to ask... is this wine trying to kill me?

[flatdweller22]

Me, tonight, on holiday. It's a small island basically owned by the hotel. You can't buy booze or food, except from the bar (etc). Bought a bottle of wine on the mainland BUT NO F-ING CORKSCREW.
Bought only corkscrew availble on island. Comedy sailor on handle. Cost a fiver.
Tonight, sharing a room with DH and DS (5) decide I'd like to sit up, read my book, enjoy a glass of wine.
Corkscrew breaks within ONE SECOND of use.
Will not be deterred.
Try using a towel as a handle with some (slow) success. Untill it pulls out with extreme force, breaks, stabbing me (Sleeping Beauty style) in the finger. Blood everywhere. Disney plaster applied. Bloody, hotel towel hidden.
Will. Not. Be. Detered.

Try picking Cork out piece by tiny piece with super sharp Cork screw bit. Try nail file. Try nail clippers. Try jedi mind tricks. Try it all again.
This is all happening in bathroom with DS and DH asleep in bedroom (no other rooms! Not posh!).
45 mins later manage to push the Cork into the f*ING bottle. Spill red wine all over white vest (put vest in bin).
Tidy up the carnage (powdered Cork all over floor. Blood. Wine. Discarded clothing).
While tidying THE BOTTLE MAKES AN IRREMOVABLE STAIN ON THE LID OF THE TOILET SEAT.
I am the type of person that makes the bed and tidies before the hotel staff come round and am MORTIFIED.
Finally sit down to pour wine, and the Cork creates a vacuum nearly sending it everywhere.
Deep sigh.
Take a drink.
Its actually horrible. Sweet, slightly fizzy red.
Please tell me I am not alone?
PS family slept through my whole ordeal.

Have a glass of wine and try not to think about how you got it. Op next time might be easier to buy the grapes and make the wine yourself!!!! 😂😂🍾😂😂😍

..might also taste nicer too!!

Gin in a tin next time.

Lesson learnt. next time pack your own booze and opening implements!

Enjoying a rather tasty Chablis which was 25% off in Waitrose

😂 You really wanted that wine!

Lol - that wine sounds like a right dick to be honest. Stick to gin

That would make me cry! You've got good staying power

I saw a facebook video about how to open a bottle of wine with no corkscrew, once. It involved a shoe and a wall. Bit late now, of course.

Hah, thanks folks. So up for gin in a tin next time! Would've just gone down to hotel bar if I wasn't: bleeding from finger, sweating, covered in wine, wearing dirty pj's ( clean white vest being in the bin).

Where are you?

Island owned by hotel... La Gomera?

Was also thinking there's a trick with a shoe but can't remember it!
Screwtop all the way next time!!

This reminds me of buying a Swiss Army knife to get into a bottle of wine I sneaked back to my chalet during a boring conference some years back.

What I wouldn't do for a screw top...

Wait, this shoe thing though... Gonna have to look that up for the future!

Next time push the cork in, rather than trying to pull out.
Try toothpaste on the toilet lid - mildly abrasive, might work?
Sorry the wine's horrible after all that!

Op.you are a woman after my own heart, god bless you and your determination to open that wine.
Hold your nose and down the first glass quite quickly and the next one might not be so bad? good luck

Oh hell dont try to push the cork in!

I did that once, damm thing broke halfway and I was left with a crumbly cork in the neck of the bottle. Got a metal 'steel' which fitted the neck and pushed down (bottle in the sink) damm thing shot into the bottle broke the neck of the bottle and my finger impalled itself on the perfectly shaped U. Cue huge cut, skin flapping in the breeze, blood everywhere and having to meet the dr at the surgery to have it stitched (back in the day when Drs actually worked pm's on call)

It was the day before we were off on holiday, Dr said it would be fine till we got back.... cue practice nurse cursing Drs name while trying to remove stitches from well healed skin and me trying not to squeal!

Just dont