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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu? Dad and new partner

21 replies

Savethebees · 04/08/2017 21:39

NC as outing

My dad has a new partner of a few months, his fourth after my DM'S death 7 years ago.
I am moving away to a different country for a new job soon and will be gone for about 6 months. I am currently single so my dad has offered to take me to the airport and wave me off (airport about 6 hour drive away).

However my dad assumed I wouldn't mind his new girlfreind coming with us to the airport, we were also going to have a meal the night before and a few drinks. I also asked my DSis (16) to come with as she is off for school holidays so thought it would be a nice day out for us before I catch my flight and a nice chance to say goodbye.

However my DDad has now said that his girlfriend wants to come back later the next day when my DSis needs to be back home for an event, to comprise is said why not let her get the train alone as she is 16 and quiet independent and confident (approx 3 hour journey - no changes) but he is refusing.

My issue is that he just invited his girlfriend along and is now making it awkward for my DSis to come and I would prefer to say goodbye to her properly before I leave for 6 months! I love my DDad and get on with his new GF quite well but don't want to choose between her and my DSis!

Thanks!

AIBU?

OP posts:

Allthebestnamesareused · 04/08/2017 21:40

Can't the GF get the train then and Dad and Dsis drive back after seeing you?

Orangebird69 · 04/08/2017 21:40

No you're not. Can the gf make her own way back early?

Allthewaves · 04/08/2017 21:41

Tell dad and sis they need to sort it out

Original poster

Savethebees · 04/08/2017 21:42

she wants to stay later to looks around the city - sorry should have clarified!

My DSis needs to leave early for an event and my DDad would like to stay with his GF

OP posts:

madja · 04/08/2017 21:45

Is she normally like this?

BeepBeepMOVE · 04/08/2017 21:47

I think that he is very kind to drive you 6 hours. I'm guessing he will have to stay in a hotel and drive 6hours back- nothing wrong with him wanting to take girlfriend and turn it into nice night away. Are you wanting sis to stay the night with them or get the train back the same day?

headinhands · 04/08/2017 21:49

It's not fair to put all the blame on the gf. If I was travelling that far I'd want to make the most of it. Why doesn't your dsis use the opportunity to spend time with her dad?

Original poster

Savethebees · 04/08/2017 21:50

I agree he is doing me a massive favour by driving me back; and he is getting a nice day out as well.

However I would just like him to let my sister get the train back on her own other wise she can't go

She was also looking forward to a nice day out, and yes me we were all going to stay in a hotel together, my flight is early and then the 3 of them would be alone after I leave

OP posts:

TennisAtXmas · 04/08/2017 21:52

He seems to be prioritising the girlfriend over your sister, which is a bit off - is there a way you can gently point out that she's 16, will be away, and independent soon enough? Surely he can put you and her first, for the day ?
Failing that, could you persuade him to let your sister go back by train after all (coz she's getting older, and needs to practise being independence)?
He sounds rather selfish, tbh.

Original poster

Savethebees · 04/08/2017 21:57

He is a very good dad to me and DSis but he is in a new relationship which is taking priority at the moment.

The event is important to DSis and tickets, transport and outfits have been bought so she is quiet excited!

She is very confident and I was aloud to travel across the country at a similar age and had travelled around the world before starting uni and he was very supportive.

Mixed reponses so far!

OP posts:

MilkTart · 04/08/2017 22:07

This seems to be less about his girlfriend and more about him not allowing your sister to get the train. What's his objection? If she doesn't go at all, wouldn't she then be home alone?

Original poster

Savethebees · 04/08/2017 22:10

She would probably stay with a freind or relative but this is also my point

And yes perhaps you are right however if the GF hadn't been invited then DDad and DSis could leave together but I see your point!

OP posts:

nauticant · 04/08/2017 22:17

There was I thinking that I must be reading a different thread to everyone else when luckily MilkTart posted.

The thread is about DDad unreasonably exerting his will over DSis.

Allthebestnamesareused · 04/08/2017 22:22

Could you do something special with your sister the day before and her not have to come to the airport at all?

headinhands · 04/08/2017 22:26

Doh! Sorry op. Didn't read it properly. Yes, confused about him not wanting her to get a train alone. Many people fly alone at that age and younger.

tararabumdeay · 04/08/2017 22:44

If I were DSis I'd be hankering to get the train, rehearsing my routine/freedom as well as looking out of the window or reading pastoral poetry all the way home.

OTOH if my Dad's newest gf came within 4' 8 1/2" of me and family time she'd be tied to the nearest tracks before Dad turned the key in the ignition.

itsbetterthanabox · 04/08/2017 22:45

He's doing you a big favour. I get he wants to take his gf.
It's a separate issue that he won't let sister travel on the train. Why won't he?

Original poster

Savethebees · 04/08/2017 22:51

I think he will let her but will not be happy about, sister is fine with getting train on her own

It's is that GF was invited without consulting me or sister which we are both a bit about but it's done now!!

Just need him to allow sister to get train, I can't see any problems, especially when I had a lot of freedom at that age!

Thanks everyone I will tell him he should let sister get the train back

OP posts:

honeybeetheoneandonly · 04/08/2017 23:35

Don't make it about the girlfriend. I would gently explain that you would really like to say goodbye to your sister at the airport and what he thinks would be a good solution?
Also if your sister isn't coming will you be sitting in the back of the car by yourself for 6h while he talks to his new girlfriend? I think if it is at all feasible, I would tell your dad you are very grateful for the offer but prefer to do a lovely send off from home the day before and you could get the bus, train, plane to the relevant hotel.
If he realizes you rather make your own way down than to miss your sister (and be the third wheel as well) it may make him get a better perspective.
All that failing, you could just talk about the elephant in the room and tell him that you want your sister there, of course, and changing the plans to accommodate his girlfriend (which is fine) but at the expense of forcing your sister to stay home (which is not fine) is infuriating/saddening/not how you want to leave. She is 16, presumably has a mobile phone and some understanding of not sitting on a stranger's lap in a public train carriage. If that's all it takes to resolve the situation he is being unreasonable. She could also phone him every hour on the hour and provide specific details on the passengers around her so he knows who to look for should she be "taken".

itsbetterthanabox · 05/08/2017 10:27

I don't understand why you'd need to be asked if your dad wanted to bring his gf.
This isn't a family event.
He's just giving you a lift!

headinhands · 05/08/2017 10:42

It's is that GF was invited without consulting me or sister which we are both a bit about but it's done now!!

I don't think he needs to consult you.

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