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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I let him go?

20 replies

BalticUnicorn · 08/08/2017 22:23

Dh is due to go to a wedding abroad soon only for 4 days. I'm pregnant and have Ante natal depression. He has asked me to make the decision if I'm ok with him going. I can't really say no can I?

OP posts:

talonofthehawk · 08/08/2017 22:24

It's manipulation to ask you to make the decision.
He's needed at home.

Original poster

BalticUnicorn · 08/08/2017 22:27

It's his best mate ever though if I say no I'll feel guilty as hell

OP posts:

eyebrowsonfleek · 08/08/2017 22:28

Do you have other sources of support?
How pregnant are you?

Bobbiepin · 08/08/2017 22:28

Do you have anyone else who can support you if he does go?

Kariana · 08/08/2017 22:29

Do you have any other support around? How far along are you?

Original poster

BalticUnicorn · 08/08/2017 22:29

I'll be 31 weeks or so. I don't have any support. Parents are on holiday and friends have disappeared

OP posts:

Strokethefurrywall · 08/08/2017 22:29

How far along are you? 38 weeks then I'd say no. Anything less than 35 weeks and I'd be fine with him going.

Before he goes, make sure you're surrounded by your comforts, and your support network as best you can.

MaryShelley1818 · 08/08/2017 22:29

I'm also pregnant and really suffering (depression, sleep deprivation and other health issues). So I totally understand how you're feeling but I wouldn't even contemplate asking DP not to attend a planned trip that only spans 4nts. Is he supportive in general? Is this a one off?

Strokethefurrywall · 08/08/2017 22:29

Sorry, Cross post.

Threenme · 08/08/2017 22:30

Why can't you go if you're only 31 weeks?

MaryShelley1818 · 08/08/2017 22:31

Especially as it's his best friend, imo you'll feel worse that he's missing it. Can you really not cope for 4nts?

Original poster

BalticUnicorn · 08/08/2017 22:31

He is supportive so I'm going to say yes

OP posts:

Mushroomburger17 · 08/08/2017 22:31

Can he fly home earlier?

Kariana · 08/08/2017 22:32

Your friends have disappeared? Since you got pregnant?

Personally I'd let him go but obviously I don't know how bad your depression is. Do you think you'll be ok without him?

Original poster

BalticUnicorn · 08/08/2017 22:33

Yes don't hear From anyone really. The flight is 7 hours so he can't come back and once he's there I wouldn't expect him to.

OP posts:

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 08/08/2017 22:35

Make a point of getting in touch with some friends over those 4 days. Your depression will tell you that you don't want to or that they don't want to see you. Fuck that. Text someone tonight.

Original poster

BalticUnicorn · 08/08/2017 22:47

OP posts:

RB68 · 08/08/2017 23:00

Come back for company. Try and plan a few little things to make the time go faster - a new book, a film, a lie in etc.

Crumbs1 · 08/08/2017 23:06

Well done for reacting selflessly and agreeing to him going. Do try and find some things to help pass the time and give you human contact.

Newtothis2017 · 08/08/2017 23:23

Good for you. Honestly you are doing the right thing for you and your relationship. Send him off happily and organise a couple of treats for yourself while he is gone. Take this time to mind yourself. He will really appreciate you for this. And being kind to each other will stand to both of you xx

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