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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work colleague commenting on things I do

42 replies

Coffeyaddict · 08/08/2017 19:08

I've always liked who I've got on with. I'm not someone who thinks badly of others and I'm usually a popular team member and make lasting friends at work.

I've joined a new job. There's me and another girl (both late twenties) 3 men (aged 30-50) and three women 40+
Maybe it's because I'm the only other woman her age and she feel a bit put out by it but she comments on everything I do.

So outwardly she seems nice and I thought she was great the first few days after I met her.

She's invites me on all her visits, gives me advice etc. However, she comments on little things I do. I feel I am being watched.

I don't eat much in the evening but eat at my desk. I'm a healthy weight but eat little and often.

Three times now she has commented that I 'never stop eating'. She says it jokingly and first time I thought it was banter but third time when I've only been here two weeks. She several stone heavier than me so I don't know why she's commenting on my eating habits!

She also gives me several compliments a day but hey don't seem quite genuine.

So am I being ridiculous?

I'm really self conscious of eating now! I can't even eat in peace!

We work in a profession where everyone eats whenever they like. It's not considered bad in any way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeyaddict · 08/08/2017 19:08

Worked with not got on with!

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeyaddict · 08/08/2017 19:09

So was this comment unacceptable? Am I being a bit precious?

OP posts:
Ilovecoleslaw · 08/08/2017 19:12

I think you're being a bit precious. She sounds friendly enough

TheCatOfAthenry · 08/08/2017 19:12

You may be being a teeny but sensitive, but you're not being ridiculous.

(In your late twenties, you two are women, not girls as you described.)

I included a photo of my kitten to apologise for my pedantry.

Work colleague commenting on things I do
TennisAtXmas · 08/08/2017 19:15

I can see it might get a bit annoying, but I think you risk seeming a bit sensitive if you get annoyed with her. I think I'd smile v briefly, to show you heard, then look engrossed in my work each time she says it - she's likely to get the hint if there's no reaction. Try not to let it make you self conscious, as you say, there's no problem with what you're doing, she's being odd.
Or you could find an article on why eating little and often is healthy, print it off and hand it to her next time!

FreyaJade · 08/08/2017 19:16

The kitten is gorgeous!

Some people like to comment on things especially food related, it can be annoying.

Tell her that eating little & often helps keep your blood sugar stable so you don't shout at people...

Saysomething88 · 08/08/2017 19:16

Maybe she always sees you eating? If she's several stone heavier then maybe she's envious of that.

Has she said anything else?

I feel you are being a little sensitive and try and get past her eating comments and take her compliments as genuine

KimmySchmidt1 · 08/08/2017 19:16

It sounds like she is feeling insecure. Try just to bat away and ignore annoying comments and she will settle down.

ClandestineAdulation · 08/08/2017 19:17

It's not really any of her business what, when or where you eat. It may be that you're being a little precious but I can understand why.

I often work through my lunch and don't eat at all at work, and many of my colleagues have something to say about it. Personally, I prefer to eat in the evening and always have done so, it's just a case of smiling politely, thanking them for their concern and carrying on with what I'm doing in my case - this might work for you, but I'm sure it's situation dependant!

Glumglowworm · 08/08/2017 19:17

She's probably jealous that you can apparently eat all day and stay slim (she won't see that you don't really eat at home in the evening). And I'm not someone who jumps to the jealous excuse for any nastiness, I just think it may well apply in this situation

It doesn't sound like she's intending to be nasty at all tbh. Either tell her the truth that you don't really eat except at work, or make non committal noises.

TennisAtXmas · 08/08/2017 19:17

I included a photo of my kitten to apologise for my pedantry.
The picture doesn't seem to be there :-o! please post the kitten, asap!!

ThinkIlikeit · 08/08/2017 19:18

Does she disapprove of you eating at your desk for some reason?

MeUnreasonableOrHim · 08/08/2017 19:20

I'd be irritated by the food comments, but I doubt they're meant to be to insult you. Do you eat at inappropriate times? For instance, of the others aren't eating then maybe food is only expected at break times or out of the office, she may subtly trying to tell you to stop. Or maybe she just finds it annoying, it can be if she's trying to talk to you and you always seem to be eating. Otherwise it might be because she's wondering how you're at a healthy weight and she isn't if you eat all the time? I know I would have wondered before being educated on how to actually eat healthily.

BackforGood · 08/08/2017 19:20

Sounds like you are being a bit over sensitive, but if it bothers you, then tell her. End of.

StealthPolarBear · 08/08/2017 19:22

And yet someone else can see the kitten picture. I'm on my phone on the website

DejaVuDieter · 08/08/2017 19:22

I think sometimes these things are quite subtle and all in how things are said. I had some problems with a colleague when I joined a new team. Like you I don't usually have any problems with colleagues but this woman would say things that sounded nice but felt like veiled put downs or sometimes faux innocent barbed comments. I wasn't imagining it as another colleague noticed and then I saw her do it to someone else. I'm pretty sure age felt threatened as I was getting lots of praise at the time. It has settled down now after some changes at work and we get on okay but I remain wary.

Loopytiles · 08/08/2017 19:23

She might just have food/eating issues herself.

altiara · 08/08/2017 19:28

Yes where's the kitten?? Also on phone.

OP- Could you tell her not to comment on your eating as it makes you uncomfortable? or ask "is that a problem for you?"

53rdWay · 08/08/2017 19:29

Just beam happily and offer her some cake. If she's being a snidey passive aggressive cow, win - if she's just pleasantly commenting on your food, win.

TeachesOfPeaches · 08/08/2017 19:33

Maybe you eat loudly or with your mouth open or spend a lot of time faffing around preparing food or maybe you make smelly food or spend too much time talking about food. I hate it when people eat at their desks - drives me insane.

cafenoirbiscuit · 08/08/2017 19:37

No kitten on my iPad. I wanna see it!

Zarah123 · 08/08/2017 19:38

YABU. So she's commented 3 times and you've turned this into 'she comments on little things I do' and you feel watched.

It could just be her slightly awkward way of reaching out to you, along with the compliments.

Don't judge her too soon.

Beadieeye · 08/08/2017 19:39

I can see how it could be annoying, but with her being friendly in other ways, I'm guessing she doesn't mean any harm. I know several people who are naturally slender and can eat what they want. Some people comment that they eat a lot but it's said in jest, as in 'I wish I could'.
Personally I wouldn't comment on it because some people equate it, like you have, to what they weigh. Also, you never know if someone has had issues with food or disorders and I wouldn't want to highlight that.
Some people just don't think, though.
Another thought: one woman at uni used to bring food into lectures and eat it in a really distracting way! Someone ended up complaining rather than telling her to her face. Maybe that's what she's trying to get at?

IloveBanff · 08/08/2017 19:40

If a colleague kept eating at work it would wind me up, regardless of the person's or my own weight. Perhaps she's irritated by the frequent eating.

Betsyboo87 · 08/08/2017 19:42

I think I need more examples to make a decision on this. I eat a lot at work (boredom) and I've always had the same comment. Can't say it's ever bothered me though. Take it as a compliment on your figure - no one would say it someone carrying extra weight.