to expect Mother and Toddler to be Mother AND toddler

[lucyellensmum]

i know us mums need a break, oh god do i need a break - two broken nights due to sickness bug - but i think it is a shame that at one of the M&T groups i go to it is simply a case of mothers sitting in the corner gossiping, completely ignoring their toddlers. I'll not go to that one again but just wondered if anyone else feels the same.

Depends what the toddlers are doing.

When I used to go to M&T, I used to see it as time for the children to play with other children without me hanging over their shoulders and for me to sit, have a cuppa nad chat to friends

I didnt see it as time for me to go off and play with my DD's or read books, I do that at home

They loved going off and playing with the other children, was good for them

But..........I did always keep my eye on them and never ignored them if they came to me or had hurt themselves

Yes, you are being unreasonable.

You cant dictate how other mums spend their time at these groups, unless the toddlers themselves are doing something they shouldnt and their parent/guardian has missed it.

Are you feeling a little left out?

Hmm... is a tricky one.

I think (as a toddler group helper) that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If we don't talk to new people and have a chat, then we're unwelcoming... if we do, then we're neglecting our children

For what it's worth, ds1 WANTED me to stick by his side every second of his time there and I hardly spoke to ANYONE. Ds2 doesn't want to know me and gets cross if I follow him around. That's why I volunteered to help - was something to do while I was being ignored by my child Obviously, he knows where I am if he gets upset... or more likely, wants another biscuit. He's not a hitter, pincher or biter so I don't have to hover by him for the protection of other children. So, it depends very much on the child.

I would say though, that you need to find somewhere that you feel comfortable. All toddler groups have different atmospheres and ways of doing things - find one that you're most comfortable with. Many people can find toddler groups absolutely mind numbing and horrible, and that's fine too - you will not scar your child by doing something completely different

When ds1 was small I quite liked our Wacky Warehouse toddler sessions. £2.50 included a couple of hours play plus juice, coffee/tea and biscuits. I found that most people stayed with their child, but I never made any new friends there because the adults didn't really speak, which for me was a shame as I was trying to make new friends in a new area.

Horses for courses

I totally agree with Anniebear. However, at my mother & toddler group (should say PARENT actually as one of the mums is a dad) we have an hour where they play on their own (assuming they want to) then we have half an hour where we do organised singing and dancing thingies where you do it with your toddler.

It's fun.

Yes i think you are. If they only having chat and children are supervised i don't see the problem. For some mums this can be there only interaction with adults.

I thought that was the purpose of m&t groups.... Unfortunately I have one of those faces whereby random children seem to think that I am there to read books and play with all of them. I would love a cup of coffee and a gossip.

maybe a little unreasonable, yes, i go to a toddler group with organised play sessions too with a free play area if the children want it. Perhaps im just too into my baby - i think the children at this group enjoy adult attention as i always seem to have a circle of them around me as i am playing with my daughter and they want to join in too. Most of the wee ones at this group though are a little young to play with each other and its just sad to see them sometimes obviously feeling bored and vulnerable, maybe its just me. I know which play group my little girl enjoys the most. Different strokes, then, i stand corrected. As to feeling left out - nah - im as anti social as they come.

I don't see what's wrong with leaving your child to get on with it for half an hour obviously still supervised from a distance.

Most Mothers/Fathers/Nannies who attend M&T groups spend the majority of their time interacting with their children I guess.

can see both points of view here. I do go for a gossip and to see friends - possibly too much - the other day my dd came up to me when I was finding out the latest PTA gossip and said 'don't chat, Mummy - play!!' But it's sometimes nice to have a bit of play with dd where you're not distracted by the washing that needs putting in or the breakfast things that still need clearing away....

I actually have quite a revolutionary idea about parent and toddler groups. Hiring some goodwilled people who can play with the children for 1hr, while parents truly have a break, have a decent chat, share their worries and joys of parenthood, instead of running around, chasing their children, always in the know that other parents are actually judging them.