to dislike the holidays due to one of my kids?

[Lemonchops]

I've found the last 2 summer holidays extremely difficult and often unpleasant due (mostly) to the behaviour of my 6-year-old. I'm starting to suspect she may have a behaviour issue, though i'm not sure what, as there isn't a sniff of it at school! She can often be totally obnoxious in the holidays though, and i don't mean just a bit naughty, I mean awful. Violent to her siblings and occasionally me, wild, cheeky, rude, saying shocking things like 'i want to kill you', 'i wish you weren't my mum', 'i wish i was someone else' etc. She says everything that I plan to do with them is 'boring' and often refuses to go out and practically has to be dragged. A family member kindly booked her & her brother on a week long sports course to help with passing the time she refused to go; tried it on the second day and proclaimed it 'boring' and wouldn't go back. She is a strong girl both personality wise and physically and cannot really be forced to do anything (unless i'm missing something obviously i'm starting to feel guilty and question myself about how i'm dealing with things). Another very tricky issue is that my daughter can be violent with her friends so it's very difficult to meet up with people. She isn't violent at school though. Just when I am there. But because this happens I have to be very careful about which friends we meet up with & in which circumstances. As a result I think she is more lonely and bored than she should be, but I don't know what else to do. Have had loads of very embarrassing situations last year that totally put me off. I'm really worried about her and also concerned about the effect it's having on her younger siblings, who are a lot calmer in terms of behaviour (though at times can be influenced by her and wound up). I'm also feeling guilty guilty about not handling her properly, though I do think anyone would find her very difficult and guilty about not enjoying the holidays because of her (but it IS her and that is undeniable... On occasions when her Dad and Granny have taken her out and i've had the younger two, all's been fine). I should add that on a one to one basis she is usually fine. I've got a doc appt but i'm not sure if she has a 'proper' behaviour issue or it's just an extreme case of summer holiday blues cos she thrives on structure SO much.. .But in any case I don't feel like I can cope with more summer holidays like this :-( I think she may be a bit depressed too, but my partner thinks this notion is ridiculous given her age and thinks I'm ridiculous for considering it.

I agree with Ms game - not an expert but lots of children put all their resources into coping at school and explode at home without 'choice' being the main issue.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if she is anxious. I think a written or even picture plan for every day of the holidays would help, could you manage a week ahead? Can you avoid playschEmes, which are actually very unstructured, and think in your mind of giving her lessons in how to structure her own time? So she helps you cook meals every day but that includes making decisions about meals from a choice of two for example?

I am absolutely not saying that she is autistic but she might well be a child who would benefit from techniques that children with autism find helpful. My friends report that local Facebook groups for parents of children with autism have the most resources and ideas.

Go away neut.

My DD1 (8) is very much like this. She's an angel at school but at home she can be a nightmare sometimes, physically and verbally abusive to me an DD2.

She and her younger sister are adopted but full birth siblings. This is why we applied to adopt DD2, so it's very discouraging when she lashes out at her. She's kicked, hit and bitten her, and hurt me too by stepping hard on my bare foot. She also throws things when she's angry. When she stops she just gets very upset and that's awful to see.

There's also the verbal attacks: 'I hate you!' and 'You don't care about me!'

But she can be absolutely lovely too. We use sanctions; she loses 50 pence from her pocket money for each act of violence.

She's been diagnosed with Attachment Disorder and possible ADHD. And yes, behaviour disorders can mean different behaviours in different contexts. She does best when she has routine so we arrange organised activities as far as possible.

It's exhausting but we are waiting for therapy for her, which will hopefully come soon.

Can you put her in an all-day holiday club so she has routine?

My eldest is seven and has issues, although not so severe with violence unless it's her little sister. It's really impacted my relationship with her and I feel terrible. She's lovely and caring a lot on the other hand. I'm considering looking into family therapy to improve our relationship- she has a diagnosis but there isn't much support on the NHS so I will have to look at private services. Is this something you could consider? It seems your relationship may be key to this behaviour and some exploration of issues may help. I've read about "Love Bombing" too - planning a day out just the two of you and doing things she enjoys and chooses. I used to take her into london when her sister was in nursery but it's harder to find the time now. It really did help our bonding. My relationship with the little one is much easier and more natural, although she's often naughtier. I love her and would do anything for her but feel terrible it isn't so easy to enjoy her.

Yes, Annandale, you're spot on, it's a case of holding it in at school and exploding at home. DD1's meltdowns tend to happen between 4 and 6 pm before DH comes home.

You really have my sympathy, OP.

Evil is it?

ODFO you're being deliberately inflammatory because you're bored.

Nobody is here for your entertainment dear.

Ok good, that comment has been deleted. So we can all move on from it and continue offering support to OP.

I've requested mine be deleted too since it quoted it.
Anyway OP, how are things?