Apologies for the length! Timeline is 9-10 months, and I have tried to condense the story as much as possible. Ask if you need more details on any point to answer! :)
So, a few months ago (well, almost a year), I began socialising with a new group of people. Mostly I got on with everybody well, and it was an open and friendly group. However, for a short time, I really clicked with one particular person. Me and her would meet up for climbing, drinks and other things separately.
I occasionally noticed traits that gave me pause about her though. She seemed uncomfortable if I was talking to too many other group members at once. On one occasion, I was telling a sub group of about 5 or 6 people a funny 'weird stuff that has happened today' story, and she came in like 'Oooh, I wanna show you something', led me off to where her phone was on charge, then someone called her and she bounced off, leaving me alone like 'Wait, what?'
I started to feel like, even though we clicked well, it was worth clicking with others too. I didn't want to limit the opportunity for friendships. But we still texted regularly.
In April, about twenty from the group went to Spain together for a sort of Aerial Yoga/Yoga/Beach/Relax holiday. She seemed very standoffish, and I was a bit confused, but my new partner was there and several other people I chatted well with so I sort of let it slide by. I thought, she will let me know if there are any problems. She ignored me saying hello when I was stretching, and I couldn't tell if she hadn't noticed me or what. But then, one time she came back along and asked me to spot her practice for safety as nobody else was practising at that moment. So she had noticed me, and I felt she only came back to acknowledge me when she needed a safety spot. :(
When back, I continued to text but noticed that I was getting one or two word answers. So I directly asked her to tell me what was wrong. She replied that I had been standoffish during the holiday and she just didn't feel enthusiastic to be friends. I asked her could we meet and sort out this misunderstanding? As we began very strongly and I still liked her and wanted to be good friends. She said 'No, I don't know why you're upset - it's no big deal'.
Finding this pretty hurtful, I backed off. She didn't want to be friendly with me anymore and didn't seem bothered so I began to avoid her to minimise awkwardness. We attend the same events up to 4 times a week, so it is not easy but I manage it! I don't want a face to face argument and drama. It will be uncomfortable for others!
Unfortunately, now, I heard her mention to my partner that i'm being 'mean' towards her! :( My partner looked uncomfortable put on the spot and just kind of mm-hmmed. My intention wasn't to be mean, but to minimise bringing a bad atmosphere to the group.
I honestly don't know if IABU. I wonder if there was another turning point in my way of handling things that I missed!