DP wants me to ask DM for a loan - AIBU?

[TeapotTam]

Backstory: DM has a lot of money. Her partner doesn't work, their kids go to private school etc. Me and DP don't have much money, we get by ok but currently have quite a bit of (manageable) debt. We got a loan from my mum earlier this year (to pay off debts) and are still paying her back.

Our 12 year old car has just broke down and is basically more hassle than it's worth. We both agree we need a new car. He wants me to ask my mum for a loan. I don't agree, as we are still paying her back but mostly because I feel really awkward but he's being quite pushy about it. I think we should just get it on finance. His reason is because DM treats my siblings differently I apparently need to address this. I agree with what he's saying but I just hate asking for things. She knows we don't have much and I feel like if she wanted to help she would.

Am I right or do I just need to swallow my pride and talk to her?

Need more info as potentially it could become quite messy when money is involved. How long have you been with your dp?

And in what way is it unequal between your siblings?

Awh she would probably be upset if she knew you had gone to seek finance first without discussing it.
I'm sure if she can help then she will.
Why don't you get an evaluation on finance so you can see what the monthly fees/deposit is like first, then have a chat with her?
At least that way, if she does say no, for whatever reason, you've already done your research in advance.
I can see your husbands point, but it's always awkward having to ask!

Does he see her as a cash cow, do you think? Why isn't he taking any responsibility for the new car?

Okay so to answer a few questions:

Been with DP 5 years no issues there I trust he's not after her money or anything.

It's always been unequal with my siblings because they go to private school, there's talk of buying them cars for their 17th, 100% supporting them through uni etc. Whereas I didn't have any of that, I lived with my dad growing up.

I don't like conflict/awkwardness so have never questioned it. DP is the opposite to me, if it were his parents for example treating him differently he'd let them know and want an explanation.

It isn't your DP's business and not his place to push you to ask. If you don't feel comfortable don't ask. It is unfair if you're treated differently from siblings but personally I'd rather stand on my own feet as an adult than ask for parental handouts that weren't offered. Pay back the loan you already have and tell DP to back off.

Why did you have the debt in the first place?

Could you get your own car finance if you wanted?

How cheap a loan would you ask DM for?

Did she have the kind of money she has now when you were growing up? That makes a massive difference ..
and by the sounds of it you lived with your dad growing up and not your mum so I presume she probably has a better bond with your siblings.

You can ask but you shouldn't expect the cash, doesn't matter how much money she has, it's hers, not yours.

I wouldn't ask, but that's me.

My parents have raised me and I'm an adult now that should be able to stand on my own two feet, that doesn't mean running back to my folks everytime I get into debt or need something new. You would of known your car was getting very old and should of put some money aside not expect a hand out.

I would bring up in conversation that you're getting a car loan. As you say, if she wants to help she will.

Fwiw, my dad could have easily leant us money for our cars but didn't, he made it clear he thought we should save up.

Rabbit started off with a couple of credits cards, then DP had to have operations last year and had to take time off then I lost my job and was out of work for a few months. We're on top of it all though. Would probably ask for about 5k.

I know she paid my dad a lot of maintenance but he didn't earn much so it just topped up his income iyswim. I know logically it's unfair so I don't know why I feel so awkward about it but it seems I'm not alone!

trillby I think I'll do that. No pressure then.

If she does loan YOU the money, whose name will be on the purchase documents and the V5? Please tell me it won't be DP?