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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dogs and Toddlers... AIBU?

29 replies

RainontheTrain · 07/08/2017 18:06

Genuinely don't know if IABU... help please MNers!

I have a one year old DD. MIL lives nearby and we go round once or twice a week. Lovely lady, dotes on DD. She has a small dog. Every time we go round, the dog runs to the door, jumps up & scratches... and keeps scratching. My arms & legs are always covered in scratches when I go round! FIL suggests putting dog outside, MIL just tells it off (and it continues) and then it becomes a 'thing' and everyone just awkwardly pretends it's ok. We kept the dog away from DD when she was a little baby but now she's toddling, she loves to play with her. Went round over the weekend and dog was constantly licking and scratching her - so hard that she ended up with deep red scratches down her back. Didn't bother her, but I've never seen it like that before. MIL moved dog to one side but refused to put her out. I tried to engage DD with other things but I didn't want to make a huge scene so just said 'oh she's fine!' Is this normal though? I never had dogs growing up? I've not made a fuss about it, and DD is quite chilled but I can't just let a dog scratch my child like that can I?! WIBU to ask for the dog to be put outside if she scratches? Thanks in advance

OP posts:

InDubiousBattle · 07/08/2017 18:10

"MIL, last time we came the dog covered dd in deep , red scratches. It can not happen again so the dog needs to be put outside when we come over. Or you're welcome to come to ours and leave the dog at home."

SavoyCabbage · 07/08/2017 18:10

My dog does this. It's an absolute nightmare and we just don't seem to be able to get her to stop. With our dog it's excitement. When someone comes round she's ridiculous excited and wants to hurl herself at them. She sort of kneads you with her front paws.

So, we put her in another room when some one comes or keep her on a lead if we are expecting someone. We don't just let her run riot!

Ropsleybunny · 07/08/2017 18:12

I have a dog and she has to stay in her bed if necessary. Your MIL is well out of order, dogs should be well behaved. I don't know what to suggest though.

Farmerswife4life1984 · 07/08/2017 18:13

Sorry but YABU. My dog gets excited etc but id not put her in another room . It's her home . I'd try and teach dog not to jump
Or scratch but I'd not put her in another room or kick her out . I'm a firm believer in it being my dogs home as much as ours . Sorry but I do think it's unreasonable to expect mil to put dog outside or in another room

MrsBennettsNerves · 07/08/2017 18:15

As SavoyCabbage says it's probably excitement. Rather than telling off, the dog needs teaching an incompatible behaviour, e.g. sitting to greet visitors. Needs super exciting treats though to break through the excitement of jumping up. Needs consistency too (visitors turn their back and ignore when scratching/jumping), but this sounds unlikely to happen if MIL doesn't really see the problem, so yes I'd ask if the dog can be contained somehow until it calms down or for the duration of the visit if it never calms down. Hard though - I wouldn't put my dogs outside for long lengths of time, which a visit might be. I would shut behind a baby gate though.

KimmySchmidt1 · 07/08/2017 18:18

This is not normal. Dogs should be trained well enough not to repeatedly scratch children. You have a perfect right to ask for it to be kept away if it cannot stop scratching, either by being on a very short lead next to MIL, or in another room.

Usually this behave is subconsciously encouraged by the owner who, instead sternly calling it and pushing it down, cuddles and coos at it (which tells the dog it is being rewarded for its behaviour).

I love dogs, but in my view if she cannot control the dog you have the right to push it away and say "no!" sternly to it repeatedly until it stops scratching your child.

If the MIL doesn't like that or finds that it interrupts the conversation she can send it out.

Original poster

RainontheTrain · 07/08/2017 18:19

Thanks for the replies. I do understand how much she loves her dog and it's her dog's home. MIL is quite old and a bit batty (in a nice way) and I don't want to hurt her feelings as she gets quite nervous... it looks bloody painful though. I'm going to have to tell nursery about it too!

OP posts:

Angelicinnocent · 07/08/2017 18:20

Was going to suggest baby gate. My mil used to do this when my DC were little just to stop them licking them, knocking them over etc. Always worth remembering that even lovely dogs shouldn't be trusted around toddlers they aren't used to, of a little one accidentally pulls fur or gets too enthusiastic, a dog can bite them suddenly out of fear or shock.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 07/08/2017 18:23

I'm a dog owner and YANBU. I have an 18 month old and they adore each other but he is a lab/Springer cross so very excitable and energetic so if any other kids come round he is put in another room as he is too likely to knock them over or bash them with his tail. Yes the dogs are only being excitable and friendly but that doesn't mean they can't hurt the children by accident.

rachrach2 · 07/08/2017 19:12

Yanbu at all! I have lively dogs and they've never made a mark on my children. I also have no problem shutting them away when we have visitors who aren't keen.

DJBaggySmalls · 07/08/2017 19:17

YANBU. I'm a life long dog owner and they need training. Excitable dogs can be taken for a long walk before visitors arrive to help them calm down more quickly. I'm always saddened by the threads where people admit they dont walk or train their dogs. They must be so bored.

Maelstrop · 07/08/2017 19:44

No way would I allow this. Either the dog is trained not to do this or it goes in another room. I was mortified when my puppy jumped and scratched my dn. He was trained to stop jumping asap. It's absolutely unacceptable to allow the dog to leave marks on her.

