Would you say something?

[Happyhappyveggie]

My friend is 42. Wants kids but doesn't see the rush. I'm always slightly amazed at how she (and partner) don't see the urgency of it if she really wants children naturally. Aibu to gently say to them that seriously time is of the essence here!!
I know that they haven't explored treatment options or anything like that and they haven't been trying yet as they don't see the age factor as an issue. Would you say 'get a move on' to them?! I know its totally none of my business but I'd hate them to miss the boat because of their seeming naivety.

Nah, I'm sure she's aware.

Maybe she doesn't want them and that's her stock answer?

SiL is similar (but a bit younger).

Nope. Nod and smile.

Could she be bluffing? When we were ttc even my best friends didn't know, and we made a lot of "some day" remarks.

It would be heartbreaking if they missed the boat by accident, though.

If your friend is a 42 year olds woman who is mentally competent, living in a developed country and has access to media she knows this already. She knows. If she has a partner they may have a story you don't know, if she doesn't she may not want to go it alone. If you're close then by all means open a cheery conversation but I'd steer clear of daily mail style 'your ovaries are shrivelling whilst you fiddle around playing at a career' warnings.

Genuinely don't think they are bluffing! I always nod and smile as I know it's none of my business but am slightly

Def don't say anything! With the best intentions in the world, you don't know what's going on behind closed doors.

Ha ha @macncheese yea, I wouldn't do the 'your ovaries are shrivelling' daily mail style (even though I do think it a tiny bit sometimes!)

How are they going to 'miss the boat' by accident? If they aren't clued up enough on this then maybe it's best they just carry on as they are.

I expect they've probably been trying for a while though and just don't want to talk about it. In fact, it might be quite hurtful for others to be going on about it really if they are having problems.

I know @youthecat - I'd never want to upset anyone. Genuinely think they dont see the urgency though.

I know it's totally not my business too

A friend is undergoing IVF treatment currently & has only told select people about this (includes me, but not her self professed best mate who is a bit of a gossip). Maybe your friend is the same?

Possibly @genghi - I've never asked really as wouldn't want to intrude. It's just the stuff they say that makes me think they are naive

They probably just want to end the subject. I think you definitely don't have the full picture here and it doesn't help anyone to speculate.

You would be incredibly unreasonable to say something.

She's a 42 year old woman. There's no way she's got to that age without having heard 'tick tock...' at least a dozen times before. Hell, I'm 32 and I've heard it plenty already!

I'm sure everyone who makes those kind of comments thinks they're being helpful. They're not.

You have no idea what's going on privately between her and her partner in this situation. Please, please, do NOT say 'get a move on' to her!

I do this all the time – I am not as old as your friend, but I say to anyone who asks (and so many people actually think it is ok to ask!) a variation on the theme of who knows/maybe one day/not in a rush as I don’t want to tell anybody that we have been trying for so long with no luck. It makes me clam up and want to puke when the subject is discussed but I don’t think anyone would realise that.

Don’t risk insulting or hurting her by pushing it.

Me too wildjim, a breezy 'oh who knows, maybe one day!' was always my stock answer when the truth was that my (now-ex) partner had decided all of a sudden that he didn't want kids after all, and I was hoping desperately that he might change his mind.

It's still my answer now with my new partner who very much does want kids, but we've not quite been together long enough to feel ready to try just yet.

I don't understand why anyone else thinks they're entitled to any other kind of answer on this.

We were trying from when I was 37. Didn't tell anybody about it, just gave the usual, 'Maybe some day' answer. I got pregnant when I was 41. So it could be the same situation for your friend.

If your friend is a 42 year olds woman who is mentally competent, living in a developed country and has access to media she knows this already.

Yup. Whenever I've heard similar from friends it's transpired later that they were trying/had fertility issues/relationship was on the rocks or similar. Please don't offer any advice unless requested.

It's impossible to get to 40 without knowing about how it effects fertility. Trust me they have heard everything you want to say many times.
Leave them alone.

Also I would feel you were being incredibly patronising and offensive if you felt I was so daft I needed it pointing out.
Rude and hurtful.

Maybe what she is trying to tell you is that they are taking a 'whatever happens happens' approach and would be happy with whichever outcome.

I know someone who genuinely acted as such at 41. She did have one child though, but she was fine with either outcome second time. She did fall pregnant at 42 after about 6 months trying I think.

Of course she knows . She's either TTC but doesn't want to share, or doesn't want children and is hoping that this puts people off asking.

Don't say anything to her. It's noones business but her and her partner's. She could be ttc or have had issues before.. you don't always know. None of my friends or family do.

No definitely don't say anything.