To suggest it's time for my DG to go into a care home

[fuckery]

Just that!
I'm a carer for my grandad who lives an hour away it started 18 months ago when he became forgetful and started to skip meals so I suggested I go up 5-6 times a week to make sure he's having at least one hot meal a day no body else in the family seen him skipping meals as anything to worry about, I just knew there was something not right, there's only me my DM and my DB.
Skip forward to now and he's been diagnosed with dementia and I would say is at stage 6 already 😭 as well as me we now have carers going 3 times a day to get him up changed etc. But he's only getting worse in the last 6 weeks he's been admitted to hospital 5 times through falling, he can't live with me we don't have the space and are in the process of selling our house, my mum just seems oblivious to it all! She's going on holiday soon and I don't know what to do, I've suggested he goes into respite but it's just fell of deaf ears, I don't want to sound like a selfish cow but if he falls why she's away I just couldn't cope, I have two DD's age 18months and 3 years.
I also should mention my gran (his wife) had Parkinson's dementia and has been in a care home for 3 years, this happened when I in the end had to ring social services as her and my grandad became at risk because of her condition and my mum wouldn't do anything.

She said he's trying to do what best for him, I love my DM but imo she doesn't want to lose her inheritance and that's what's stopping her, she mentioned a meeting with their financial adviser (grandparents) she has control of all their funds, I deeply regret agreeing to this now.

For fucks sake can people stop talking about "putting him into a care home"? The language is fucking appalling, he isn't a tin of beans.

Call the Adult Helpdesk and tell them all of it. He'll be means tested and his half of the house will be taken into account (they could only be using your gran's half for her care unless grandad went first then they'd have it all if she'd inherited from him).

I'm sorry but you have to bypass your mum. PP may be right and she's thinking of her inheritance.

YANBU. It's time.

Oh love your heart that's just not fair on you to have to make this decision yourself. I feel bloody cross with your mum as this is her responsibility, not yours.

That's worrying OP but it does happen. In my experience those most resistant to social services aren't money motivated, usually when it's money it reaches a certain point where they give up.

If it is money I would again suggest community matrons also admiral nurses if you have that service available. Both free and both referrals can be done through the GP.

Not sure what's up with saying, "putting him into a care home, tbh.

Let go of the inheritance its cruel to not get the proper care your dg deserves.

Does your mother have POA?

I'm sorry but you have to bypass your mum

You can't bypass your mum. It doesn't work like that.

Social workers can intervene if whoever has poa are not acting in the patients best interest so yes mum/ the family's wishes can be overruled.

She just thinks it'll be fine the way it is, maybe up the carers time a bit and then moan about how much it's costing..

I've tried so many times to get her to see sense and listen to me but she won't, my DB is totally AWOL and can't deal with any of it out of sight out of mind comes to mind he's only 22 and I'm 24 we're still both seen as kids to my DM and I think that's another reason for her not listening to me.

Sorry, yes my mum had POA she has done since my Gran went in as my grandad never dealt with money so had no idea.

Social workers can intervene if whoever has poa are not acting in the patients best interest so yes mum/ the family's wishes can be overruled

No they can't. The OPG can. It's not a technical distinction. Even without the LPA it's not straightforward. All this is putting aside GD's wishes and assuming he lacks capacity.

Sorry, yes my mum had POA she has done since my Gran went in as my grandad never dealt with money so had no idea

Health and welfare or just finances?

Tess everything, unfortunately.

It sounds like the best thing would be to contact the safeguarding team and say that a vulnerable adult is falling x times over y days and his care package is not meeting his needs.

You may want to check out exactly what she has, you can request it from the Office of the Public Guardian. Often people think they have both but just have one.

If she does have both your hands are probably going to be tied unless the situation significantly worsens.

Sorry poa does not mean that you have the final say over care especially if it can be proven that you are acting negligently.

Also a poa needs to be legally invoked before it's binding. This needs to be signed off by a dr that the patient no longer has capacity to make decisions for themselves.

If this hasn't been done it may make it easier to get dg into a home if he agrees to it.

If your mum continues to ignore, she will very quickly realise that it is not sustainable in the longer term to keep your dg at home.

Sorry poa does not mean that you have the final say over care especially if it can be proven that you are acting negligently

Of course it doesn't but in practicality if a social worker comes out and GD is found to lack capacity about residence and mum holds LPA for welfare they cannot simply overrule her. Not to mention simply assessing him would be difficult if the LPA objects. There was a fairly recent case were a LPA was jailed for negligence for refusing to allow SS access to his father who later died. Social services were only criticised for not starting court action sooner because that is what it takes to overrule and LPA.

Also a poa needs to be legally invoked before it's binding. This needs to be signed off by a dr that the patient no longer has capacity to make decisions for themselves

This is absolutely incorrect as health and welfare involves any number of decisions and you can't simply be blanket "signed off".