First post here. Please be kind. Looking for answers as to whether I'm being unreasonable!
Last year a work contact (not colleague), unexpectedly asked me out. I was shocked, declined but tried to be nice about it.
Fast forward six months and I reconsidered the decision. I made a few attempts at flirting where I felt he might be too. In the end in May I just asked him to tell me more about himself sometime.
I didn't get a reply, but I did get a lot of unexpectedly good work results with him - one of which made me nearly fall of my chair. It was a real incredible gesture. I took it as romantic at the time...
I sent a few more generally chatty messages and again asked him out. Again I got no reply. I sent another final text saying I'll take that as a no then.
In the meantime I had to do something for him for work that resulted in me losing business. This all came about due to the miscommunication and again him trying to be over nice.
I had to see him recently. I got quite cross because he was very interested in me, my work, and generally over nice. I felt very uncomfortable because he hadn't bothered to reply to me. As soon as I started to gain in confidence in the meeting his whole body language shifted. I asked at the end of we should discuss anything else. He would not discuss my approach to him at all. Not an inch. I was trying to apologise if I made him feel uncomfortable but he took it as another approach.
I have to say I got quite cross with his arrogance.
I told him that if we were to work together with clear give and take then I needed to trust him. I said I had placed myself in a position of vulnerability and I wanted him to be honest, nice and at least acknowledge me.
He then had to leave for another meeting. He said he was sorry if I felt that way, but he wanted to keep the two things separate.
I'm wondering if I've been a bit harsh.
The incredible gesture wasn't necessary for me, and the loss of business has hurt me. Both of which have been caused by this lack of clarity between us. I really wish he'd just been honest and said no rather than trying to be nice in other areas.
It did really hurt my feelings that he hadn't replied as I thought we got on really well and had a really positive, sparky relationship. And he asked me out before.
Is that awful that I told him I was upset?