and solictors advice was ..do not read..refuse to accept texts as its a private conversation and you have no right to access them.
For now all you can do is ignore guy and act far more professionally in the future.

Do NOT meet him.

Make sure your organisation know he did this after you rejected his advances and is still pestering you

Never write anything you wouldn't say to someone's face

Trollspoopglitter o think you have misunderstood. He has not "had a lucky escape" he has taken personal messages not intended for another person and shared them with another person. I have no idea if he has broken the law (data protection? Defamation of character?) But his interest seems to be not in escaping but in getting the op back for not fancying him! making him the fuck up in this scenario, not someone who had a lucky escape!