To be worried about ex and wedding

[LapsangSouchong13]

DP & I are getting married later in the year & instead of being excited I'm worrying about an ex trying to screw me over. I was seeing him for a short time before DP & I got together & I ended it because of how horribly he talked about people. When I first met him I thought he was messing about but realised he was serious & told me about a guy he got his own back on. Right after I split with him he sent me a horrible FB message calling me a bitch etc & saying I'd get everything I deserved. I blocked him everwhere & blocked his number & avoid his favourite places but we've got mutual acquaintances & I'm scared he's somehow going to find out when & where we're getting married. He's mega outgoing & I can honestly see him having the front to try to ruin the wedding. I know legally the doors have to be kept open so there's no way we can physcially keep him out if he did turn up. I just don't want to have to worry about this. Anyone been in a similar situation?

Yikes he sounds unhinged.

Are your wedding plans already made?

If not how about doing the actual wedding on one day (quietly, registry office) doors open as per the law. Then you could have a lovely humanist ceremony or blessing and reception in the venue of your choice with a bouncer if necessary!

Good luck!

Can you have a couple of ushers at the door who are aware of the situation and who will quietly keep him out? If they are warned in advance they would be ready (I'm not suggesting heavy security just letting the ushers know)

For the reception as far as I know the landlord or owner can bar anyone.
Enjoy your wedding and be happy that you met your DH

Hey OP

I have similar fears for mine. Does DP know the situation?

If so have his best man/ ushers or friends sitting near the doors after seeing a pic and a briefing that he's to be kept firmly out.

I always thought it was a joke but apparently if someone objects they can't go through with the marriage

He can only stop the wedding if there's something legal prohibiting you getting married (i.e. You're already married) he can't stop it just because he feels like it. It's not like in Eastenders. I'd warn the vicar/registrar and see what their advice is.

if someone objects they can't go through with the marriage

That isn't true. The registrars will speak to the person objecting in private and speak to the couple privately too. They will probably phone the GRO for advice. But there are very few legal reasons which could actually stop the wedding going ahead (if the bride or groom is under coercion, if one of them is still married etc.).

Persp

That's good to hear... and perhaps my friend who was telling the story of it happening to her work colleague was telling slight porkies then!

DP knows about it but is much more laidback than me & thinks I'm worrying for nothing. I split with this guy 3.5 years ago & haven't had contact since so I might be being arrogant thinking he still cares enough to do anything but the stuff he used to say & that message makes me nervous. I think he could be a "revenge is a dish best served cold" person. We've booked everything with the registrar so I think trying to change anything now wold be really difficult. I'm worried about the embarassment as much as anything as I don't know what he could come out with. I wondered about telling this ushers but don't know if there's anything they could really do. I might speak to the registrar but don't want to seem like an Eastenders type!

krispmallow - perhaps you friend's colleague's objector had a valid legal reason for stopping the wedding.

However, even though "I shagged the groom last night" isn't a valid legal reason for stopping the wedding...it might be enough for the bride to call it off herself.

Agree maybe some ushers at the door. But if he does turn up he's not going to look anyway cool. Just a bitter ex. who can't move on. I doubt your guests will have anything to do with him.

Try not to worry about things you can't control.

@krispmallow nonsense there has to be a legal reason which is why the officiant says 'does anyone know of any LAWFUL IMPEDIMENT Why these two may not be joined in matrimony'
Any old ex cannot stop a wedding!

3.5 years with no contact is a hell of a long time - he's almost certainly found someone else to be a bastard to. I really wouldn't worry. That FB message was angry bluster - it doesn't mean it will translate into action this long afterwards.

I sometimes get blank Facebook profiles coming up under "people you may know" & have wondered whether they're him so always block. I might just be paranoid though!

Unless you've had anu other indication that he'll do this, i'd stop worrying. 3.5 years is a long time to hold a grudge, surely?

I honestly don't think you need to worry after three and a half years.

You sound unduly paranoid, based on what you've written

I think you are giving him more headspace than he deserves and more than is warranted for someone who hasn't been in touch in 3.5 years

Surely after 3.5 years he's moved on? Sending someone else abusive messages now perhaps

I think the chances are you're all right & I need a bit of a smack with the rational stick. I've always made mountains out of molehills so just hope I am in this case.

But if anybody has had somebody like that turn up to their wedding pleae let me know how you dealt with it! I want to have some kind of plan in place even if I'm being ridiculous.

2014

I said above my friend must have been telling a lie, which is a bit bloody ridiculous!

I get how you feel op, I still worry about bumping into an ex I last saw nearly 9 years ago when I visit my hometown! Had a horrible break up and he absolutely hated me. I know he probably doesn't give a shit now but I always have this fear he's saying awful things about me! Agree with pp's, try not to worry and have a couple of ushers on door for peace of mind :)