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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have a child, but don't get a dog?!

30 replies

CoughLaughFart · 07/08/2017 15:12

Long time friend is happily childless, and until a year ago was happily single. Now she's all loved up, her mother and sister (who has two kids) are really ramping up the 'When are you going to have a baby?' routine. To be fair her mother has been doing it for years, but now it's 'Now you've finally found a man you haven't got an excuse anymore'. She keeps telling them she's not interested (her partner isn't either) but it either falls on deaf ears or it's 'you're being selfish, you'll regret it when you're older' etc.

Friend and partner have now decided they want a dog. She made the mistake of mentioning this to her mother and sister. Their reactions were priceless. 'Do you know how expensive they are? How much looking after they take? What will you do with it when you're at work?'

Surely they must see some irony in trying to push her into bringing human life into the world, whilst telling her that a pet is too much responsibility?

OP posts:

Decaffstilltastesweird · 07/08/2017 15:19

I love dogs and I love babies. I'd never want the two together though, as I imagine it would be very hard work. Like having twins! Maybe this friend's family think that if she gets a dog she is less likely to decide to have a baby too?

ANewAlias · 07/08/2017 15:24

It's frowned upon to shut your baby in the back garden because they're making too much noise.

I also got funny looks when I rubbed DS(26 months) nose in a poo when he soiled the carpet.

MiL hates it when I leave my children in the back of our Volvo even though I crack a window and leave a bowl of water.

Children tied up outside of Waitrose always get raised eyebrows.

...

No OP, you're entirely correct to liken dogs to children!

Neutrogena · 07/08/2017 15:26

My friend didn't want a 2nd child, he wanted a dog instead.
His wife was desperate for another baby and he acquiesced.
Now he has infant twins and no dog.
He is unhappy.

quercuscircus · 07/08/2017 16:35

Ridiculous people. Grr.

Trouble is, people who try to force anything on other people are rarely the reasonable sort, so you'll never win with them.

Pigface1 · 07/08/2017 16:43

anewalias the OP clearly isn't likening having dogs to having children. In fact I think that the distinction between the two is the underlying point of the post.

ButchyRestingFace · 07/08/2017 16:51

I also got funny looks when I rubbed DS(26 months) nose in a poo when he soiled the carpet.

You rubbed your dog's nose in poo?

Maelstrop · 07/08/2017 17:29

How is it selfish to not want children? If her mum keeps banging on about it, she should trot out my standard response of 'That's very personal, how is it any of your business?'

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 07/08/2017 18:12

Christ, Butchy, of course she didn't. I think it's called poetic licence...

brasty · 07/08/2017 18:18

Yes OP, very ironic. But something I have come across before. Sadly there are still too many people who try and pressure childfree adults to have children.

KimmySchmidt1 · 07/08/2017 18:24

I would frown at you for rubbing a dog's nose in poo actually.

FlandersRocks · 07/08/2017 18:30

She's being ur to keep going on about a baby.

I kind of agree with her sentiments about a dog though. I'd love a dog but they are too much responsibility for us. We have 3 dc though

ButchyRestingFace · 07/08/2017 18:34

Christ, Butchy, of course she didn't. I think it's called poetic licence...

I know what poetic licence is, thanks.

It seemed a rather strange example to slot in with a bunch of other examples which could easily - and reasonably - happen to a dog.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/08/2017 18:37

Your friend needs to learn how to be an adult and live her life without running to her judgemental family about every decision she makes. She's bringing all of this nonsense onto herself.

TooBadRabbits · 07/08/2017 18:38

Fwiw. I have many children and many dogs

All my child free friends have dogs

I would happily recommend ANYone to get a dog. Children...maybe not so much

MrsDneedsaB · 07/08/2017 18:42

This is a subject that many people just "don't get", maybe because the thought of having a dog doesn't appeal to them or the thought of not having children is ludicrous.

