Timms one DS join in

[Bettydownthehall]

DS1 is 14 yo. I have 4 other DC. 4 of which, including DS1 spent 5 nights per fortnight with their dad.

I work full time but have a number of days off annual leave during these holidays, DD5's nan is also having them one day per week so between her, me and their dad, childcare is covered.

When DS is with his dad and DD's nan, he does not do much. Maybe a dog walk or Pokemon hunting but that's it. Therefore on my days off I have planned cheap things to donlike country parks, a few cinema trips and swimming. We also have a weekend away with my dad coming up and a caravan weekend in norfolk. DS does not see school friends or other friends during the holidays as he claims they just don't meet up. DS 2 is out all the time though meeting his mates.

I worry about DS as he must get bored. He spends most of his time on YouTube videos or playing games on his phone in his room on his own. Tomorrow he doesn't want to come swimming as he says it boring despite me going to a pool with waves and slides. He will also not want to come on walks and things, which is fine but then he will just be on his own in his room on pointless games.

AIbu to make him come swimming? I worry about him doing nothing all day. It's not healthy

Ahhh that was meant to say To make DS join in

I need to edit the title and then maybe someone will comment 😂

it's called being a teenager. he probably don't want to hang out with his mum in case his mates see him.

Best,
M.JD

@MartinJD do you see anyone else here signing their posts? Stop, it's embarrassing.

OP I think you're right to be concerned if he's used to going on activities with you and his brother and getting nothing at all at his dad's. Swimming-wise can you persuade him with promise of a meal or something else he likes - just to get him out with you and his brother? He may be going into the stroppy teen thing of not wanting to do anything - plus he's getting used to being allowed 24 hour a day screen time by the sound of it from his dad! - but when he gets there he'll have a great time.

At the same time he is of that age where he might need a little more space and a little less entertaining at every moment like smaller kids. Does he have any hobbies that get him out of his room, or anything that he would particularly like to do? Have you asked him what kind of things he might like to do outside of the house? :)

Thank you for the reply. He doesn't have any hobbies. I always ask him if he would like to try this and that and he doesn't. He enjoys watching football so we go and watch his team once a year (expensive) and he is not interested in local football.

I think I will make him come swimming

@eatingonlyapples
I asked MartinJD yesterday why he signed with his name- he said "one must try to converse with civility."
Absolute creep

@talonofthehawk it's a very old-fashioned way of using internet forums so I would think he's not used to using modern ones. It's weird nowadays but used to be the norm!

Mumsnet doesn't have signatures like most forums do where you can choose to have an image following your every post. Then again Mumsnet doesn't have quotes, bookmarks or anything that the modern forum has, so maybe he's come from a better place!! The lack of easy quoting especially is inexcusable these days.

@bettydownthehall

I feel like "making" him come is going to just cause arguments all day... not fun for you or your younger children. I mean the kid is 14, and youtube and games are the kind of thing that teenagers do now. You should absolutely try to persuade him because he will have a great time - is there something he's uncomfortable about? I remember my brother being uncomfortable being shirtless at that age. It's not easy. Would his brothers have a better time if he was there, do they get on?

Basically you can't make him come if he doesn't want to - he'll throw a massive teen strop and make it hell for all of you - but if you can bribe or persuade him, that's a better deal.

If he doesn't come that doesn't mean he can have all-day youtube access though! There's always the option of changing the wifi password or setting up parental guidance....

He's 14. A bit beyond the age where you have to be coming up with organised activities for him to do, really. I'd just leave him to it. If computer games and YouTube are what he enjoys, fine. I've never really understood the need for parents to force their older children to do activities they're not remotely interested in during their school holidays. He spends all day every day at school being told what to do and having his time organised, so it seems perfectly fine to me for him to spend his holidays holed up in his room if that's what he enjoys.

Plenty of people my age spent the entire summer holiday every year throughout the 80s slumped on the sofa staring at Why Don't You, Junior Kickstart and crap dubbed foreign drama series all day, and it did us absolutely no harm. That's not really any different to a teenager being glued to YouTube.

I don't think I could've thought of anything worse at 14 than going swimming with my mum and siblings. Or anything better than having the house to myself all day and not being nagged. I wouldn't make him come tbh, he's unlikely to be happy about it, and that could ruin everyone's day.

@MartinJD - sign your posts all you want. It doesn't make you a creep and who cares if anyone else thinks it's embarrassing.

You need to find a 'hook' to interest him, and swimming isn't doing it at the moment.

Geocashing?

River (rather than local pool) swimming?

Build a go-cart together and let him ride it? A skate park? A museum that caters to stuff he likes (natural history/science/space)? if any of that is near you.

In my experience (used to be a foster carer, had loads of 14 yr old boys), they LOVE regressing to childhood, but it has to be something fun for them. Find that fun and watch them love it!

If you have younger sibs, something without them (so he doesn't have to feel like a carer or responsible for the younger kids)?

Good luck!