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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - two weeks with the MIL and got my first grey hairs!

11 replies

CheesecakeAddict · 08/08/2017 17:23

Just as a bit of a backstory, my MIL has never liked me. She point blank refused to meet me for the first year and a half that me and my OH were together. There was no reason apart from my nationality. She strongly believes OH should marry and have a family with someone of the same nationality (without giving too much away, let's say Southern European).

We've just returned from a visit where she was particularly batshit crazy. Me and a friend from university go away together every year, just for a couple of days to catch up and unwind and my OH never has any problems with it, neither of us like clubbing or are big drinkers (certainly not now I am pregnant and friend is TTC), we even took my 16 year old sister one year - this is how tame our holidays away are. The OH has to travel abroad a lot for work anyway, often having 5 days somewhere exotic for a 1 day meeting, so genuinely doesn't mind that I have this once in year thing. She gave me a complete bollocking for booking a trip when I will be five and a half months pregnant, saying I will be making my child "retarded" by travelling when pregnant, what sort of woman leaves her man for days on end, what sort of mother endangers her unborn child by going on holiday (bare in mind the visit to her required a plane journey...). I genuinely felt like shit for my visit, despite the midwife saying I'm completely fine to fly.

Behind my back, she was questioning my housework, telling my partner to not allow me to do X, Y, Z and telling him that I should be doing his ironing and that when the baby comes, I must iron all the clothes (I iron my work clothes, that is all, it's the one job I truly, truly hate). Me and my partner share household chores equally and he told her that - we both have very demanding jobs and both need each other to pick up the slack more than others some weeks. But apparently I should be doing it all!

She's not happy that I am not taking a full year off on mat leave (again, joint decision with the OH, my job is far easier to start at a particular time when everything starts up again rather than take over from somebody else). Then to top it all off, she tried to buy us a house on the same street as her even though I've told her we are not raising DC in that country and OH does not want DC to even get his nationality because then DC will have to do conscription. DC will still have the option to get nationality when they are 18 if that is what they want.

My partner always stands up for me but I feel this time went too far. It also means he finished his holiday in a row with his mother, which I do feel guilty about. Maybe because now I am pregnant she realises it's more difficult to persuade OH to leave me. But I've told OH that MIL will not be welcome to stay with us after the baby is born and that she will have to go in a hotel, and equally we will be staying in a hotel on all future visits because at going on 30 I'm tired of being treated like a naughty school child. She also wants the baby to go stay with her for the summer next year, which I've said no to. Firstly the baby will be too young, secondly the country reaches above 40 degrees in the summer and it will be too hot for a baby born in the middle of a British winter and acclimatised to our weather, and thirdly we are quite sure this is because we have said we are not baptising DC (she is Catholic, I am not, we want baby to decide for itself when it is old enough to make an informed decision) and we suspect she is going to get DC baptised behind our backs. Maybe I am just being hormonal and unreasonable but I seriously don't know how to tell her to mind her own fucking business.

OP posts:
WineAndTiramisu · 08/08/2017 17:27

Wow, no advice apart from saying hotels are the only option from here on in!

She sounds hard work, will DH tell her about the hotel thing?

meltingmarshmallows · 08/08/2017 17:38

YANBU she sounds like an absolute nightmare. No way on Earth would I let the baby go to her for Summer that's ludicrous!

CheesecakeAddict · 08/08/2017 18:01

Wine: yes, he will.

OP posts:
CassandraCross · 08/08/2017 18:07

You are being perfectly reasonable and as it seems your husband agrees with you just stick to the decisions you have both made.

Chillyegg · 08/08/2017 18:09

Blooming Nora just be thankful she doesn't live in the SAN country as you.what an awful woman.

HipsterHunter · 08/08/2017 18:09

Dunno if I'd even stay in a hotel and visit TBH she sounds foul

Aquamarine1029 · 08/08/2017 18:12

Sweet Jesus, who needs enemies when you have a MIL like that! Ugh, I'm so sorry for you. Keep your child and yourself away from that pit viper.

hungrywalrus · 08/08/2017 18:12

She is unhinged but you knew that already. Honestly it can only work in your favour if she really exposes herself in front of your DH so that he fully acknowledges that she is really no positive influence. That being said, the chances of him actually enforcing the hotel rule, rather than you then pushing for it are in my experience slim. You will forever be the wicked foreigner who stole her little boy away. If he stands up to her, she will blame you for it. Then she'll get old or 'old' and will turn up the guilt for your DH to come home or worse will want to move in with you .

I get your situation. Unfortunately. Most very unfortunately...

Chillyegg · 08/08/2017 18:12

Same country as you...bloody phone

QueenofallIsee · 08/08/2017 18:14

You are being much more reasonable than I would be, I would be tempted to tell her to fuck right off ever even seeing me and mine again. Baby over for the summer at under 1 - she is completely mental!

RandomMess · 08/08/2017 18:50

I don't I nor my child would be visiting MIL again after that....

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