Aibu to be angry

[OurMiracle1106]

And slightly bitter.

My ex was abusive in every possible way. I left him almost 6 years ago and today I get told by the hospital that the collar bone of mine he broke has never healed properly (because it never stood a chance) and I now need an operation and a bone graft. Meanwhile he gets to move on with his life without being left with yet more physical scars to remind him of what he did.

Of course not; that sounds awful and you're right to be angry. Well done for getting away, I hope you're out of pain soon.

Not unreasonable at all to be angry but its not going to do you any favours. Have you sought counselling? Why shluld you be stuck in anger whilst he gets to move on?

I have had a lot of counselling and in general it doesn't affect me. I don't hold on to anger just today it feels very unfair to be honest.

I've worked so hard to be In a positive place and It feels like I'm going 3 steps forward 4 back 😞

Yes, it is not fair but at least you survived and got out of it alive. Some people in similar situations aren't so lucky. I guess you can actively choose to let it go and not to be angry, because of you, because it makes you feel better not to go around and be angry about something that cannot change. The collar bone is what it is.

It's not fair, but he has to live his whole life as a miserable abusive prick, and you get to move on and live a much better life without him.

Living well is the best revenge, OP.

Of course YANBU. I have a slight bend in the bridge of my nose from where my ex punched me in the face, and I massively resent this. It's fully understandable to feel the way you do.

That said, it's possible to be angry and move on, if you see what I mean. I eventually realised that my anger at my ex was taking up a lot of emotional energy that he wasn't worthy of. I'll never stop hating him, but it doesn't consume me - it took me a while to get to that point and it was hard, but I promise you will get to that point too. Counselling might be something to consider.

Well done for getting away, OP. That alone was brave and strong.

I agree living well and making a life for myself has been what I've been concentrating on. I know I was lucky to get out alive, I should have left when he did it but I didn't.

I don't even know how it happened. The last thing I remember was being strangled and then waking up scared on the floor of another room.

I will say in general my ex doesn't bother me. I have a decent life and a future now. I don't even hate him. I believe that because all he knew was abuse that this is what he thought that love was, although that doesn't make it right and it doesn't mean I was wrong to walk away it provides me with an insight into his thinking.

If that's how you view the situation I would pity him. Obviously today is a difficult bump in the road for you but if that's how the man knows love then his life is likely to be a very unhappy one. Take some time to be miserable then lots of self care.