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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christening - is a small do ok?

27 replies

Triathlonmummy · 05/08/2017 18:29

We are getting our DD christened soon and decided that we are inviting our parents, siblings and god parents only, that amounts to 17 in total. The plan is to go for brunch at a lovely restaurant after the mass and it will all be pretty low key. We want to keep it small as a) there isn't room in the church for loads of guests plus the usual congregation (christening will form part of Sunday service) and b) the cost of catering for everyone! However I'm worried I'll upset the rest of my family by doing this (the ones who aren't invited!) if we were to invite the rest of the family and close friends we'd be looking at around 80 guests and that would put the whole thing on the same scale as our wedding! Is a big do the norm, do you invite your aunts, uncles, cousins etc? I really don't want to upset anyone, do you think they'll understand or should I just invite them all? Please help!

OP posts:

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 05/08/2017 19:02

A christening is about the child joining the church not the party afterwards.

I'd invite only the religious ones to the church service and skip the restaurant after.

Crunchymum · 05/08/2017 19:03

Small is fine. In fact I wish everyone would go small. I'm sick of being invited to baptisms. Have been to 3 for one friend alone (her 2 kids and herself!!)

Intimate is fine!!!

MissisBee · 05/08/2017 19:07

This is what I would rather do. My mum has insisted on my aunts and uncles coming too. Not inviting any friends other than the godparents. Will probably have to have some sort of meal after but I'm all for keeping it low key.

BizzyFizzy · 05/08/2017 19:12

It's a massive celebration, so I would look to inviting much wider than immediate family.

When our children were baptised we had a rolling drop in for a drink and canapés at our house, rather than a meal for everyone at one sitting. Church family certainly knew what to do, and would arrive after the main lunchtime.

Groovee · 05/08/2017 19:16

My friend only had the godparents and grandparents for a meal afterwards. It's what they wanted and I'm all for that.

OlennasWimple · 05/08/2017 19:18

Small is fine!

PippaRose · 05/08/2017 19:54

We are doing the same for our DS, we wanted to keep it small but it's hard to know where to draw the line once you open it out.

crazywriter · 05/08/2017 21:12

Small is fine. It's what we did with our first and what we will do with our second later this month.

I've given up trying to appease the whole family. It never works. Even for my grandmother's 90th her adult kids were arguing over stupid things (inc my own parents) to the point where she asked me to take her home. I took her out for a meal that she enjoyed instead Just me and her. Everyone expected me to apologise for taken her away from the hateful situation they'd created because they we rent happy their mum would be happier with a granddaughter instead. Just trying to say that it's impossible to please everyone so do what you think is right for you and your LO.

squoosh · 05/08/2017 21:14

I've been to a bajillion christenings and most of them have been pretty small. Grandparents, mum and dad's siblings, godparents, nieces and nephews and maybe an aunt and a couple of close friends.

Lolabee · 05/08/2017 21:14

Not unreasonable at all and sounds like you would have a lovely time.

HelenaJustina · 05/08/2017 21:17

We did the entire extended family for Baptism but as we had them done at 9/10 weeks old, it was often the first time that my aunts/cousins/uncles had come to see the baby (big Irish Catholic family, Baptisms are a big deal for us)

However, for First Holy Communion we only had siblings, grandparents and god parents... came to fewer than 25 people and was soooo much easier and relaxed! Made me glad that my days of huge 70+ family parties are behind me.

Noodledoodledoo · 05/08/2017 21:19

Small is good - I did close family and godparents only - given for both of mine godparents were 2 members of family already it was only one extra family!

When we baptised my son 3/4 of the church was filled with another Christening and it seemed far to big.

That said a friend has just organised a christening for her daughter and it would rival some peoples weddings - soft play booked, sweetie cart, hog roast, etc etc - think she misses organising her wedding!

squoosh · 05/08/2017 21:24

All the christenings I've been to, Irish ones, there could be another five babies being christened at the same service so it isn't really feasible (or expected) to invite huge numbers.

Bodicea · 05/08/2017 21:26

I had big tradition do for my first, big function room, buffet ( which was crap) the whole shebang My lo was ill on the day and slept for most of it and I just found the whole thing really stressful and a bit rubbish. Christenings are boring.
My second we stuck to immediate family and godparents, about 20 at that. We had a lovely three course meal in a gorgeous restaurant. Skipped the cake. We still spent a fair bit as we paid for the meal, prob a bit more - possibly £600 but it was such a lovely day.
If I had a third I would def go for the smaller do.

Ameliablue · 05/08/2017 21:30

It's really a personal choice. We tend to invite extended family but not so many friends. This is mainly because extended family tend to only get together for Baptisms, Weddings, Funerals and special birthdays. Aunts and uncles who live a distance away are unlikely to come though.

JennyBlueWren · 05/08/2017 21:30

I think we had 15 including ourselves and babies. I wasn't sure how many to expect and MIL kept suggesting people we should invite (e.g. remote relatives).
I had left it quite late to arrange something for after as I had thought originally there'd be enough of us to sit round the table in our house. We just hired a small hall at a local football club and had a buffet from Morrisons.

GladAllOver · 05/08/2017 21:32

A baptism / christening is a church service that is public event open to anyone who wants to attend.
Some people want to have a party afterwards. If they do they can invite who they wish, just like any other party. That is not part of the Christening. You won't find it in the prayer book.

Lana1234 · 05/08/2017 21:54

I'll be having my first christened in about 2 months time and planning on only inviting close family and friends too and probably do the same as you and have a nice low key meal afterwards

Allthebestnamesareused · 05/08/2017 22:36

We did the church and then an afternoon tea afterwards. Smallish do,
direct family, godparents, a couple of aunts and uncles.

The restaurant seems quite lavish to me.

mummytooneprincess · 05/08/2017 22:52

We are going small too - family and godparents only. We are coinciding it with dd's 1st birthday so will a have little birthday party at our house afterwards.

skiploom · 05/08/2017 23:17

What GladAllOver said.

Scaredycat3000 · 05/08/2017 23:18

I am an Atheist, it is mine and OH's choice to not introduce our dc to religion, not MIL's. It wasn't on that she bought them a christening gift at least. You are a christian probably, it is your choice to as to how and when you introduce your dc to religion, not your extended family. Don't let others guilt you into spending your family memories, money and time on their wishes.

allegretto · 05/08/2017 23:20

We went to a restaurant afterwards but there were only 8 of us so it seemed the easiest thing. Lots of other babies christened at the same time though so church was full. Small is good!

redsquirrell · 06/08/2017 00:45

Your do. Your rules. Anyone who gets offended is not worth bothering about, they should respect your choices. It's personal between you, your baby, the godparents and the church, you don't need anyone else.

Happydoingitjusttheonce · 06/08/2017 09:48

"Christenings are boring"

Why would you have your child christened if you thought christenings were boring? Do you find your faith boring?

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