To feel really sorry for my friend

[Mushybanna23]

It was my birthday today went of to a local event as a girly day out. One of my friends I've known 20 years lost her job she's found a new one but for the time being is short for money. she had to bail out of my birthday but I understand and said we can meet up another time. When she told her mum she wasn't going her mum then replied with great you can watch your sister for the day and I can go to this event with my friend they hadn't even planned to go feels like a kick in the face to my friend. Had that been my mum she would of insisted I go given me some cash and insisted I enjoy my friends birthday I know it's not a money thing either as her mum is loaded.

sounds like something my MIL would say.

Hope you and your friend get together soon. And happy birthday.

Once some dc are adults some dm don't realise they really are still a dm and should continue to do the best they can for them. .Putting your dc first should be whatever their age imo.

I just felt so sorry for her as had been planned a few months and the whole girl group was going

Couldn't you and the others have chipped in so she could come?

Does your friend live at home?

How old is she? Did she pay rent? Has her mum being heloing her out financialky while she was out of work.

Honestly, as a mum, i think i would have given my dd the money. However, without knowing the other parts of situation its hard to say the mum is definitely being unreasonable

Agree, that's a bit shit of your friend's mum.

However, if you were feeling so sorry for your friend, why didn't you pay for her to come along to your birthday celebrations? Seems like the most obvious thing to do, surely. Or pool together with the others to treat her if you couldn't afford it on your own?

I would have paid for my friend. Is there a reason you didn't offer?

Also not sure of the point of this post. She wasn't going so her mum took the opportunity to go with a friend instead. Don't really see the issue.

Same thoughts as crunchymum. We would have all chipped in for the friend.

I had a similar situation once. The birthday girl wanted me to be there so she paid for me and I gave it back when I got paid.

I'm 29 years old. My DM loves me very much. She would give me money for bills and necessities. However, a night out isn't a necessity.
If I'm reading this right, because your friend couldn't come, the mother did? Which means you also invited the mother?

You can do something for your birthday when she has a bit more cash. If you feel that bad, you should have sorted her out yourself.

Parents aren't banks and shouldn't be relied upon for "play money" once you're an adult. They won't be around forever and aren't a personal ATM.

The "whole girl group are going"? How old are you?

It could be me, but I'm thinking your birthday may not be as important to others as it is to you. Her Mum probably just thought, well she's not going now, so asked her to mind her Sister. I really don't think that's too terrible?

If you and the others had really wanted her their you would have subbed her the evening.

no i dont think it is terrible either.

I don´t see the problem at all. Your friend is not going out so her mother asked her to babysit. A night out is not an essential activity - I don´t see why an adult child would expect that to be funded by her parent.

If you feel so sorry for her, why didn´t you all club together to pay for her? That would seem more normal to me than her being funded by her mother.

I'd have paid for my friend however this isnt the actual question.

Yes, the mother was thoughtless, however assuming your friend still lives at home, she wont be paying her rent/keep until she finds another job and that's when you start doing more jobs round the house 'in kind' to cover your rent/keep. Unpaid babysitting being one of them.

A communication issue more than anything.

If you guys wanted her there so much why didn't you all offer to chip in and cover her?