Small babies at big events

[Fredmitten]

At the athletics tonight. Woman next to me had what I would guess was her three month old. He got very upset when there was loud cheering. Was best soothed by feeding, which she did with what I'm guessing was the mattress from
a Moses basket on her lap, which was partially on my lap too.
I felt bad for shouting and cheering the athletes on as he got upset.
AIBU to think it's not really the place for a little baby? Or am I letting the mumsnet/guardian side down?

No you are right, it isn't the place!

A huge sporting event where you're crammed in such close proximity to other spectators isn't really suitable for a small baby, really. A bit selfish - the baby's not getting anything out of the occasion and if other people are being inconvenienced by a Moses basket or mattress or whatever encroaching into their space, it's not fair.

Not saying you can't do stuff with small babies - I often see people carrying babies round art galleries or tucking them up in a carrier for a snooze in restaurants or whatever, or even strapping them on to their back and going hiking with them and they seem to do absolutely fine - but a stadium sporting event is a daft thing to do with a baby and I've seen babies really miserable at similar occasions.

I think some people expect to be able to have exactly the same life with a baby that they had without one, which personally I don't think is particularly reasonable. "If I didn't take the baby I wouldn't be able to go" doesn't really wash with me - don't go then, basically.

Maybe she booked the tickets before she knew she was pregnant if baby is only 3 months old; I can understand how annoying though it is for you.

Sounds like one of the, 'it's not going to change my life' types.

I think some people expect to be able to have exactly the same life with a baby that they had without one, which personally I don't think is particularly reasonable. "If I didn't take the baby I wouldn't be able to go" doesn't really wash with me - don't go then, basically

PREACH

I suppose the problem is she might not have known how crowded and noisy it would be. I might have taken DS to the athletics myself, expecting it to be no worse than taking him to a restaurant (although then I would have felt terrible if he had been scared by the noise, and would have left immediately).

Sometimes you just have to try these things and be prepared to bail out if they're a disaster. It's not always predictable - DS's worst meltdown to date was in the sling on our regular afternoon walk last week. Literally an hour of kicking, back arching and screaming. He turned purple. I thought I'd never get him home. Awful. But usually he's all smiles and asleep in five minutes.

In contrast I was a bit worried about taking him round the British Museum, but he loved it. Completely transfixed. I think the mistake this woman made was not leaving with him immediately when it was clear he was scared by the noise though. That's really unfair.

I should add, I don't take DS anywhere where I can't easily leave - half the problem with the walk was that I needed to get a bus home, and I couldn't calm him down enough to dare inflict him on the other passengers. I also wouldn't take him anywhere like a performance where the act of leaving might disturb people too.

Usually newborns don't care where they are as long as they are being held by someone and warm and access to boob/milk. They are generally very transportable and I think it's great when people include them in society and don't hole themselves up at home. I've taken mine to the cinema often as newborns, never had a peep they've always slept through, theyve not noticed the loud noise. The only big point is you need to be prepared to leave if it's not working, and it sounds like this parent wasn't, or maybe the baby was just having a fussy day and it wasn't actually scared.

I think some people expect to be able to have exactly the same life with a baby that they had without one, which personally I don't think is particularly reasonable. "If I didn't take the baby I wouldn't be able to go" doesn't really wash with me - don't go then, basically

This ^ is spot on.
I remember this being asked before - I have a feeling it was before the 2012 Olympics - and was quite surprised how many people seemed to think they should be able to take their baby anywhere. It gets asked regularly on here about cinema and even theatre. I remember once someone being very offended they couldn't take their baby into a lecture they wanted to hear.

Missing 'events' is part of being a parent when they are little, even more so if you choose to exclusively breast feed.
I know it's not a popular idea with a section of MN though.

Sounds like that particular baby wasn't suited to it.

That said,my DD1 was the most unflappable baby and came with us to all sorts of things (raucous or not) and she didn't give a toss. So it is somewhat baby-dependent.

I don't understand how anyone can take a baby into a cinema - sound level is usually horrifically high.