I have two dogs, hopefully will one day have children too, they have taught me so much about unconditional love and responsibility for another life - just like a baby would. The dogs are family members not pets. They are my original fur-babies haha

It makes me laugh when people think having 6 kids is fine but having a child and a dog is far too much 🤦🏼‍♀️

Original poster

CoughLaughFart · 07/08/2017 18:45

Your friend needs to learn how to be an adult and live her life without running to her judgemental family about every decision she makes. She's bringing all of this nonsense onto herself.

Telling her family what's going on in her life is 'running to them about every decision'? Jesus Christ, how do you ever have a conversation ?

OP posts:

Original poster

CoughLaughFart · 07/08/2017 18:47

Alias - well done on (inadvertently) proving my point. Children are a LOT more work than dogs - yet apparently raising another human being is something we all should do regardless.

OP posts:

QuackDuckQuack · 07/08/2017 18:51

A few years ago I was discussing dogs with a colleague and I was asked if I had one. My response was 'oh no, I'm not responsible enough to have a dog'. He gave my pregnant belly a look.

I'd be an awful dog owner, but I'm a decent parent .

Papafran · 07/08/2017 19:00

Haha at Alias totally missing the point.

The mum sounds hideous. How is it possibly selfish to not have a child? Selfish to whom exactly?

Tell her to get a big, scary-looking dog and teach it to growl menacingly at her mum as soon as she starts talking about babies.

NoKidsTwoCats · 07/08/2017 19:01

Christ. It makes me so glad my parents and PILs just accept the fact we don't want kids and never will. But we will always have cats! ;)

Maybe her mum's trying to convince her not to get dogs as she's frightened that will put paid to the idea of her having more grandkids?

Or maybe they're just strange people who don't like animals/pets? My DH's sister (they're not an animal-y family at all) got cats recently and MIL wasn't keen even though it's not really anything to do with her. (That said, SIL then didn't neuter her cats and has ended up with kittens so I'm not exactly impressed either... Eejit)

Original poster

CoughLaughFart · 07/08/2017 19:04

How is it possibly selfish to not have a child? Selfish to whom exactly?

Exactly Papa. I hear this argument a lot - but who is it selfish towards? It's not a case of abandoning a child - they don't exist yet!

OP posts:

ClemHFandango · 07/08/2017 19:17

Both my mum and my MIL were like this before we got our dog. Thankfully they're not being pushy about us having kids, but we did think it was weird that they were so doom and gloom about us getting a dog.

nikiforov · 07/08/2017 19:27

I'm childfree and it's RIDICULOUSLY hard to avoid anybody asking me about kids. It gets fucking grating - you tell them multiple times it's not going to happen, all you get told is "you'll change your mind" and "never say never", "what about your poor parents?" the list goes on and on and on.

My parents don't even care, but the rest of my family seems to care immensely. I've made posts about it asking people to stop questioning my life choices (yes, it got that bad) and they called me selfish for not having kids when X relative couldn't. I didn't know this information and I'm not having kids just because he can't?

NoKidsTwoCats · 07/08/2017 19:37

nikiforov
I hear ya! Also, it's not 'are you having kids?' (which is pretty personal in itself), it's 'WHEN are you having kids?' as if the assumption is that because we're a certain age and married, that's the next step and our only option. It's so rude and presumptuous.

Can't stand being told we'll 'change our minds': we won't. I also hate the whole 'oh but it's wonderful you're missing out on so much you should do it!'. Err, no. We're OK, thanks. DH and I rather enjoy our child free life and have made an informed and logical decision that works for our lifestyle. Wish people would respect that.

/rant

nikiforov · 07/08/2017 19:41

Wish people would respect that.

It frustrates me because a lot of my family know about my crippling emetophobia after a family event where I ran out sobbing/having a panic attack because somebody's child was sick in the restaurant we were eating in and had to leave completely because I couldn't be in a room where there was POSSIBLY a sickness bug.

How on earth they think I could and should raise a child is baffling to me when I'm terrified of something that children do very frequently - I shouldn't have a child to help me POSSIBLY get over my phobia when I could actually make it worse and very negatively affect that child's life when I'm not there when they're ill and then impart negative feelings about vomiting onto them and continue the cycle.

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