to learn to drive even though I really don't want to.

[JennyBlueWren]

I am in my 30s with a toddler and pregnant. My husband does not drive and has no interest in it.

For:
I would have more choice of jobs.
Could be more impromptu about day trips.
It is difficult up at my in-laws as there is no public transport near their house. When we have 2 children we won't all be able to fit in the car.
Being able to go to places I can't get to with public transport.
Being able to go for family bike rides by driving to places which are more child-cycle friendly.

Against:
I had a lot of driving lessons years ago but failed my test. I found driving very stressful and got anxious before each lesson.
Driving lessons take a lot of time up and I'll be tired out with pregnancy and I spend most of my weekends doing marking and planning (I'm a teacher).
Driving lessons are expensive. Money is tight but I do have savings I could draw on.
Cars are also expensive.
Where we live we have good public transport and I'm good at planning around timetables and connections. I don't mind waiting for half an hour in the rain.

I could leave it until next summer when I won't be pregnant but probably still sleep deprived but will have more flexibility of when to do lessons. But maybe I'm just delaying to try to avoid lessons as I dislike the thought of it so much.

So do I push myself to do it now -maybe one evening lesson and one weekend lesson a week, put it off to next year or maybe just leave it?

I think being able to drive is an absolute life changer. One of the best things I've ever done. Do it!

Yes you should absolutely learn to drive.

I tried learning while pregnant with DS2 and found that I was just putting too much pressure on myself to do it before I gave birth. It was never going to happen.
I passed my test and got a car 6 months ago (at the grand old age of 38). DS is now 2. I just use the car for work.
I don't really enjoy driving and still use public transport for most day trips. It annoys me when people say about relying on lifts. I've never once asked for lifts. Like you, I'm a dab hand at planning my trips and I think we go more places than those with cars.
The only time I really welcomed the car was last month when DD had an accident at school. I had to drive her to hospital. Was nervous as hell but we got there a lot quicker and it was much simpler. Good luck OP!

I learned in my early 30s, living in London. My partner doesn't drive and similarly I wanted to learn in case we had a family (conceived a few days after passing my test!). I don't love driving and don't use our car much tbh BUT it has been very handy for some things and if we have more DC I think it will really prove its worth. It's a handy skill as well.

Having said that, I now have a lot of environmental guilt and avoid the car where possible, which is easy to do in London. But I think I'm still glad I learned.

One thing I would say though is that I lost all spatial awareness while pregnant and had a few near misses - but a friend of mine passed her test while heavily pregnant. So I'd go for it but don't be put off if you find it hard while pg, if that's the case just delay until you have time after DC2 arrives.

Incidentally, as a non-driver I never complained about being a non-driver and actually enjoy taking public transport, for the most part. I also don't think, provided you live somewhere with good transport, that it's as essential a skill as some on here think it is.

And finally - those who say don't do it as you'll just be a nervous and therefore dangerous driver is just silly talk. Everyone is nervous when they first pass, you do the real learning afterwards and everyone has to learn sometime! I used P plates until I felt more confident.

I didn't learn to drive until in my 30s with a child. I honestly didn't see the big deal with it and didn't think I was missing out but was saving loads of money on not having one. Fast forward two year after passing and it literally is one of the best things I ever did

I didn't pass until I was in my early thirties. I found it hard and had tried a few times off and on in my twenties but always gave up after I had failed a test. Having my second child really spurred me on. Do it. Grit your teeth and push yourself because it has given me so much more independence. If I couldnt drive now I would be much more limited for jobs and once you factor in picking up and dropping off kids at various places it is a real necessity. You will get used to it and you will wonder how you managed without it.

In terms of nerves as above I've heard hypnotherapy can be good.

I used to read online and the advice for overcoming was always keep going and make yourself do it, which I know can be the hardest thing. I also used to write my journeys down so I could look back when I felt nervous and see what I have achieved in the past.

Best of luck!

I learned to drive at 24 in a place that had no roundabouts or traffic lights. Came back to the UK and didn't drive because public transport was so good.
Fast forward to being pregnant and about to move to the suburbs and realised I'd need to drive or life was going to be difficult. I did some refresher driving with the aid of Rescue Remedy and great instructor. At the age of 40 I actually started to drive properly just before I had my child. It was nerve wracking with London traffic but I gave my teacher a list of places that gave me the fear and we tackled them all.
I'm so pleased I did it. You're right you can forward planning and use PT but driving means you can be more spontaneous and it's definitely easier to move kids around.

OP, i was you - although my DCs dad did drive so there was less imperative for me to learn, while we were still together at least. I had lessons and tests as a teen, found it really hard. Gave up after failing my third test. Decided it wasn't for me.

I did dabble in my 30s, had a few lessons. Gave up when ex and i split up and i became a single parent. Like you I was an expert on public transport. I felt i managed perfectly well without driving, and that a car would add little to my life.

I am now 45 and passed my driving test last year. I honestly think it has given me more joy than anything else I've ever done in my life apart from getting my place at university (and my DC, of course!).

I wish I'd done it sooner. I didn't like driving, because I wasn't good at it. The better i get, and I'm still learning effectively even now, the more i enjoy it.

The key for me was a patient Instructor, and my own car to practice in. And perseverance - it took me another 3 tests to pass, so 6 in total, but it doesn't matter in the end. I got there.

I wish I'd done it when my kids were little (now 18 and 16!) as it would have made life so much easier. DS1 also passed last year, DS2 is having lessons as soon as he's 17. I don't want them making the same mistakes I did.

So please do have lessons. Even if it's next year or the year after, or after that. You won't regret it.

I've just passed, at 29, and I can honestly say as I was driving about last night in my own little carshaped bubble doing errands that usually take me at least an hour, that I wish I'd done it earlier. It's opened up so many possibilities for me - and, the joy is that driving by yourself is SO different to driving for your lessons/tests. I find it genuinely enjoyable now :)

I'd say yes simply because of job opportunities.

Full UK licence is a big boon in a competitive market.

I passed 3 months ago first time in an auto. I'm 31. I tried to learn manual when I was 18 but found it too stressful.

I had to give it another go because 2 of my children are disabled and honestly, it has completely changed my life! Driving an automatic is so easy, so if you want to pass easier, go for that.

I passed at 30, when DD was just one. 10 years ago now, and I LOVE driving. Wish I'd been braver earlier, it really is a life-changer with kids.