i dont know where to post this.....**trigger warning-sexual assault**

[coffeecupcakesandkids]

trigger warning

(name change to not out myself)
me and ex-dp, 3 dc between us, have been up and down recently and decided to split. hes been staying here for the best part of 3 months while hes looking for a new home, it was amicable until last night, when i woke up to him having sex with me.

my depression has been affecting my sleep massively so once im asleep im difficult to wake atm.
i didnt speak at all once i woke up, think i was mostly in shock tbh, and then once he was finished he climbed off and said "i suppose you want me back downstairs" i nodded. i showered once he was downstairs and then stripped my bed, sat up the rest of the night til my dc woke up this morning. then showered again.
i know this is rape. i just dont know what to do about it. hes the father of my dc, i dont want to get him arrested.
this morning once the dc were up, fed and ready i took them to a relative and tried to speak to ex-dp but he claimed he was asleep when it happened therfore its not rape. i told him the police would agree with me that it was rape/sexual assault and he should leave, he then decided that i should go to the police and tell them what happened. we drove seperatly to the police station, all the while he showed no remorse kept saying it wasnt what i said it was, but once we were inside i felt faint and left without making a statement or speaking to anyone. as we walked out i told him he had 1 hour to collect some things from mine and then i wanted him out of my house. he obliged and hasnt been in touch since, which im glad of.

i dont really know what to do now? i could use some guidance? please. ☹

thank you

AH that's shit it was rape but the police and CPS have to have evidence it's good he's out of your house I,m sorry your going through this

Coffee, so sorry that this has happened to you.

Are you and the children safe?

Think about whether you want to make a report, can you confide in a real life friend?

Higs xxx

Are you safe now op as I think that's your priority ?

I'm so sorry

Contact rape crisis. Even if you don't wish to persue this with the police you will need counselling.

Keep any texts or evidence just now as you may change your mind about criminal charges when the shock wears off.

Ok, you can try to find details for your nearest Sexual assault Referral centre, they can do an exam and collect forensic evidence (there may still be some despite the showers). Do you still have the bed sheets or the clothing you put on afterwards,'? They can take all that and preserve it, in case you decide to go to the police later. It will give you time to think. They can also provide support, advice etc. They will not make you go to the police, but will support you if you want to.

If you want to PM me where you are I can get you details for the SARC. Am a rape detective, so ask any questions you want as well.

First of all, I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I think it might be an idea for you to call Rape Crisis or Women's Aid and see what support they can offer you. I understand why you don't want to call the police, but if you and your ex get to a point where you are making access/custody arrangements for your children, what has happened is surely going to have an effect on that. Your position will be stronger if you make the complaint, I think.

I also think that you need to tell the police that he came with you to the police station - that was incredibly manipulative and threatening of him, and I think it's pretty obvious that he did that to intimidate you. At the very least you need to be assured that you can be kept safe from him if necessary. I would be seeking a restraining order I think.

Please speak to Rape Crisis or a similar charity. They will be able to offer you advice. In the meantime, don't have any more conversations with your ex: his manipulation and gaslighting is making this a lot harder for you.

Once again, I'm so sorry you've had to experience this.

thank you all so much. im so confused and broken. yes we are safe, thank you all.

i think i will ring SARC tomorrow morning while my family have my children. i dont even know what to think about it all.

i have family a couple of doors away so our safety is not an issue.

thanks for the hugs. xx

Best of luck, I hope you get some clarity.