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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has present buying got out of hand?

16 replies

kennycat · 04/08/2017 19:23

I'm probably going to sound like a right miserable sod but here goes...

Where do we draw the line with buying presents for children of friends? For some reason there are some friends who's children I've bought birthday and Christmas presents for since birth and they've bought for mine. Some friends this hasn't happened - not sure why. They aren't worse friends!
It's both of my children's birthdays this month so it's at the forefront of my brain.

Neither of my children actually need or want anything that they don't already have. We live quite simply. We struggle to think what to get them ourselves without thinking up suggestions for others to get them.
I realise we are very lucky that people want to buy for them but please bear with me.

I feel a bit like the present buying is getting a bit out of hand especially now my oldest is at school and at a party every other weekend. I buy for around 20 children of friends too. Many of whom I see only twice a year despite living in the same small city.

My husband says I should just nip this in the bud now and say to them all that we should agree to stop buying presents for each other's Children and just seeing them for a play or drink and slice of cake is absolutely sufficient.

I'm genuinely interested in hearing people's thoughts on this.
I get so anxious about buying presents; will they like it? Have they already got it? Do the parents approve? Etc. ReMoving this issue from my life would certainly make things easier...

OP posts:
Supersoaryflappypigeon · 04/08/2017 19:25

Your husband is right. I'd say to people "We've decided just yo buy for family from now on" and leave it at that.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 04/08/2017 19:31

I only buy for a handful of friends' dcs. I do think people buy too many birthday presents in general, (I don't buy for many of my adult friends either; they don't buy for me either), but I'm probably being a bit of a grouch! I think a lot of it doesn't end up being used, so think it's a bit of a waste really. That probably depends on what people buy though.

YouRat · 04/08/2017 19:33

I also agree with your husband.

Leeds2 · 04/08/2017 19:33

I agree with your DH! Your friends will probably be grateful if you suggest cutting back.

honeylulu · 04/08/2017 19:34

I think that's fine. I've reached a few agreements like this over recent years. We always say if it's an actual party we will being a present because it would seem a bit weird otherwise.
Massively liberating - I don't mean the expense but the thinking, planning, shopping, delivering ...

BluePheasant · 04/08/2017 19:36

20 children! Yes that's a lot to buy for especially if you have nieces and nephews to buy for as well. I had to cut back a bit last year, was getting silly and we hardly ever saw one of them anyway. I just said do you mind if we stop doing presents as have so many in the family to buy for now. Other parent was relieved as they felt the same!

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 04/08/2017 19:46

Agree with your husband I would absolutely nip it in the bud with all but close friends and family that you see regularly and your DC know too.

I had this when my DC were small with a few friends and just sent a polite text asking if we could stop it and suspect friends were probably relieved!

Allthebestnamesareused · 04/08/2017 19:50

But do it now before they get your kids stuff.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/08/2017 19:59

I've only ever bought a present for a friend's child when invited to a party. Do they actually remember the birthdays independently?

As a child, there was one friend of my mother's who gave us presents, but stopped once she had children of her own.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/08/2017 20:04

I only buy for one friend's child at Xmas. We've always done it and meet regularly. Dd always goes to his parties and he always comes to dds parties. As they get older (now 9), I am aware this may not happen and plan perhaps to go bowling as a family or something to mark the occasion. 20 is too many and is totally out of hand.

Bringmewineandcake · 04/08/2017 20:05

Yes you just need to say it! We did this last Christmas with friends and everyone was relieved that the idea had been raised.

ScaramangasThirdNipple · 04/08/2017 20:08

Your husband is right. To be honest some if not most of your friends are probably thinking the same thing and will leap at the suggestion.

I buy for family only, and godchildren. I might bring a token gift like stickers or sweets for kids if I'm visiting their home but that's about it.

ScaramangasThirdNipple · 04/08/2017 20:09

And it's not just an expense thing, it's an admin thing too. Who needs the hassle of remembering birthday gifts for an extra 10 kids throughout the year.

ScaramangasThirdNipple · 04/08/2017 20:10

Sorry, an extra 20(!!) kids. Ain't no one got time for that.

Haudyerwheesht · 04/08/2017 20:12

I agree with your husband.

We buy for 6 nieces and nephews and 1 godson. Also my best friends 2 boys at Christmas only.

CurlyMango · 04/08/2017 21:18

Agree with your dh here.

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