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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DPs dad really grates my cheese sometimes

56 replies

RubaDubMum89 · 06/08/2017 14:38

Ugh, this is kind of a rant so apologies in advance.

DP's dad is generally a nice man and we do get on well for the most part. However, some things he does really piss me off (maybe irrationally?).

  • He ALWAYS opens our fridge and makes comments on what's in there. For example, "Oh, you two don't know how to buy in ones or twos do you?" or "Gosh, theres more in here than DP's mum and I ever had in, we used to go to the shop everyday!". For some reason this really gets on my nerves, just get out of my fridge! Yes, we bulk buy and save money and yes, I do a weekly shop! DP's dad is the kind that will have £1,000 in the bank, but go and put a £5 on the electric to just cover the emergency credit renewal.

-Similarly, he walks around the downstairs looking in our cupboards / draws etc. He doesn't make comments about these, he just looks, but I find it really fucking rude! Why are you doing that?

-He jabbers really loudly at my daughter all the time, shouting non-sensical words at her, literally, for 10-15 mins at a time. He doesn't mean any harm by it obviously, but when I try tell him to use words to her or sounds as shes starting to pick these things up now and it helps her learn, he just jabbers louder. All the time. ALL the time. Like, when im trying to feed her and he's distracting her or I'm trying to shush her to sleep and he's doing it.

AIBU? Or am I just in the throws of PMS/teething baby sleeplessness and loosing my rag?

OP posts:
Seeingadistance · 06/08/2017 16:54

Maybe he's looking for the grater and the cheese ...

AcrossthePond55 · 06/08/2017 16:56

Put googly eyes on everything. That way when he looks in, your stuff will be looking back!

Seeingadistance · 06/08/2017 17:04

Put googly eyes on everything. That way when he looks in, your stuff will be looking back! Grin

I'm sure it would be possible to rig up some kind of small sound system as well that would make a screaming noise every time he opened the fridge or cupboard doors.

Ha!

CoughLaughFart · 06/08/2017 17:17

Next time you're at his house make a massive deal of sticking your head in the fridge and loudly saying 'Where's all your food?! I always think it's better to buy in bulk; that way you're not forever running to the shops! Why don't you do that?!'

Original poster
RubaDubMum89 · 06/08/2017 17:27

Lmao some of the replies here have really cheered me up and given me a good laugh!

I've tried making a joke of his noseying, but in a pointed way if that makes sense, like "DPs dad, what are you doing in there? Get out" and he just laughs and says he's having a nosey.

The jibberish is so infuriating, I know it's harmless, but, he really does just shout 'buddy duddy buddy duddy buddy' and make monkey noises and do some weird panting shit with his tongue hanging out. It's so strange, I hate it. He still does it to SILs daughter... She's nearly 4.

It drives DP crazy too, but it's kind of just accepted that this is the weird shit he does. Him and his dad used to clash, alot, so he doesn't say anything just to keep the peace.

It's by far not the worst grievance I've read on MN, but after a sleepless night, endless grumping and a long day, I sometimes do just feel like saying 'oh DPs dad, do fuck off please!'

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 06/08/2017 19:03

I'm sure it would be possible to rig up some kind of small sound system as well that would make a screaming noise every time he opened the fridge or cupboard doors.

You wouldn't have to get that fancy Seeing. Buy some of those cards that make noise or play a song when you open them and cut the 'mechanism' out and tape to the inside of the cupboard. Halloween ones would probably have some screams.

Screams and googly eyes!

Original poster
RubaDubMum89 · 06/08/2017 21:18

You have no idea how tempting this is.... I wonder if home bargains have noisy cards in.... Would probably get DP before it got his dad, but that'd be good for a laugh too Grin

OP posts:
Seeingadistance · 07/08/2017 00:38

Oh, good thinking, AcrossthePond! I was getting far too technical.

Yes, screams and googly eyes!!!

Shemozzle · 07/08/2017 00:47

Put massive packs of maxi pads in one drawer, jumbo box of condoms in another. Most older men would be embarrassed and might think twice about doing it again. Also the baby drawer and cupboard catches is a great idea. We have a catch on the fridge too.

DeadMorose · 07/08/2017 01:02

I'd just print loads of papers with "Fuck off!" and "Mind your own business!" on them and put one in every drawer and cupboard.
Maybe some dildos and porn DVDs in some. And I would move my underwear drawer to where he's usually looking.
And 10 different types of lube in the fridge. Buying bulk. Grin
The jibberish on the other hand I would tell him to stop and if he wouldn't, I'd be asking him to leave until he learns how to talk.

TheMaddHugger · 07/08/2017 02:15

Tell me he isn't the father of the Squatter boyfriend That makes fire engine noises constantly ?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2987219-To-think-that-7-nights-a-week-is-too-much?pg=1

Original poster
RubaDubMum89 · 07/08/2017 06:25

Themadhugger OMG.... Maybe he has a OW and he is?! Grin might jump on the thread and ask OP if squatter bf is really nosey....

