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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding plans

37 replies

SarahLouise849 · 08/08/2017 07:45

So me and my partner are getting married in just less then 4 weeks it has been a rushed process. We planned to have our two witnesses there and our daughter, we then asked his mum to come to take some pictures for us, then we told her that my partners brother isn't invited and she got real shitty with us and tried to guilt trip us into inviting him, how do I go about not inviting his mum now? I've talked about it with my partner and we both agree she isn't supporting the situation so we don't want her there but we live in her house (she doesn't live with us but comes over everyday to see our daughter, we are moving out in 2 months)

OP posts:

DelphiniumBlue · 08/08/2017 11:05

How unkind. You live in her house, see her every day, only asked her so that she could take photos, and now you want to disinvite her?
You sound like a total user, and quite spiteful.

NanooCov · 08/08/2017 11:19

Just because you are having a big "proper" wedding in due course (but to be honest that in itself is daft - just because it's big with all the trimmings doesn't make it any more "proper" than a small wedding) doesn't mean you can't have close family at the registry now. It's almost like you're trying to pretend this isn't a wedding at all. Just have her and your partner's brother there. What harm will it do? She doesn't sound unsupportive at all given you live in her house and she visits you and her grandchild every day.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 08/08/2017 11:27

I wouldn't particularly want to be starting off my marriage on such bad terms with my DPs family.. all for the sake of you being petty. How you are even thinking of uninviting your DPs mother is beyond me.

ladymariner · 08/08/2017 11:29

Christ op, if you don't want to be mean, what on earth are you like when you do??
You're coming across terribly here. I'm not surprised his mum is upset, it sounds as if you were just looking for an excuse to get rid of her!

Witsender · 08/08/2017 11:49

Why wouldn't you let him come? I really don't get this angst. Or do the small wedding and go out for lunch after with everyone. It doesn't have to be a big deal.b

LagunaBubbles · 08/08/2017 15:56

We don't want it to be mean or anything like that, I know she will be upset and she already is

But you are being mean and rather nasty actually. This is your partners Mother not just some cousin twice removed next door neighbour! You havent said why you (and I include your partner in this) arent inviting her?

milliemolliemou · 08/08/2017 16:26

OP's partner's brother doesn't seem to upset. All OP has to do is get a random to take the photos of a v small wedding instead of future MIL to take the photos and reassure future MIL that it will all be redone with a good party at another stage. Meanwhile MIL (who is also excluding people from her next wedding) can get on planning that.

If my DS's GF invited me to go along to take photos, I wouldn't be planning their wedding guests for them. I would be worrrying about photo quality and offering to pay for a photographer. And I certainly wouldn't mind about not going, especially since I would be planning my own and looking forward to their future jamboree.

ZoeWashburne · 08/08/2017 16:46

Your wedding is the day you get married. So no redo ceremony in a year will be a wedding. I would be devastated to miss my brother's wedding. No matter what redo was planned for later. That's not their wedding.

You are allowed to choose who you invite. However, it's pretty nasty to invite someone to work your wedding.

It's a matter of picking your battles. This is your future mother and brother in law. Do you want to start off this way? What does your fiancé want?

Also, a great rule for marriage is blood deals with blood- your fiancé should be the one speaking to his mother/brother.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 08/08/2017 18:12

milliemolliemou

Tbh I would imagine that you would be in the minority if you aren't a little bit upset if the only reason you are invited to your sons wedding is to take pictures!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 08/08/2017 18:18

I got the impression the mum found out by seeing something at the house and the 'inviting to do pictures' was a sort of trying to make her happy and involve her. Ie if she hadn't seen it, the op would have just gone ahead with their two witnesses.

The invite to the mum was only made after she'd found out and to make her feel slightly less left out.

Op - correct me if I'm wrong!! Sorry that's how I read it anyway!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 08/08/2017 21:01

The invite to the mum was only made after she'd found out and to make her feel slightly less left out.

Not really an invite though is it.

To tell your DP DM they are only invited to take the photos is all kinds of wrong imo.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 08/08/2017 21:58

Well that's my point. I don't think the op meant to invite her. It was just supposed to just be the two witnesses.

But when the mum found out she felt she had to invite her - to make her feel included. But she had to give her a 'role' as otherwise all the rest of the family would wonder why they weren't invited.

Dunno really. just saying how it read to me

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