To think my friend is wrong to do this?

[demirose87]

I'm wondering what to advise my friend because I'm not sure she's right on this one..she was in a relationship with a woman for 7 years and they split up around 18 months ago. My friend helped raise her partner's son from the age of 6 months to age 8 and became like a second mum to him. After they split up my friend continued to have the little boy about 3 or four nights a week, referring to him as her son, even though her ex and herself didn't have much communication. My friend's ex got a new partner and starting posting over Facebook and Instagram things like " love my little family". Every time my friend had the little boy she would ask questions about his mum's boyfriend and then start an argument over it with her ex. Friend has told me lots of times of ways that she wants to get social services involved in the hope that she will get the child back in her life which I don't know is true or not as I've never met her. In the end her ex told her she wanted to cut contact between them and not to see the child anymore as she wanted to move on with her life and settle down with her partner. My friend continues to post pics all over Facebook of the little boy even though his mum has repeatedly asked her not to. She is considering getting in touch with the little boy's biological father ( who walked out on them at birth) and asking him to fight for custody so she herself can have contact. I think this is a terrible idea as the father is now a stranger to the boy. Her ex partner has repeatedly told her to leave them alone and saying it's bordering on harrassment. I don't know what to say to my friend as I think she is wrong on this one, as its not her child, and her mum should call all the shots, although I can see why she is heartbroken after raising a child and then not seeing him anymore. Is friend being unreasonable?

I can understand your friend being upset but she's going the wrong way about things. If she wants to guarantee that she will never see him again she's going the right way about it.

Is there any chance she can talk to the ex and a range to see the big every so often. Even if it's just once a fortnight or once a month it will be better for the boy than a complete split. But your friend really does need to rein things in and do what is best for the child, not herself.

Sorry for all the typos - hope it masked sense.

They've had a complete breakdown in their relationship. Her ex has told her to never come near them again or she'll get a restraining order. She hasn't seen the kid for over a year now.

That ius very sad. From what you've said I can't blame her though.

I think for now all she can do is send birthday and Christmas cards, perhaps with a cover letter to the mum to say that she just wants the boy to know she hasn't forgotten him. But that she's not expecting anything.

Otherwise she needs to back off. Causing unjustified trouble for his mum is never going to endear her to him. Particularly as he gets older and can see the unhappiness it causes.

I hope it works out but if she continues in these actions it will not. As to whether you should tell her, I'm afraid only you can guess if your relationship will survive it.

I think her problem is that she can be quite forceful, and has tried to push out the child's biological family, she has pushed her ex away to the point she's had enough. And I think the things she's planning on involving social services over may be made up or exaggerated to prove the mum as a bad parent. I know that's awful to say but she has been caught out lying about a lot of things.

I'm afraid I don't know what to suggest. What she is doing will NEVER have a good outcome. But would being told that stop her? It doesn't sound like it.

There is a part of me that feels you should contact SS and tell them she is considering doing malicious reports. It might make things easier for the ex and son but you would be saying goodbye to your friendship.

She's not acting in the best interest of the child, therefore she's wrong. It's pretty much as simple as that.

Your friend sounds very spiteful to me. She was questioning the lad about her ex's new partner then using that info to start rows - that is really disgusting behaviour, no wonder her ex cut her out.

And now she wants to upend this boy's whole life by calling SS and/or his deadbeat dad? How selfish and cruel. She's not seen him in a year, she needs to move on and let him continued to do the same.

I've told her it's hard but she needs to try and move on as it's unlikely she will see the child again. All her family are ganging up on the mum too telling her to let him see his family. They all went out for a meal on the boy's birthday and sang happy birthday to the boy with the cake and everything ( he wasn't there) and put it on facebook for the mum to see. I can see why the mum is annoyed about this.

It's hard when you form a strong attachment to a child, I had 2 dsds who I adored, after I broke up with their dad I knew I'd never see them again and that was a relationship that lasted under 2 years. Luckily tho I got on very well with their mum so we still message and I still get to watch them grow up albeit via social media and the odd meet up with both our kids.
Your friend is really not going about it the right way, threatening to call ss is callous and shows she's thinking of herself not the child. If the mum has done nothing to harm her child other then fall out of love with your friend then she needs to step back and leave them alone. They are a family unit now whether your friend likes that or not and why should she let her child go to someone who is going to ask inappropriate questions to a child and stir trouble?