To ask for your help to turn my life around?

[Cowardlycustard2]

Just that really. I am so fed up of living the way I do. Both me and OH work in "responsible" jobs - the kind that require a lot of organisation and brain power but the money doesn't match 2 older/ teenage DC. No extended family around to help. Life seems to be constant chaos, rushing around, doing stuff at the last minute. Getting to things with 2 seconds to spare. Finances all over the place, we will budget and make savings plan and stick to it for a bit and then all goes pear shaped again. House and garden are a mess. I am lucky enough to be term time only and should be on top of the jobs by now but get a rising panic when I think of everything that needs doing and end up losing any motivation. Had 6 sessions of CBT last year which was really useful in helping me start to address some of my issues with procrastination and disorganisation but can't afford more sessions at moment. Is there anything anyone could recommend to help me get my arse into gear? It would be really useful to hear of any books, podcasts etc. Thank you so much for reading

Mindfulness: finding peace in a frantic world. A green book, around £8 on Amazon I think. Buy it.

Thank you Anon I will have a look for that. I am going on holiday soon and want to take some inspirational reading to transform life on return

I heard this thing on a podcast the other day, I think it could have been on the Motivate Yourself podcast, called the 3 minute rule. Basically, anything that takes 3 minutes or less: just do it now. V simple, and obvious, but makes a massive difference.

I've been doing it a couple of weeks & my house is actually tidy & clean for a change. And my meter readings are up to date and all the paperwork is filed away, etc. It's all the stuff that you'd normally think "I should really do that..." and then you get distracted & do something else, and it all builds up, you know? Just do it.

At least you are trying. What about something counter intuitive if money is a big issue - no holiday or you say lucky to work term time onl. As you don't spend the holidays tidying the house you might as well work in school holidays too surely - try school holiday jobs full time.

I Have a younger DC with ASD and need to be with her in the school holidays but that's a whole other thread. Thanks for the replies. The money stuff is a mess but not because we don't have enough. It's due to bad planning of things like meals and shopping and then indulging in frequent bouts of retail therapy

Is there any such thing as a fairy godmother that could come and sort everything out?

hi, I don't know if this will help practically but here are some things that I do:

1. Write 4 to-do lists:

Important Urgent
Non-important Urgent
Important Non-Urgent
Non-important Non-Urgent

I get the lists done in that order

1. Meal prep/planning can be done by simply writing out two weeks of main meals that you find simple to prepare. I always try to make at least half of these in double quantities so there's also meals in the freezer to free up time.

1. I keep a 'need' list and a 'want' list to spread out spending splurges.

Also, do you know how you work better? I work better doing one task at a time, e.g. All the laundry / vacuum the whole house while my mum works faster doing one room at a time. We can both sort our houses out in a day but we just do it in a different way. If you get panicked by the whole (which I do) I find tackling one task at a time much more productive as it feels much more manageable.

I really feel for you - I'm living in ongoing building related chaos and I often feel like I'm just bobbing along with everything in opposition to my actual goals.

Start by booking some time off work and buying some incense and The Grateful Dead CDs.

Then order the book mentioned above.

I'm also trying to be more chilled but there's always something to do/worry about.

I've just started working through a book called "Upgrade Your Life" by Pat Divilly. It's only been a week and I haven't finished it yet, so I can't advise on its long term affects, but even so it has really motivated me, focussed me on what I want to work towards and over the weekend I got lots of those niggly jobs - the type that don't take long but I never quite got round to even though they annoyed me - actually done! So might be worth having a look at the preview on Amazon. Good Luck!

I am a master procrastinator. It has it's benefits in that this morning I cleaned our oven because I don't want to do a very adulty task later. The three minute rule sounds fab...like walking past a stain on a wall and thinking "must remember to clean that"....just do it and forget about it. I too have a term time responsible job, and it feels like I am running on empty from one holiday to the next and then leaving massive piles of stuff to do instead of...well...having a holiday! Good advice upthread, meal planning has really helped us. I do the double cooking thing, asked family to name our go to meals and made a list to help with planning. Remember to add in "easy dinners" for those nights when you have to do endless dropping off or picking up or work late. Looking forward to reading more tips!

Master Procrastinator is an excellent superhero name.

