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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH shouldn't have spent £400 on a new phone

37 replies

allchildrengrowup · 05/08/2017 10:29

I'm currently on maternity leave, so money is tighter than normal and I've really been trying to cut costs e.g. shopping in Aldi, restricting days out for the DCs, no buying non-essential items, getting everything second hand etc. This week, DH came home with a new £400 phone. He thought this was justified because I have just bought a second hand sofa on Ebay for £250. Our current sofa is 20 years old and completely knackered. My view is the sofa is for everyone. The phone is just for him. I very rarely buy anything for myself. I am pretty pissed off about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 05/08/2017 10:31

Did he buy it outright? Or is it contract? Seems rather selfish, he thought you'd 'treated' yourself to a new sofa so he gets a treat too?

Crunchymum · 05/08/2017 10:32

Very selfish.

Can he take it back?

honeysucklejasmine · 05/08/2017 10:33

What?! So the sofa is for your exclusive use is it? Remind him of that, every time he sits down.

PickAChew · 05/08/2017 10:34

Yanbu, his priorities are pretty screwed if money is tight for you as a family.

Original poster
allchildrengrowup · 05/08/2017 10:35

He bought it outright. He sold his old phone and says he's going to sell some things on ebay to "pay" for it, but I'd rather have the profit from this in the bank!

OP posts:
swingofthings · 05/08/2017 10:41

Sounds like you should be discussing large purchases before you go ahead. Sounds like he wasn't happy that you bought a sofa to replace one he didn't think needed so urgently so he went and did what he thinks is the same.

Member652554 · 05/08/2017 10:42

You are not BU. He sounds like a selfish arse .

hiphopcat · 05/08/2017 10:45

YANBU! Because you bought a sofa FOR THE HOME, he thinks it's OK to spend £400 on a mobile phone for HIMSELF?! Confused

Sorry, but imo, you have to be some special kind of stupid to spend that on a fucking phone anyway.

But that is JMO of course.

I would seriously insist he took it back. What a selfish, childish cockwomble!

BootsWithDresses · 05/08/2017 10:48

Did you really need to buy a sofa though?

Was your other one literally about to fall apart?

Did you tell him that you were buying it?

Maybe you can both learn from this that you both discuss big purchases before buying.

crazymissdaisy · 05/08/2017 10:59

The main point for me is that you are not in some kind of tit for tat spending war where one of you splashing out justifies a reciprocal equivalent large purchase! You are trying to keep to a family budget. Can you explain the things that the whole family will now have to do without because of the phone? E.g. no weekend swim every week? If you make it "no beer for DH" he will just take it as mean spirited spite, if it affects the whole family he might get the message that it was thoughtless. Did you save up to get the sofa?

Mrscropley · 05/08/2017 11:04

When my phone was upgraded and actually made my contract cheaper dh kept my old phone as he had broken his and had managed with my very old and very pink one for months!!
Your dh is a selfish arse. .

Genghi · 05/08/2017 11:48

So you didn't discuss buying the sofa with him & he didn't discuss buying the phone as retaliation. Sounds like a lack of communication.

Namechangetempissue · 05/08/2017 11:51

Extremely selfish and absolutely ridiculous in my opinion. Nobody "needs" a £400 phone, but as a family you do need a sofa to sit on. You haven't treated yourself with a bloody secondhand sofa. I would be really pissed off.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 05/08/2017 11:58

A family sofa for £250 and his personal phone for £400 I would be livid. Selfish man.

Bootsdresses wtf? Read what OP wrote and then read what you've written. Their current sofa is 20 years old and falling apart! How is OP at fault?

BootsWithDresses · 05/08/2017 13:23

Bootsdresses wtf? Read what OP wrote and then read what you've written. Their current sofa is 20 years old and falling apart! How is OP at fault?

I read the OP. My point is if money is really tight then surely buying a sofa isn't essential either. I still think her dh was wrong. But I think all purchases over a certain amount should be discussed and agreed upon.

Hapaxlegomenon · 05/08/2017 13:36

£400 is definitely too much to spend without discussing it first, especially as it's not something essential...I would be put out. I was a 'surprised' today when dh came home with a pair of jeans for £200 Shock He said he went into a shop just to pass some time and the shop assistant gave him loads of attention and talked to him for ages Hmm and he let her dress him up in a whole new outfit and he became flustered and purchased the jeans!

SpartacusSaiman · 05/08/2017 13:43

I think you are both bu. Him more so.

He shouldnt have bought the phone. But if you want him to discuss big purchases with you, you should do the same.

Also of he is going to seel his own belongings to pay for it, i think its unfair to say him selling his own stuff should be profit for the bank.

Selling your own stuff shouldnt automatically joint money.

topcat2014 · 05/08/2017 13:44

@hapax - don't expect the shop was Primark then where I tend to go ;)

ZenNudist · 05/08/2017 13:48

Need more info please.

Why did you need a new sofa?

I buy my phone outright and get cheap SIM only deal. Its a bigger upfront cost but cheaper long term.

Was his previous phone on the way out? I kept mine (iPhone) for about 3 years and it didnt really work by the end.

Hapaxlegomenon · 05/08/2017 13:53

topcat2014 me too!

He was in a 'boutique'. What an amateur

XiCi · 05/08/2017 14:00

I really don't think the OP needs to be continually asked why she bought a new sofa when she has already said the previous one was 20 years old and knackered. Jesus, surely that's reason enough.

You're DH is being a complete arse OP . There is a cooling off period for new phones and if you are currently struggling financially I would ask him to return it.

MidnightAura · 05/08/2017 14:06

What a dick move! World of difference between a couch and a mobile phone. One is essential for the family and everyone will make use of it, the other is a gadget and loads of less expensive phones do the same thing.

RebelRogue · 05/08/2017 14:18

Is your income shared or separate?
Did he spend it out of "his" money or the family money?

NurseButtercup · 05/08/2017 14:27

Don't want to comment on if you or your dh is bu, however I can suggest that your dh considers getting a refund on that £400 phone and buying a phone for half the price from a chinese brand.

Over the last few years I've purchased several phones from www.coolicool.com and www.gearbest.com via their EU site. I currently have a pink gold Oukitel phone which looks like the latest Iphone, has a great spec, comes sim free/unlocked has loads of storage(more than I will use), good camera and runs on the most recent release of android. I specifically purchase from their EU site to avoid import tax and keep costs down. This is not an illegal purchase (before anybody jumps to conclusions) and I'm not associated/ receive commission to any of these websites.

I then have a sim only contract for the best number of minutes/data/texts that I need/can afford.

I'm just sharing information about a more budget friendly approach to purchasing a mobile phone.

Brands that I've bought in the past include: Elephone, UMI, Ulefone, and Doogee.

Feel free to pm me if you want more information and links to reviews from reputable sites.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 05/08/2017 14:54

To be honest, I stumbled at 'purchased a new sofa' too. OP, by your husband's reaction to the sofa I can assume that he did not think it was essential to replace the old one right that minute so he treats thus purchase as your own ' treat'. Hence he felt justified to buy a phone for himself.

I think you should have come to an agreement regarding the sofa - if there was a discussion at all? - and since it didn't happen, you should let it go with the phone and make a deal with your husband to discuss big purchases going forward

He might actually decide to return the phone on his own accord after such a talk.

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