OP posts:
MissBabbs · 07/08/2017 07:21

I've been reading self help books lately and really you have to say clearly to him to stop it because you don't like it.

Digs and jokes aren't working. But no point complaining about it until you have actually told him firmly to stop.

You can complain if he then keeps it up Grin

TheMaddHugger · 07/08/2017 08:04

RubaDubMum89

We need to know more

DPs dad really grates my cheese sometimes
DPs dad really grates my cheese sometimes
DPs dad really grates my cheese sometimes
TheMaddHugger · 07/08/2017 08:06

and what squatter BF looks like

Imagine if they look like each other

DPs dad really grates my cheese sometimes
5foot5 · 07/08/2017 08:18

Can one of your cupboards, preferably a wall mounted one, become "the cupboard things fall out of", even if its only temporary when he is expected to call. Fill it with small, light things in such a way that they will tumble out when he opens them. All over his head. And then of course he must put them away since he has tipped them all over the floor.

Or perhaps stick with telling him in a pointed way but ditch the holiness "Yes I know you are having a nosy and I am asking you not too. It is really very rude. Please stop it and don't do it again"

5foot5 · 07/08/2017 08:20

FFS what's wrong with this tablet? Ditch the jokiness not holiness

Euripidesralph · 07/08/2017 10:20

Op yadnbu that would drive me freaking crazy

I'm an incredibly private person and would find it massively intrusive for someone to look in my drawers etc

I would be inclined to tell him directly to stop doing it but I can be a bit harsh

Safe to say you have right to be bloody annoyed

Original poster
RubaDubMum89 · 07/08/2017 10:55

I'm a proper wimp, I just cant bring myself to look him in the eye and say 'listen stop looking through our cupboards etc. It's rude!'.

I don't know if it has something to do with it being his house (sorry if this now makes it drip feeding). FIL and MIL have been split for ages and live in separate houses with new partners. SIL used to rent this place from them, then bought a house with her DH so me and DP moved in (cheap rent). We are planning on buying it from his parents once I go back to work in a year or so, but, maybe that's why he feels he can nosey around? Having said that though, he does it everywhere he goes.... So I don't know. He's just a nosey sod.

OP posts:
Original poster
RubaDubMum89 · 07/08/2017 10:58

He really does do it alot though. He went into DDs room a few weeks ago to look at something I asked him to (the window catch is abit dodgy, was wondering if he could sort it).

When he came down he was saying he'd never known a baby with so many clothes! (We buy alot second hand and at car boots etc so she really does have loads, but that's not the point). He must have been looking through her draws and wardrobe to know!

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 07/08/2017 11:34

Can you get child locks for all your drawers, cupboard fridge etc.? - That might slow him down enough for you to throw something at him

He sounds very wearing - baby talk is fine in small doses - but it needs to be conversational as in make a sound let baby make a sound acknowledge the sound etc - non stop stream of consciousness gibberish doesn't do anything for a baby. If he does it when she feeding, I think you have to just say 'quiet please now she feeding'

My sister (who is a teacher) would say treat him like a child 'out of the fridge now FIL, that's not your business is it ?' 'Can you sit quietly and calm yourself down now FIL, you're getting very overexcited and silly and I'm feeding the baby there's a good boy ' It actually works quite well. Grin

You have the patience of a saint not to have lost it with him before now Flowers

bunningsbunny · 07/08/2017 12:47

There's the old MNet classic to be used in cases like this - print off application forms to emigrate to Australia, fill them mostly in and leave them for fil to find...

And if he asks about it just say that if you wanted to discuss it you would have left it in view - private things in private places are not up for discussion and if he hadn't been poking his nose into places that were private he would be none the wiser.

monkeysee100 · 08/08/2017 14:53

The nonsense words would do my head in. I know what you mean. My FIL is generally well meaning and nice but we visited and the 'wide load' comments began (I'm pregnant) and he spent ages complaining about a utility bill that was increasing so DH spent half an hour on the phone getting it reduced and then he starts talking about elaborate plans for house renovation most of which for parts of the house that don't need doing. Oh and the blasting tv(!) turn it off!!!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/08/2017 15:15

I don't know if it has something to do with it being his house (sorry if this now makes it drip feeding). Well of course it bloody is! Cheap rent = still his to do with as he pleases. In his head at least.

I find that massive hyperbole helps with this from the GPs in my house, try channelling the .

AztecHero · 08/08/2017 15:21

Okay this might be the nuclear option, but DH's sister used to do things like that so Dh left notes around saying 'found what you are looking for?'

Problem was (for her at least) is that she could never say she had seen the notes (thus admitting she had opened cupboards) so she would be red faced trying to bite her tongue).

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