I really don't think the womb is especially quiet, they hear all your organs banging and burbling away 24/7. I find that babies are often not bothered at all by loud noise, but those same children often do get upset when they're a bit older.

Of course your life changes completely when you have a kid, but there's no reason not to try things. As has been said upthread, you just have to expect you might have to curtail things earlier than you had hoped, and this is where the parent in the OP failed....

I know of somebody who once called SS on a woman in my old village for having her baby in the pub on a rather loud karaoke/music/band event, in the afternoon (an extreme thing to do, must of been some beef between the pair). Timing wasn't an issue but more the noise. Anyway, transpires that the police turn up about 30 mins later and basically tell the mother to leave immediately as it wasnt appropriate for the baby, SS had called them and told them to deal with it in the first instance. She then got a letter off SS explaining what had happened, why they did what they did and why she shouldn't of had the baby there. I was amazed at SS/police response in the first place but certainly made me think twice about what is appropriate and what isnt.

I have a 5.5 month old and had tickets for last night. Bought before I was pregnant. I really wanted to go.....
but no childcare so didn't go. Taking baby wasn't even on my radar. I can barely concentrate on it in the tv when she's around!

Absolutely what was SS's explanation for why she shouldn't have taken the baby? Just that it was too noisy? Did they point her to any research on what's an appropriate level (and can you remember what it was)?

I know children's ears are more sensitive to noise than adults' - hence needing earphones to have lower volume etc. But I'm not clear on where the lines are and haven't easily found anything.

I have tickets for Saturday, bought last year before I was pregnant. I now have a 5 week old. Gutted as my only and last chance to see Bolt run but wont be going. Far too much for a little baby to take.

Such is the life of a parent I'm guessing (he's mt pfb).

The baby just needed a good pair of baby ear defenders and for the carry cot mattress to not be on your knee. Honestly, I think it's fine to take a baby to something like this, as long as you have the right equipment.

Hmm I think a noisy event with set seating, crammed in tightly is going to be hard work. But, with a baby a few weeks old, she (the mum) was probably infinitely more stressed than you and she is still finding her way. A bit early to be labelling her as a "type" imo, particularly given that she'd have got the tickets before she was pregnant.

I guess she won't do it again after a bad experience.

Apart from the baby itself people really need to think about the impact on others.

People have paid a lot of money for these athletics tickets and the seats really aren't very big or comfortable. So it isn't fair if the baby's mattress then intrudes on someone else's limited space.

Plus people are likely to stand up and cheer and clap at key points. And get involved in clapping for athletes like the jumpers who like a big build up.

So it is a completely unsuitable space for a baby.

I would have politely made it clear to the parent that she could not intrude on my limited personal space with the baby's mattress. What did you say to her??

Thing is though what about all the parents who drag take their babies to festivals?

I'm not talking about the ones designed for families but I'm talking taking 8 month olds to Glastonbury and whinging that your friends won't "babysit" for you one night and seeing the pram almost knocked over by a ket head, thus resulting in a fight

We get lots of stick for not taking our kids to the festival in our city but even though it's got a fab kids field it still has drunk people and stupid people. No thanks. I'll wait till their older.

They're* stupid autocorrect mixing the there/their/they're

I can't see the problem really - she didn't ask you not to make any noise did she?

You're really bothered about a couple of inches of foam touching your leg?

Ear defenders would have been a good idea mind.

I probably would have done the same but with ear defenders and without the mattress. Teeny babies are usually very portable but it would have been better off in a sling. I guess I'm one of those annoying parents who thinks babies won't change my life... much, anyway. She probably bought tickets ages ago too.

I can't see the issue in the baby being there. She shouldn't have encroached into your space but not issue other than that

I took DD to the rugby from when she was 5 days old. We just stood on the terraces with her pram and I breastfeed if necessary. No issues

Glastonbury is designed for families glitter. It has a kids fields, circus and cabaret. And I don't recall ever having witnessed a fight there.