to hate the term 'empath'

[Penny4UrThoughts]

In my experience it's usually used in one of two ways.

1. 'I'm so super awesome. I'm an empath. People just tell me all their secrets because they know I understand. I can just sense how you are feeling because I'm an empath and you know, it's ok. It will get better. I can feel it. That's just me, can't help but to help people. It's just who I am. There's not many of us about. I'm an empath, did I mention it?' Or

2)' life is so hard. I find it really difficult to make meaningful friendships because as soon as we meet they just tell me their life story and it's all so dramatic and I find it exhausting. I can't cope with all the drama other people choose to have in their lives. It's because I'm an empath and I'm sooo sensitive to everyone's emotions, but people can just sense it and want to tell me everything. It's so hard to be an empath'.

There are people in my life that could probably be describes as empaths, but they wouldn't choose to use the term. The people that I have come across that self-describe themselves as such invariably fall into one of those two groups.

The worst one was at a training programme. We were asked to describe ourselves and her opening was 'well, I'm an empath' and then she proceeded to be disruptive and ride roughshod over the friend that she came with when they were in the spotlight, like she couldn't handle someone else getting the attention.

^^ you've *

Similarly, the trials of introverts, and worse... introverted extroverts have been covered enough now. If you want some time to yourself have at it, you don't need to tell everyone about this perfectly normal feeling.

I do say that I have a face that people like telling stuff to...because it's true. It's rarely stuff I want to hear TBH and as I've got older I have got better at easing myself away from the conversations.

Agree about the Introvert thing though - doesn't everyone need time away from others FFS? I can't understand how this is "a thing"

Agree self proclaimed empaths like people who are "very sensitive" tend to be hard work and best avoided.

The same is true about social awkwardness - everyone feels awkward sometimes. It's normal. You are not a special kind of person. Before people could post this stuff online they would have just been saying 'I know, it could only happen to me!' when talking about missing a train or something equally mundane.

I couldn't do the quiz as it made me feel sick. What does that make me? can I be a dolphin?

The empath test is rubbish. Most of the things on it apply to most people. Having other people moan at you is nearly always draining. We all feel better in the company of some people rather than others. That's because of the personalities of the other people and us geling not something special about us. Lots of people find large gatherings draining.

But you can do a test to see what kind of dinosaur or Downton character you are.
None of those mean that either I am those things.
Nor does making up or using a pretend word suddenly make it a real word.

Ohhhh I'm a moon goddess empath!

I know someone who describes herself as an empath.

What she actually means is that she has given herself permission to tell people how they feel, not listen to them and talk over them.

Because she is emapth they dont need to tell her anything.

She is a twat.

Funny how she never realises that people want her to stop talking Spartacus...

Snap, Betty! See you next full moon.

Yes I agree. However... Similarly tedious are the 'I call a spade a spade' brigade who are spectacularly rude under the guise of being honest. Absolutely no awareness of any other persons feelings and usually lacking in imagination or manners of any kind.

True although I think you get on better with people if you have a bit of a thick skin and aren't always taking offense and being wound up by other people's emotions or perceived emotions.

Have never heard it. I know empathise and empathetic, though.

Interesting. You do need a thick skin but also to be sensitive to the fact that not everybody has a thick skin.
The word empath is annoying. Why are we all so labely these days?
I'm sure these days if I was a teen I'd have been told I had anxiety, panic attacks, OCD but I worked through them without any of these things being carried with me in my identity as a person.
I just think that labels are too cumbersome in most cases, they don't reflect the uniqueness of the individual or the fact that they might be employing the safest most effective coping strategy they have at any given moment in time.
We are all empaths. Animals are too.

The way I see it there's a bit of a trend to denigrate anyone who is seen as a 'special snowflake' or highly sensitive or an empath or whatever you want to call it. So people who are not thick skinned. Some people are more sensitive than other people and that may or may not be accompanied by other irritating personality defects which make them annoying to other people. But I do think it's a trait, an aspect of people's personalities which is quite fixed, like introvert/extrovert. You can learn to develop a thicker skin no doubt.

Are they green, with horns and like singing karaoke?

I'm a moon goddess!

But yes I haven't heard the term empath used this way before, but my mother does a version of this. She frequently tells me that she's a very sensitive and empathetic person (often while relaying how somebody else got 'inexplicably' upset with her because she was doing something self-evidently irritating and talking over everyone else in the room.)

She particularly likes to tell me how I can only stand to be a medical student because I'm a naturally 'hard' person - she would never want to be a doctor because she just cares too much and would find dealing with ill people too upsetting. It gets grating after a while...

Someone used it today on Woman's Hour!!

"It is good when people self identify as an empath though so you know to avoid them without having to go with the ballache of finding out what they are actually like."

This!

Well if it's on Women's Hour then it's clearly not just me making up a word as some people seem to think

(No, it wasn't me, I've been at work all morning)

I've heard people use the word 'holibobs'. That doesn't make it a real word.

I'm jealous of the people who haven't come across others describing themselves as empaths!

I know exactly what you mean, OP, and agree. These people are insufferable.