AtHomeDadGlos · 07/08/2017 19:52

YANBU and I'd stop taking your DD round. A little nip could easily disfigure her for life.

Was on a dog friendly beach the other day when an untrained puppy came sprinting onto the beach and over to my DD (20 months). Jumped up on her and I pushed it away. When it did again five minutes later it got a firm clip round the head. Didn't come back. Dogs need to be shown who's the boss, they're pack animals.

Your MIL sounds like one of those dog owners where the dog is equal to a human. Nonsense. They both need training. You can start by training your MIL that you don't bring DD round if the dog stays in the room. She'll soon learn.

Mrscropley · 07/08/2017 19:54

So when your dd has facial scars will mil continue to defend the bloody dog??
As a dog owner of 3 and lots of dc she is a disgrace. .

Runssometimes · 07/08/2017 19:57

They need to train the dog. I got my dog when he was a year old and he used to jump up, didn't scratch but he's a Labrador so cannot be jumping on people. It's not that hard to train them. Everyone ignores and turns their back on the dog until he sits quietly. My dog learnt pretty quickly but we got everyone, guests and older kids on board. IME small dogs are less likely to be trained not to jump as people see it as less serious but it's not ok. I'm very dog tolerant but no way should your child have scratches through canine bad manners. It can be very threatening for some small kids, I can't stand it.

NoKidsTwoCats · 07/08/2017 19:59

It's not unusual at all - but can be stopped with consistent and effective training (positive reinforcement, NOT punishment).

Dogs Trust has some good explanations of training the basics (DOWN sounds like it could be helpful!) and also how to find a good training class: www.dogstrust.org.uk/help-advice/factsheets-downloads/basicdogtrainingfactsheetnov13.pdf

Caterina99 · 07/08/2017 20:04

I'm not a dog owner, and although I do like dogs, I'm not a huge fan of them as I'm allergic to them and would not like myself or my DS to be scratched by one.

YANBU. Yes the dog is just excited,
But it shouldn't be scratching your DD. Just as I wouldn't allow my DS (age 2) to scratch another child or animal. Accidents happen of course, but this is easily preventable by either training the dog or taking it outside. I have friends that don't like cats. I put my cat in another room when they visit.

pigsDOfly · 07/08/2017 20:08

Of course it''s not acceptable for her dog to leave scratches on your DD, or anyone else come to that.

Nothing wrong with the dog being in another room if it's not been trained enough to stop jumping up when told.

My dog says hello when people come to the house and then, more often than not, will take herself off up stairs so she can have a bit of peace and quiet. If she stays in the room she tends to lie on the floor and watch what's happening.

There's absolutely no need for this to be permitted. My house is very much my dog's home, she's allowed everywhere and always meets people excitedly at the door, but dog need to be taught good manners. Jumping up at people and scratching them most definitely isn't good manners.

madentitlement · 07/08/2017 20:09

You cave allow a small dog to take over your life this way! If you can't say it to her face just copy pp message, blunt, direct, no room fir confusion in a text message. If the dog scratched my 1year old I'd have politely kicked it into the next postcode!

Booboostwo · 07/08/2017 20:50

A poster who hit a puppy and another who suggests kicking a dog, what a wonderful thread! These suggestions are not just cruel, but utterly idiotic as they are the best way to get yourself bitten.

Of course the dog should not jump up but it is an easily solvable problem with a bit of training. In the short term the dog could be controlled with a lead, in a crate if it is crate trained, behind a baby gate, etc and distracted with a nice chew until it calms down. Fundamentally you don't have a dog problem, you have a MIL problem. It's the MIL who has to acknowledge the issue and deal,with it.

madentitlement · 07/08/2017 20:56

And back in the real world and not the magical world of speculation..... d-fucking-oh 🙄

AtHomeDadGlos · 07/08/2017 21:00

I'm not advocating hitting dogs in general, or as a training method, but it stopped the little shit approaching us again. So worked well for me. I literally couldn't give a toss about some strangers dog vs my child and her being ok.

Llanali · 07/08/2017 21:01

I completely agree with @Booboostwo first paragraph: smacking a dog currently displaying high energy behaviour will escalate the situation not calm it, and could well result in getting bitten.

And I do wonder, how does one "politely" kick an animal!?

I have many dogs, including fosters etc and a I have DC.

There are ways and methods of sorting this, and sortable it is, but I agree; this is a MIL issue not a dog issue.

The dog should be crated/behind a gate until the behaviour is sorted. You can't have your child at risk like that, I agree.

Hotdognoketchup · 07/08/2017 21:03

It's not okay for your DC to get scratched by a dog, but you do need to make it clear that it isn't okay. The dog should ideally be trained and if not put out or put in a crate while you are there. I have a bouncy dog who isn't great with DC other than his own. Short term visitors he goes in crate, if they are staying over we carefully monitor him and always stay in room with him if he isn't in crate. Your mil needs to step up but you need to let her know that you need her to do this.

Llanali · 07/08/2017 21:03

I don't care about strangers dogsc or even my own if it came to anyone's child vs dog, but hitting it is likely to get you bitten, and that won't help will it, because you'll be injured, the dog will still be running riot, your kids would be scared and someone else will have to help sort it out.

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