AIBU to have this baby?

[LillyPillly]

Feeling really stressed out and torn about my current situation.

I have 3 children. 2 are autistic. They are 5,4 and 1 years old.

My 2 youngest are autistic and are very high maintenance. My 4 year old is still in nappies, can't dress himself, is basically still a 'baby' in most ways. My 18 month old also got diagnosed with autism and I know I will face similar challenges with him.

However....I went off the pill 3 months ago as it was giving me terrible migraines. My husband was due to get the snip this Friday and we have had sex 1 time in the last 3 months as we were trying to be careful, but I guess we weren't careful enough and this morning I found out I am pregnant.

I am so happy but so scared at the same time. We have plenty of money and can afford to buy a 5 bedroom house in a nice area, a 7 seater car etc. I am more worried about the fact I won't have enough time to devote to my high-needs children. I feel so guilty. I know the chances go having another autistic child is about 50% now I have 2 autistic kids too.

I have no support or family close by. My husband does what he can, but he works long hours and I only see him briefly before and after work and on weekends! We are happily married, have been together for 11 years.

I don't want an abortion, my kids are my life and I think I would feel really guilty if I aborted one. My husband said that we should just talk about all the options to make sure we are doing the right thing. It will be a hard slog with my current situation, but so many people would love to be in my situation and can't.

Advice needed please.

YANBU - an abortion you don't want can be awful and traumatising. If you have plenty of money for the extra space/car can you also afford some help at home with the children? A nanny or similar?

It sounds very much like you want to keep the baby, despite your circumstances.

I spoke to my husband about that and he said he thought we might be able to get a nanny for a few months after the baby is born to help out and then get a cleaner or something after that so I'm not too overwhelmed!

Thank you. If I do go ahead with it (which I think I will) I will get a hysterectomy at the same time!

Ok, so devils advocate her... how would you be able to cope with (potentially) 3 autistic kids? What kind of quality of life are you able to give your existing kids (including the one without autism)? How would that change when you add a fourth child to the mix?

It's all well and good that you want this baby, but you do have 3 other kids to think about and two of which have highly specialized needs. If you can manage all 4 kids without negatively impacting one or the other then great.

It might not be what you planned but that doesn't mean it would be wrong to have the baby. It's always odd how when trying for a baby it takes months/years of planned timing sex and yet the one off sex is when you do get pregnant!