Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Not to tell DS about the babysitter?

25 replies

Bubbinsmakesthree · 07/08/2017 06:47

DH and I are hoping to go out for the evening in a couple of weeks and would need to use an agency babysitter for a few hours after 3yo DS's bedtime.

DS is a good sleeper, and it is very rare he wakes after lights out unless he's poorly.

We only need the babysitter from about 9pm, well after DS should be asleep.

WWBU to go out without telling DS about the babysitter? He'll probably be none the wiser, but if he does wake and we're not there...?

What do you do when using agency babysitters who your children aren't familiar with?

OP posts:

AngeloftheSouth84 · 07/08/2017 06:49

It will completely destroy his trust in you. Don't do it.

Gizlotsmum · 07/08/2017 06:50

Tell him

Mothervulva · 07/08/2017 06:50

Tricky, I use agency babysitters regularly for my 2 and 3 year old and have always had them meet the babysitter before hand if it's a new person. How is your son generally if you go out of an evening?

bigchris · 07/08/2017 06:51

It's a ridiculous idea sorry

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 07/08/2017 06:51

I babysit and always prefer it when the parents have told the kids I'll be there. Makes it less scary in the night if they call out and some random appears! I would tell him but stress that you'll be putting him to bed and there in the morning too

SpartacusSaiman · 07/08/2017 06:53

No. If he wakes up he will be terrified.

I would have them round for a coffee before hand and let them meet and try and explain it to him in terms a 3 year old can understand.

We were lucky. Our nursery staff did baby sitting on weekends. So the kids knew them.

YesILikeItToo · 07/08/2017 06:54

I would tell dd. I've never had this suituation, I've always made an introduction. I imagine there are children you could just tell, and there are children who wouldn't be at all up for that and who would be better served by paying for an extra two hours. Depends how happy they are with the whole babysitting thing?

Neutrogena · 07/08/2017 06:56

Please tell DS beforehand (days beforehand, not hours)

hotcrossbun83 · 07/08/2017 07:00

Terrified is an exaggeration, it totally depends on the child. Ds has always been incredibly relaxed about who looks after him, settled into crèche and nursery without looking back, doesn't bat an eye at sitters etc. At 3 they understand so I would tell him but unless he struggles with outside care I wouldn't stress much. Although if it was me I'd get the sitter at 7 and go out for some drinks first.

Cailleach666 · 07/08/2017 07:03

If your child id used to being looked after by streams of random people then he will be fine.

My kids would have freaked out if they came down to a stranger and no parents.
I have never used a babysitter.

kateandme · 07/08/2017 07:11

no no no whaf this is time hwakeup from nightmare or nsniffle.it will petrify him.for life.

sproutish · 07/08/2017 07:12

I regularly babysat in my late teens and early twenties, for 4/5 difference families. For all of them, if I didn't already know the kids, I went round a week or so beforehand to meet them with their parents around and play with them to see how we got along (was not paid for this hour). Is this possible for you?

Notreallyarsed · 07/08/2017 07:13

I think you have to tell him, a few days in advance to get him used to the idea. As tempting as it may be (and I can see why it is), if he wakes up to a stranger he's going to be really distressed and frightened.

londonrach · 07/08/2017 07:13

Tell him. He wakes, stranger in house. He be vvv frightened. Poor boy. Its cruel not to tell him.

GinIsIn · 07/08/2017 07:14

That's a TERRIBLE idea. Furthermore a responsible babysitter wouldn't agree to it. I babysat extensively in my teens and always went round a few days before for a settling in session if the child was under 5.

supersop60 · 07/08/2017 07:15

Tell him, and not just before you go out, or you'll have a clingy child begging you not to go.
As pp have said - any chance of meeting the babysitter beforehand?

Flowersinyourhair · 07/08/2017 07:39

This post sums up why I don't use babysitters. I can't imagine leaving my small child with someone neither I nor them know.

Justdontknow4321 · 07/08/2017 07:54

I would tell personally...
only because if it was my daughter waking up to a stranger in the house she would be petrified.

If it was my son he wouldn't care

But I can literally imagine the fear coming from my daughter and wouldn't want her to feel like that

newmum28 · 07/08/2017 07:56

Tell him. But it's seriously fine to go out,he won't be scarred for life. There are really people who wouldn't go out for 3 years?!!

MsPassepartout · 07/08/2017 08:01

I'd tell him.
It could be very frightening for him if he did wake and there was a stranger he knew nothing about in the house.

PencilPen · 07/08/2017 08:01

I use agency sitters a lot and since my DD was 15m old. I tend to ask them to arrive at least 45 mins earlier when we are still at home. Make sure DD has time to accept the fact that we are going out and that she has to be with the babysitter alone. Most of the time it went okay. There was only one which DD really does not like for her own reason and kept crying until she was too tired and slept. We left her crying as we needed to be out and she was just crying as a protest (we knew her well). We didn't ask that babysitter to come again though.

CoolCarrie · 07/08/2017 08:09

You really need to tell him. If he does get up he will be disoriented and frightened if you don't.

This reminds me of when

I once baby sat for friends of friends one night, they had 2 boys, or so I thought, until the oldest boy said, " come and see our baby brother " and sure enough there was another child, in his cot sleeping, and neither of the parents had told me. If there had been a fire or something I wouldn't have had a clue.

user1471451355 · 07/08/2017 08:11

I guess it depends on your child, and only you know that! As long as there's a warm body present to attend to whatever she needs my DD doesn't care one bit who it is or if it's the person she was expecting. During my home birth she woke and easily settled for a midwife she'd never met. She's an independent specimen, though.

Original poster

Bubbinsmakesthree · 07/08/2017 08:23

I can count on one hand the number of times DH and i have been out together since DS was born and we haven't used an agency sitter since DS was old enough to notice.

I wasn't sure whether it was worth confusing/upsetting him by introducing the idea of the babysitter when he is so unlikely to wake. We can't go out any earlier than 9pm as we have an EBF baby too and I need to squeeze a feed in before we go out so he'll be OK for a few hours. So if DS were to meet the babysitter we'd be paying them for 2 hours to sit around until we go out.

PP who mentioned nursery staff - good idea! DS adores the staff at his nursery, I will ask if any of them babysit.

OP posts:

Brittbugs80 · 07/08/2017 09:07

I'm a babysitter, it's an additional income for me (don't worry, I declare and pay tax as a second job due to the amount I earn) and would never babysit a child I'd not met prior to sitting.

I started through Nursery and built up from there. Though be aware some nurseries say no as it is a massive safeguarding issue. Ofsted are against it. It can be seen as a route to grooming the adults around an abused child. After all, no family abusing their child would invite someone into their home.

Ask which ever member of staff he is most comfortable. If the nursery allow it, then they will make it clear that if anything goes wrong, the nursery are not responsible for that member of staff as it's out of work hours.

Flip