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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my 6 year old play out in the street without me or dh?

66 replies

Celestia26 · 07/08/2017 20:38

Struggling to work out if I am just being over protective?

We live on a fairly quiet cul-de-sac where there are lots of families. Seeing as it's summer and the holidays, lots of children have started playing out in the street together (no parents). My son has just turned 6 and wants to join them. My husband thinks yes, I think no.
Most of the other kids are older than him, 7-8 at the youngest, but most are 11-13. AIBU to say he can't play out until he's a bit older? He's a bit of a follower and if the older kids tell him to do something dangerous he would probably just do it. I want him to be safe but I don't want to wrap him in cotton wool either!

Opinions please?

OP posts:
choccybiscuit · 07/08/2017 21:00

I have a seven year old too and there's no way I'd let her out if my sight.

CheekyFucker · 07/08/2017 21:01

My 4yo plays out with his 4yo neighbour. Neighbour has been playing out in his own for 2 years. Very rural setting. Everyone knows everybody in the whole village. We do keep an eye on them, but not constantly.

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 07/08/2017 21:02

I personally wouldn't. We live in a crescent but I do not like the way a lot of people drive down it, so I'm not sure when (if ever) I'll be happy with DD playing out with other kids and no supervision. Definitely not in 13 months when she turns 6!!

My childhood home was in a small cul-de-sac (8 houses) that had a large patch of grass in the middle that us kids would play on. But I was 9, nearly 10 when we moved there. Even then my dad would still sometimes come out front to play with my younger brother / keep an eye. We had just moved from London though.

Not spoken about this type of thing with my DH yet. Like your husband, I think he'll be ready for her to play out way before I am!!

Ellapaella · 07/08/2017 21:04

I'd say follow your gut instincts and if you don't feel comfortable don't allow it. My eldest ds was 8 when he started playing out unattended, however we lived in a city before that time that he didn't grow up in and wasn't that familiar. By the time he was 8 we had moved somewhere much quieter and I knew all the kids he was playing out with very well and their parents.
I grew up in a small village and definitely played out with my sister and other kids on the estate at 6. There was less traffic on the roads in those days though.

WhooooAmI24601 · 07/08/2017 21:07

Nope my 6 year old doesn't play out on the streets. I'm not a huge fan of the 11 year old doing it, tbh.

The 6 year old has lots of friends nearby whose parents I know well enough to text and invite over for playdates. The 11 year old texts his mates to come round and during the holidays we've often got a few extra children floating about the place for sleepovers and visits. I much prefer them to be in the garden (which is huge) or the play shed (which is filled with archery kits and nerf guns and a sofa for them to laze and watch a movie) than out on the streets.

RueDeDay · 07/08/2017 21:07

I live on a quiet street, DD has been playing out since she was six. Started with me popping out to check she's was okay every 10 mins, now I only go out to call her in for dinner or if one of the local kids sprints in to say she's fallen out of a tree again

She is pretty sensible which makes all the difference. And cars are few and far between and know to check for kids.

UpYouGo · 07/08/2017 21:10

I think it depends on the child/ where you live.

A quiet cul-de-sac where you can see your child, yes I probably would.

My 4yo is very sensible and if we didn't live on a busy(ish) road I may well let her. Our house faces another road and the children there wizz up and down on scooters and go in the road (according to DD!), she wants to know when she can play out with them. I always played out (90s child) and it forms my fondest childhood memories. I feel sad that my children probably won't get that until they are much older.

Close to where we live there are houses in a square shape with a green in the middle. I've always said to DH I'd love to buy a house there so the kids can play out!

Ankleswingers · 07/08/2017 21:11

Absolutely no way. My DS is six. A very sensible six year old but there is no chance I would allow him to play out in the street yet.

Fuck that. He is still so young and easily influenced.

Badhairday1001 · 07/08/2017 21:11

My 6 year old is allowed to play out and my set up sounds very similar to yours. She is very sensible and can only go where I can see her from the house. It has to be your call though, whatever you feel comfortable with.

user53592952153 · 07/08/2017 21:15

I would let them with the proviso that they don't leave the road without talking to you first. Then they can come home and ask and you can say no at that point.

UpYouGo · 07/08/2017 21:18

Tbh a 6yo playing infront of their house is probably less likely to get up to mischief, than an 11yo roaming around the local park!

purplecollar · 07/08/2017 21:18

Nobody lets them out on their own here until they're about 11. Might be because of where we live.

