To be embaŕassed I can't control my 3 yo?

[blackberrypickinginaugust]

Her tantrums are beyond anything I have ever known and so much anger seems to come out.

I know children have their moments and DS had his but they were moments. This seems to be 'her'! She erupts over clothes, food, hair, toys, games.

She does attend nursery and is fine there!

I find my 3 yr old DD is far more challenging than my DS was at any age. She is far more opinionated and volatile than he ever was. He is generally so laid back, he's horizontal. She wants everything now, and her way and her mood changes in a heartbeat.

Both my children (4.5 years apart) were absolute hell at 3.

I absolutely despised that stage. I had absolutely no control over them and the tantrums and anger were torturous.

They were mildly better at 4, easier at 5 and more so at 6.
My 6 year old has his moments but they are few and in between.

DD ( 3 ) has her moments too. But nothing in comparison to my older son ( but he was diagnosed asd at 12 ). My middle ds was a dream in comparison. .........

My DS (3 in November) is exactly the same. Good as gold at nursery but a raging, bossy, stroppy dictator at home. It can be anything that sets him off. The other day we were out having a walk and I pointed out a seagull and said "Look at that big bird DS"... Ds was most affronted and immediately started screaming that it wasn't a big bird, it was small. No amount of me agreeing with him calmed him down and it resulted in a screaming, kicking tantrum that lasted half an hour! I feel like I'm walking on eggshells desperately trying not to enrage him.

Honestly, I have no advice. Ignoring makes him worse, gentle taking makes him worse, telling him off and giving sanctions makes it worse... I'm just trying to ride it out and hope it wears off soon

when she has calmed can she verbalise what the problem was?

Can you predict things and try to defuse some situations before they get to eruption stage?

Often trying to stop the tantrum can be counterproductive. I find with ds that sometimes a "bearhug" can help bring him down. Other times it just needs to run its course. Ds is autistic so we have a sensory area in his room which we can use to help defuse situations too.

You have my sympathy.

Mine isn't angry as such- just plain, bloody miserable. Clingy and whinge. Trips out to the beach or the park are an endurance challenge for both of us.

We stay at home more often than we should because she hates anything and everything that doesn't involve watching sodding Netflix.

Sigh.

Oh God this makes me feel better. Have just dragged mine to the library and back and frankly fed up with the moaning.

DaisysStew Ha ha! That sounds so much like my son! He can become enraged at the most ridiculous things. It's pretty hard not to laugh sometimes, which, strangely enough, never seems to help the situation...

Oops - focused on the bird example, rather than the tone of your post. Hope that didn't sound overly insensitive - completely understand how tough this age can be!

How do you manage her tantrumns? Does she get 'rewarded' for them? Ie if she doesn't want to go somewhere and throws a tantrumn do you not go? Do you embrace her when she tantrumns?

I think the first thing to do is stop being embarrassed by them. The second thing is not to change your schedule because she throws a tantrumn. If she doesn't want to go somewhere, or wants her brother's toy, let her throw a tantrumn and wait it out. You can embrace her if you want as that might help comfort her. Then do what you intended to do/let your son play with his toy.

If you do this a few times, remove any incentives from tantrumning, then a simple case of bad behaviour would eventually go. If she still tantrumns after a month when you are doing all this then it might be a good idea to seek medical advice.

Don't worry, I laugh at it myself - I have to or I'd go mad 😭😁

Oh god I had one of these she's 8 now and bloody lovely to be fair! She has her moments, but on the whole she is such a lovely, well behaved girl. At 3 however - oh my! I'd read parenting strategies and no way in hell any of them would work with her. A brief spell of trying to implement time out would flip a big tantrum into a 2 hour long what can only be described as a shit-fit. The only thing that really worked for me to be honest was a more positive parenting approach, and basically walking on eggshells. She did grow out of it though - starting half days at nursery at 3.5 was the beginning of things getting better and as the years have progressed she's chilled out A LOT. Sympathies!