To think inviting people over for dinner and then smoking at the table is rude?

[user1498921160]

A woman I know invited a few of us over for dinner last night. Lovely house, lovely food, lovely company. However, our hostess smoked at the table between courses and also had several cigarettes at the end of the meal.

No one else at the table was a smoker and I could see people surreptitiously trying to wave smoke away from their eyes, and feel my throat getting dry and scratchy. I also had to fling everything in the wash when I got home, hang my jacket out in the garden, and wash my hair as soon as I got up. I really stank of stale smoke.

AIBU to think this just isn't on anymore? I know it was her own home, but she had invited us there as guests and then smoked all over us at the table.

She might have known she smoked, but I'm sure if she knew the woman was going to smoke throughout the meal she would have made an excuse and not gone.

It's such an antisocial habit; I don't know anyone who'd do this nowadays.

I agree with the majority but it is funny how quickly attitudes have changed. It's only ten years ago that we would have all unthinkingly gone to all sorts of public places where indoor smoking was the norm. Now somebody smoking in their own home is bringing out some pretty strong reactions.

'her house her rules' is such a rude attitude

Agree... If she pissed in a pot, ate her snot and shaved her armpits at the dinner table be ok just because is her house. In fact, I'd probably prefer these to her smoking at the table! Forcing your guests to inhale noxious cigarette fumes is beyond rude.

Very rude. Due to health problems, if someone did that to me, I'd have to leave immediately, or I'd not be fit to work the next day.

Eurgh....I have the odd fag now and again (always outside) and I think that is quite inconsiderate. Probably wouldn't stop me going round but I would have a moan about it later and think it was a bit cheeky to smoke around people so closely!

It's her house. She can smoke in it whenever and wherever she wants. I'm a non-smoker and have asthma and I still think she's entitled to do as she pleases. Just as I am free to decline any future invitations. And to politely explain why if she asks.

I'm a smoker but would never dream of smoking in my home nevertheless in front of non smokers.

I smoke and often have people round for meals. I go out into the garden for a cigarette. The only time I would ever smoke at the table is if everyone else there smoked as well.

It was U of her to impose her fag on you. I'd have gone into the garden had it been me, no way would I smoke in front of non smokers. So rude. Don't care whose house it was, she shouldn't be smoking where you can't escape.

I fart in my own home, but not when I have guests, and certainly not at the dinner table.

If invited again explain the situation and if she wants to keep smoking, don't go. Or perhaps invite her to yours but send her to the garden to smoke, she might get the hint.

The thing is, she's really nice in every other way but she just seemed oblivious to the fact that her smoking was annoying other people. One guest even asked if it would be alright to open the window for a minute as she was 'having a hot flush' and our hostess just said 'yeah sure' and still didn't seem to cop on that the smoky atmosphere was uncomfortable for the rest of us.

Her house her rules is all very well. But when I invite people over I don't just do what I like regardless of how uncomfortable it makes them. I mean, would you think it okay for the host and hostess to have a flaming row at the dinner table or to sit snogging on the sofa and ignoring everyone because it's 'their house, their rules'?

People still smoke inside? Her house must stink.

Aw. I've come over all nostalgic at this thread.

RIP smoking indoors.

Why didn't anyone have the balls to leave or ask her if she could open the door or windows because of the fag smoke rather than ignore or fake a hot flush.

Between courses or not there is no way I could've sat there and would've left saying I couldn't stay as I hadn't realised when invited that anyone would be smoking so thanks but I will leave you to it.

It's very unusual....I'm not sure I even know of any smokers nowadays but I'm old enough to remember going out to pubs and bars before the smoking ban...your clothes and hair did used to reek. It's amazing what a fuss there was when that ban came in but I wonder how many people would want to go back to how it was before.

Did her house smell of smoke when you went in.I think it's very rude to smoke when other people are eating.Ugh what a filthy Han.Hoped she washed her hands in between courses.

YANBU. How rude and she was oblivious too. I thought all smokers felt a super self conscious shame even heading for the garden, especially in the company of non smokers.

20 years ago this would have been very normal, and nobody would have expected a smoker to refrain from smoking in their own house.

Is she a time-traveller, perhaps?

I do wonder how we (non-smokers) coped - are we more sensitive to smoke now because we're not around it so much?

I must have smelled of smoke every single day growing up - like an ebay item that was definitely not "from a smoke-free home".

Presumably you knew where the door was if you hated it that much?

I would have told her smoking makes me feel very nauseous/dizzy/shaky and if she still did it excused myself and used that door.

You sound unbelievably mature so I'm sure you will get through this. Remarkable coincidence about the letter too.

Shit, wrong thread.