For me, no my six year old wouldn't have been safe going out on their own in any environment. Trust your instincts.

FrancesHaHa · 07/08/2017 21:21

I sit in the doorstep so my 6 year old is insight, sometimes pop in the house but check very frequently. I do think she gets to play with more of a variety of children eg range of ages by playing out plus she's well out of earshot usually (unless she shouts!) so i let her negotiate disputes etc on her own.

She has strict boundaries such as not allowed round the corner. I wouldn't let her out alone yet, but plenty of kids are, and seem fine.m

Wouldn't let her be n her own for any length of time thoug

Imamouseduh · 07/08/2017 21:22

YABU and if your views are common I feel sorry for kids nowadays!

Helendipity · 07/08/2017 21:24

Good question OP. I wouldn't!

If unsure I'd always calculate risk vs reward.

Realistically, there are risks associated with him playing out unsupervised - from the common and mundane (lost, crossing roads, silly things under influence of others) to unlikely but more serious things (we all know the kind).

I don't think the positives outweigh those risks here.

He could have just as much fun with friends you invite over to play - he's only 6 and has all the time in the world for playing out.

Plus the idea of the much older children is worrying... I had a lot of freedom to play out when younger but the older children would lead us into things that, looking back, were not safe at all. One time I ended up on an adventure game where we ran away to nearby village, got mars bars and walked back - all along 60mph country roads and without a clue between us all. I completely trusted the older children and would probably have done anything they'd suggested in reason - as you do at 6.

🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸

YokoReturns · 07/08/2017 21:24

To put this into perspective, in the early 1950s, my dad and his siblings used to get booted out of the house for an unsupervised entire day out, with their six month old sister in her pram Shock My DAuntie (one of her older sisters) can't remember what they took with them to make sure she didn't expire Hmm

Obviously, that's just how things were 60 years ago, and there were far fewer cars so it might have been perceived as safe. We have so many cars in our cul-de-sac, DS1 (4) just doesn't 'see' stuff so I always supervise him.

AndNowItIsSeven · 07/08/2017 21:28

I think it's fine, mind played out from reception age so nearly five. Where I live everyone is really nosy though.

Original poster
Celestia26 · 07/08/2017 21:29

I'm feeling better about saying no with all these responses! May get my DH to read this thread. My heart says no, he is so easily lead, and I'd never forgive myself if something happened. Thanks for not making me feel like a ridiculously over protective parent! ☺

OP posts:
PetyrBaelish · 07/08/2017 21:30

If you live near a dangerous road/building site or live in an area with a high crime rate then obviously it's a stupid idea, but if you live in a quiet residential area like OP then I think having some early independence is a good thing. It's only a recent thing that children often aren't allowed out of an adult's sight until they are teenagers, and I am worried about children being too dependent and sheltered as a result.

Popfan · 07/08/2017 21:32

Nope definitely not. It's far too young. Go with your instincts.

jarhead123 · 07/08/2017 21:33

My eldest is 9 and I wouldn't let him play out alone.

Irresponsible parenting IMO, but each to their own

Starlight2345 · 07/08/2017 21:40

Gut instincts here.. I let my DS play out about 7..Neighbour said her 9 year old would watch .. but I cleaned car out, various bits and bobs so was around..Turned my back couldn't see him.. Neighbours child didn't know where he had gone...He had gone into another friends house on street..Told Mum I knew he was there.. So he got marched back home ..I had no issue with the 9 year old. He was too young to be responsible for another child.

Boredboredboredboredbored · 07/08/2017 21:42

No chance.

Flossy1978 · 07/08/2017 21:46

Jarhead123 that is very rude of you to call others irresponsible parents if they let their kids out to play alone.

What a pathetic world we live in if people won't let their kids out to play. Life is actually safer now for kids than 50 years ago.

We are talking so much away from our children, keeping them wrapped up inside. God forbid they learn independence, their own decision making etc.

wiltingfast · 07/08/2017 21:46

A yes here. In fact she's probably been playing out since she was 5 or so. Her brother too. Loads of other kids out too. Totally normal here.

Quiet cul de sac though.

I think they need the space and independence tbh. I'd have loved it at their age. growing up middle of nowhere No Fun