To ask how to meet women?

[JennyLane]

My lovely lovely brother is newly single after the breakdown of his marriage. He's somewhat shy but a wonderful human being! He works hard in a career that isn't well paid but is commendable.
He's 33. He is ready to move on. But he's been burnt and is understandably worried about being hurt again. He is one of the genuine nice guys. He just wants to find the one and build a life together. I'm trying to support him but I've been out of dating for ten years and never dated in my thirties... what's the score? He's on POF and Tinder but admitted he hasn't messaged anyone.

Ps daily mail wankers

"He's on POF and Tinder but admitted he hasn't messaged anyone"

Not that way.

Does he have hobbies? Interests? Want to take a class or course or build a new interest? That's the better way I think.

Ohhh we could set up a date on mumsnet!

Or he could go to a bar

My DH and I used to do ballroom and Latin dancing badly - at our first lesson we remarked a single bloke could have his pick of ladies. The ratio was easily 1:7 men to women. The women started dropping out after a few weeks so he'd get in early and nab a partner for the best success.

@RiverRunsRogue yes yes I know! He's such a wonderful guy but rather shy.

Several of my friends have married guys they met on PoF.

Bumble! And specify on his profile that he's only looking for pretty serious relationship or whatever

Plus will be good for his morale as think he can pay a little a month to see the girls who've already ok-ed him!

I use Tinder but I'd never message a guy first, so that may be part of his problem?

Is he sporty? There are a few sports which tend to be genuinely mixed sex - korfball, ultimate frisbee, dragon boating - which would be a good way to meet women in a relaxed social setting. Or outdoorsy type clubs like climbing clubs (not so many women in my experience) or canoeing.

Or music? Choir (might have too old a demographic) or orchestra or band, or open mic sessions if he plays guitar.

@PricklyBall he used to be into a sport but it got pushed aside with career and his ex wife etc. I'm trying to encourage him to go back.
He's keen to go back but when he's more fit. He doesn't want the younger ones to take him out.
I've suggested he'll get fit by going back, but he's made progress and is moving in leaps and bounds. I've got my brother back ❤️

@Notmyrealname85 I don't know how bumbel works? Not heard of that one x

@indigox I know! I totally get that. I'm shy too so I get why it's hard for him to put himself out there

Interest groups. AmDram, walking groups, sports clubs, book groups. Tinder and POF are for people after casual sex. Dating services you pay for are better if you're serious because they attract people who are serious rather than just chancing their arm on the off chance of a quick fumble because it's free. Dating/singles events also good for that reason.

Singles groups on the Meetup app. There are loads of different groups on there. I haven't meet anyone special but have met new people and had some great nights out.

@Whisky2014 he lives somewhat rurally for work. Would it be totally inappropriate if me or my DH went with him to like a quiz night or something to help him feel integrated? I know it's not easy to walk into a bar alone.
Well it isn't for me anyway

Where is he based? I'm single and I'm absolutely amazing!

That said, he needs to be a lot more proactive about messaging women and just throwing himself out there. I know it's easier said than done but he needs to overcome the shyness, accept that there will be knock backs but just go for it regardless.

If he's not based near Vlad, give him my number!
not entirely joking either, I seem to only know dickheads

I met my DP through Match in my 30s post divorce, it's not too bad if you just have a go.

Are there any social groups on Facebook? There are loads designed for people who work from home/new to the area and need to meet people and make friends. My dsis joined one when she moved to her town.
They were pub quiz, film night, theatre outings, book discussion things. Basically just a chance for people to do things they liked with other people. Someone would say on the group 'this looks fun. Who else is in I shall be here at Xpm'. Other people would say 'I'll be there, I'm X' etc etc.
Dsis made a load of friends and also happened to meet her now DP. It wasn't a dating organisation so I think that sort of thing would take the pressure off. And he would meet nice friendly people and new friends at the least.

The three of you should go out and you and your husband are his wingmen :)

I met my now gf through POF; he just has to go for it. Although there's plenty of weirdos of both sexes, there's plenty of decent people too.
For some reason, some women refuse to message first when online dating. If he isn't messaging first either, he's wasting his time on there.
'Faint Heart' and all that...