To think my ex won't get custody because I use childcare

[Funkialdo]

My ex has been in and out of work all his life. He is currently in a minimum wage job he hates. He thinks single parents are rolling in money so many custody of our son so he had claim tax credits and work less hours.

He claims it's because he wants to see our son more but he has the opportunity to see him every other weekend and often doesn't take it.

In his pursuit to get custody he criticises everything. My son is a happy boy, I have a 30k a year job and a secure home so he can't complain about that. But our son goes to the school nearest my house and I have to use before and afternoon school club.

He complains about this constantly. I suggested if he wants a childminder he could get up early and take our son to a childcare provider near my
House but I cannot as I cannot drive. He claims he's going to take me to court for custody as he is willing to give up work and live on benefits while I want to keep my professional job and our son has to 'endure' full time childcare.

His mum works in a before and after school club 😂

He's not a bit bothered about th school or childcare. He's just trying to find fault.

More serious he's taken our son to the doctor as he was 'concerned' his hair wasn't washed enough and the doctor told him our son was clean.

He tells everyone I only got my job as the boss fancied me.

I shout at our son when angry.

When he's been in my house he's logged into my phone and sent abusive texts to himself as evidence which he claims he will pretend is me. I have since changed my password and so not meet in person.

He constantly demand things saying he will contact his solicitor saying he will contact them.

Our son has never lived with him. He is almost 4 and has lived with me his entire life. The school have expressed no concerns, nor have any professionals.

Our son is also very close to my parents and his cousins and visits family regularly.

I have a good income, stable home, not evidence of abuse or neglect.

His dad has him about one night every four weeks on average.

AIBU to my worry about my ex's threats at all and believe he's not chance of getting custody?

Or am I being nieve?

Not*

Sorry for typos!

Ignore, ignore, ignore. He's being a twat!

Thank you :-)

He wants custody as he wants the money. Also because he wants control of our son. I'm sure he'd move away if he got it.

He hates me as I left him.

My family live 90 mins away and he always told
Me I wasn't legally allowed to move nearer. I only found out today that's not true!

He will come to visit for the day and that's it. He won't take him overnight much. If he got custody my son would be so disturbed. He only knows him as someone who takes him to
McDonald's!

I am no expert, but if your son has always lived with you then it is very, very unlikely a court would change the status quo unless there was a very good reason for it!

He doesn't stand a chance.

The most he could do is increase his contact to weekly then overnights and then go for shared residency, which it sounds as though he isn't committed enough to do.

Something would have to be going badly wrong for a child to be removed from the stable home.

His solicitor will be telling him the same.

Take no notice of his waffling.

If he's that bothered about seeing his son, suggest to him that he can do the after school and holiday care instead of childcare. Of course, he won't want to do this, and that will show that actually he has no interest in bringing up his son at all.
If your son was a baby, I could see the point in awarding custody to a parent who is going to be at home, but your son is in school so doesn't need someone at home all the time. You are able to offer far more security with a well-paid and stable job.

As son has always lived with you, then the court won't want to change the status quo. you are working hard, providing for your son and he has a stable, happy home. Don't worry.

Thank you.

He claims he had prove I'm a bad mum because I don't go to my sons graduation ceremonies at nursery and he does!

He also said I only had him to get benefits !

I've blocked him and only communicate via emails

Tell him to crack on! He doesn't sound that motivated to be fair!

The only
Thing he's motivated to do is complain, say he's not happy with the decision I've made etc.

When it comes to actually seeing his son he never does! Of course I can't prove that (although he works Monday-Saturday each week so they will know as he's up at 6am each day).

He could have moved nearer
Got a different job
Came to see him after work
Took him Saturday night.

None of which he does. He's so little interest in ah I got him I've no idea why he's trying to get custody. I can only guess it's money motivated.

He'd hate having custody. He obviously
Likes his freedom.

He is angry and resentful I have excelled since leaving him and got a really good job. A job of
My dreams while he is in a call centre. On minimum wage. He has to work Saturday as his parking is £30 a week.

His parents pay his rent on a 550 pound a month property (he has told CSA that he earns minimum wage and doesn't declare the 550
Pound a month his
Parents give him for rent).

He only pays CSA as I went to them and they forced him.

He does realise that virtually every woman working in the court will be using before and after school care, doesn't he?

He has no chance. Try not to stress. If it helps you feel better and like you are doing something, keep a diary of all interactions, failures to turn up etc

No child has ever been removed from a stable loving home to live with a parent who barely sees them because the resident parent uses childcare

Do you think he's actually spoken to a solicitor? Thus far it would seem he's spouting a load of drivel...

My advice - ignore him!

Ignore. He'd only have a point if your son was home alone after school or looked after a drug addict childminder or something.

It costs money to go to court. If he can't be bothered to see ds more than once a month, the chances of him going to court is slim.

Even if he wanted more contact, it would be gradually increased and he's not suddenly going to cope with even once a week.

He's trying to piss you off. He wanted you to fail as a working single mum but you're absolutely fine and don't need him which is pissing him off. He's trying to make you as bitter and miserable as he is.

My ex once said to me I was a rubbish mother because I worked. Fast forward seven years, he's still jobless and in between house with his parents and girlfriend. I still have a good job, nice car, nice owned home etc. He was jealous then and is even more so now. At the time I laughed at him. I'm still laughing!
Tell him to get his solicitor to contact you. He's not going to pay for that in a million years, and if he does, he'll then have to pay for mediation before it can even remotely go to court.

Just don't engage with him on this subject.

My ex was similar, wanted DS to live with him so he could claim benefits and not work. Funnily enough after a solicitor telling him it wasn't happening we haven't seen him for years now.