To think my DB and SIL don't understand healthy eating

[WyclefJohn]

I was talking to my DB the other day, and he said on a day out, he took his 2 and 5 year olds out for the day, where they had Burger King for lunch, and hot dog and chips for tea from a pub. The next day for lunch, they had sausage rolls.

My DN is being seen at a clinic as she has severe constipation. I only see a snapshot, and the rest of the time, they might eat like a food blogger on instagram. I desperately do not want to say anything, but am I being unreasonable to think my DB and DSIL are having trouble with a healthy diet for their children?

Yanbu as your DN is clearly unwell and that's very likely to be caused by bad diet. MN won't have it, though. But some people can't see the link, my PILs don't seem to connect their over-dependence on Gaviscon with the fact that they eat loads of stodgy ready meals, probably because they're not overweight and the meals are from M&S.

On Saturday we had lunch in Ikea (meatballs and chips and dessert) and dinner in McDonalds. Yesterday I made veg soup, prawn salad, fruit smoothies and a chicken and veg dinner. It really depends on the overall nutritional content.

My child has chronic constipation due to his diet. He is NT but has food issues and a will of iron (and we have tried and still try everything. This has been going on for over 2 years now!).

We try to limit the amount of junk he eats as he eats such little on the way of healthy stuff [think 2 types of fruit, no salad and a few types of veg. He doesn't eat pasta or rice or red meat either. Or most varieties of potatoes.... you get the picture] but if we are having a family day out and we have something whilst out I am not going to exclude my DS?

We've spoken to numerous professionals (those who deal with his constipation say sort his diet out and those who deal with his diet say persevere!!) but we're at stalemate. We offer salad and veg with every meal in the hope he will give it a try. We try to make sure food isn't a battleground so we don't punish or reward but it's soul destroying. On a daily (or twice / thrice daily basis) it is soul destroying.

So maybe have a little bit more of an open mind before you judge?

Thanks, of course, I'm not basing my concern on the basis of one anecdote from my DB, rather a concern of a pattern I am seeing. I asked my DB whether the clinic thought the constipation was related to diet, and he got quite angry and said it had nothing to do with it. I know the clinic had asked for a food diary, but DSIL decided to make something up as it would too much time to fill in

Well it wouldn't take any longer to jot down what they eat than it would to fabricate it, so they obviously know the diet is not ideal but don't want to make any changes. It sounds like it's what they are all eating rather than them offering healthy food and the child refusing it.

It's a huge waste of everyone's times for them to present a false food diary to the clinic. Treatment for your DNs condition will probably be different if they are eating a healthy diet but still suffering from constipation vs eating an unhealthy diet.

But if the whole family is used to eating a diet heavy in fast food without the fibre they would get from enough vegetables, fruit, pulses etc, they may not want to eat a healthy diet, which they are likely to find unpalatable and hard work if they are not used to preparing and cooking these sorts of foods.

That is crap food, however I am still cringing from something that happened on the way home from school recently, so don't feel that I can say too much.

We'd been at an event and came away with some food that wasn't put out, some of which I gave the kids for lunch the following day and had forgotten about.

Me: DS, did you eat all your lunch? (this is a standard question I ask every day).

DS: Yes. I had my quinoa & butternut squash salad for lunch, then my seaweed for snack.

Fucking seaweed! The looks I got. I must have sounded like one of those pretentious showoffy parents, which I'm not at all.

"WTF is wrong with sausage rolls??"

Some people get constipated from pastry. I can't eat it at all and couldn't as a child, but was fed them.

""he got quite angry and said it had nothing to do with it""

My DD had a bowel issue, we were fobbed off by the GP, who told my DD to eat more fruit. There honestly wasn't an issue with her diet, she eventually was sent from school, in severe pain to Alderhey, who blasted the GP.

My GD(her DD) has had the same issue from Birth, she was exclusively BF.

I also had "helpful" comments towards my DD with LDs and S&L issues, so I fully understand his anger.

As said,you are only getting a snapshot. Also, there are children being raised on absolute crap who aren't having any bowel issues, so even if her diet is consistently bad,it doesn't mean that there isn't something medical going on, as well.

So it's pretty clear that your DN's constipation is caused by his diet, your DB and DSIL know it but don't want to a) hear it and b) change their ways. Lying about the food diary is surely a red flag. That is very sad, both for them and their DC.

Crunchy I think the OP would know if her own DN had the issues you mention.

On MN people are very, very defensive about food and nutrition, and you're never supposed to judge other people's diets, even if they're like Homer Simpson in that Halloween special with the donuts. But I don't think YABU. You've had a snapshot of their eating over two days, and it's terrible. Ok, perhaps those two days aren't illustrative of their normal diets, but your DB and SIL are both obese (that doesn't tend to happen if people are eating perfectly healthily), your DN has severe constipation (which is more than likely caused by a lack of fibre - which is why the clinic has asked for a food diary - and the diet you describe contains no fibre whatsoever), your DB got very defensive at the suggestion that their diet could be connected to your DN's constipation, and your SIL is planning to mislead her child's HCPs by falsifying a food diary. None of that sounds particularly healthy.

I don't think it's remotely U to suggest that they don't understand healthy eating - it's obvious. But given your DB's reaction when you tried to speak to him about the constipation, I don't think there's anything you can do.

They are obese, they feed their kids the same rubbish they eat, they lie to healthcare professionals and they lie about the cause of their daughter's condition. It's a form of child abuse. YANBU. Not sure what you can do about it though, sorry.

I was originally going to say YABU, keep your nose out - speaking as somebody who has struggled with an eating disorder and has a very warped relationship with food as a result, I think I can safely say most people with an unhealthy diet KNOW they have an unhealthy diet but there are other issues at play and somebody going 'Hey, did you know if you eat less sweets and more fruit, you'll feel better?' is likely to make matters worse. I think those who honestly don't put two and two together and realise that a crappy diet is going to mess with your health are in the minority. I think a slightly larger percentage kid themselves into thinking they have a healthy diet when they don't but, deep down, I think even a lot of people in this category know they're only lying to themselves.

But the incident with the food diary makes me wonder what on earth your DB and SIL are playing at. I mean, I don't see the point in asking somebody for medical help and then lying about a very key piece of information they're going to need. The best you can hope for in that situation is the solution the clinic stumbles upon just happens to be the right one. At worst, they could recommend something which makes things worse. That being said, I'm not sure exactly what you can say to them about this as it seems like they've gone on the defensive.