Same here, sunnyside & the stain on wall thing is exactly the sort of thing I mean (although with me it's cobwebs )

After hearing that tip I hung a picture that I'd been meaning to hang for almost a year. Ridiculous.

Another tip (learnt from here, I think) is "don't put it down, put it away". Stops crap piling up on tables... or fruit bowls if you're my DH

I've found a bullet journal helps, so you can have master lists, and then schedule in tasks from there. So August might include "repaint hall" which then gets broken down to Monday - buy paint and materials; Tuesday - sanding etc. Breaking big tasks down into tiny steps really works for me.

Carrying everything in my head just stresses me out, having mini- steps means you can satisfyingly cross them off the list, and get a sense of achievement.
Realistically, both parents working full time is always going to be pressured. I try to spend at least part of every holiday setting up new systems, and thinking about how to improve existing ones. But even so, it is hard to get on top of things permanently- I often feel it doesn't take much for it all to fall apart, like someone being Ill, or car breaking down. For that reason, contingency plans and built- in spare time are good. For example, I've got a charger in the car for those occasions when it won't start because I've left the lights on; a topped up travel card in my purse even though I don't normally take public transport, an extra oyster card as DS3 is always losing his.
Take on board the suggestions that people are making, but don't be too hard on yourself - I suspect most working families struggle to do everything.

Some prectical tips from me are:

Only touch something once. Ie if bill come in deal with now. Then shred. If you are folding washing put it away. Don't put things aside for later.

When tackling a house in a bit of a mess think area rather than room or house that can be overwhelming. Ie. Decide to clear or tidy one cupboard or one shelf rather than an entire bedroom. Gradually it will improve.

Get up earlier than children and spend half an hour or more clearing your mind and deciding what you want to achieve that day . Could be all practical stuff like clean the car anf walk dog to more challenging thing like apply for new job or whatever.

Ask your children and dh yo help with chores to keep house in order.

Set aside time slots each day in the holidays for stuff like you will clean but only between 4pm and 5pm. Washing to be done between 8am and 8.30. Exercise between 7pm and 8pm. Some structure to your day may help feel more on top of things.

Just leave earlier if you are getting places close to the mark... what making you rush? Ie my kids take ages getting shoes on. I accept now it takes 15 mins to get this done so adjust time as so.

Hi OP I'm in a similar position, I can get a PhD in procrastination so I've had to train myself to take advantage of the moment iyswim. If I see a deal/bargain/tickets
/enquiries etc I'll do it there & then otherwise the moment will pass. Here's what I've done over the years to help me get off my arse!

Savings - £100 transferred monthly on pay day to a fixed term deposit account or national savings bonds.

Mortgage - I've switched to a new deal and saved £150 which I've transferred to a separate account. I'll then use that saving to overpay the mortgage at the end of the year.

Utilites/deals - I've switched to cheaper deals and banked the savings in a separate accc like with the mortgage.

Shopping - I've got a fixed day delivery savings plan with Tesco for £4 monthly. I online shop where possible as that saves me money on impulse buys.

Appointments - I rebook the next dr, dental, hair apt at the end of the last apt. So I don't need to remember to phone up & book

MSE/HotUKDeals websites - are good for finding the best deals for home and shopping

Rotas for housework/cooking - schedules to be printed off & stuck on the wall / fridge

OP I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but this whole thread is just more procrastination! No book or podcast, or helpful tips from mners is going to get things done in your house.

You have to just fucking do it. JFDI. One thing at a time. That's my only helpful tip for you. Get of the sodding Internet and JFDI!

I find what works best for me is to work on a 45 minute schedule. I tell myself to do a job (usually one I have been putting off) for 45 minutes then take 15 minutes for a cuppa or to do something else. 9 times out of 10 I don't want to stop at 45 minutes as I have gotten into a momentum of the job and want to keep going either to finish it or at least complete the part i am working on. It makes task seem so much less overwhelming whereas if I said "today I am going to do all the paperwork" it would seem an huge job and I just wouldn't start. But 45 minutes I can do knowing that I can stop at 45 whether it is done or not.

Who's indulging in the retail therapy?

Are you buying stuff for the house or family? Or yourself?

Is he indulging in expensive hobbies?

Is the money being spent of stuff you hadn't planned for but needed?

A long sit down and complete honesty are required to get to the bottom of the save and splurge cycle.