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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask your experiences of chaning a childs surname

21 replies

needpolldeedpoll · 04/08/2017 18:52

Horrendous dv relationship, restraining order against ex. Conviction for assaulr and threats to kill. He has had no child contact in 7 months.

I know I need to apply to court to change their names but how likely am I to be successful?

OP posts:

Mrscropley · 04/08/2017 18:54

You can change it. . He will have to apply to court to force you to change it back. .
Doubt his argument would be supported given he is a class A twat. .

Brittbugs80 · 04/08/2017 19:04

Done it.

You need his permission as he has PR. Courts will probably only allow a double barrel of the surname as they like a family link maintained.

Find a solicitor and they will write to him asking for his permission. If he refuses you can take it to Court and the Judge will decide. This is where they will say you need to keep his name too.

We double barreled with my son's name new name last, so he went from Pea to Pea Soup. He is known as Soup and the pea soup only appears on passport, bank account and official records.

You will get people on here saying you can do it yourself in a week and you don't need his permission but that's not quite true. I got torn apart on a similar thread for sharing my experience and correcting people. We started name change last August and it completed Feb this year.

Brittbugs80 · 04/08/2017 19:05

And we've had NC for two years and he tried to kill our child alongside himself and the court still insisted on a family link. He can drop the ex's name himself when he gets to 16.

Whatthefudger · 04/08/2017 19:10

It's very very hard to do without permission. The only one I've seen was where the surname could easily link the child to a parent who had committed a very serious crime.

Original poster

needpolldeedpoll · 04/08/2017 19:15

I dont mind double barralling as I would do the same with just using my part. Looks like court it is!

OP posts:

Squirmy65ghyg · 04/08/2017 19:23

Brittbugs are you serious? I cannot believe that. I feel so sorry for you.

I am in the process of getting PR removed from abusive exh who disappeared abroad after I finally had enough of his crap and luckily the court approved it (after asking me to try harder to find him ffs) - the same court allowed someone with a history of appalling dv to keep contact with their children.

I am shocked.

youarenotkiddingme · 04/08/2017 19:25

You need permission from anyone with PR.

And once it's done and you have to get new passports or change name they will also want a signed letter from those with PR to say they agree to it.

Original poster

needpolldeedpoll · 04/08/2017 19:39

brittbugs cant believe so mang evil bastards seem to exist.

Some of my exes finest moments include trying to set fire to the flat with me and dd locked in, throwing knives at me with our 2 week old in my arms, strangling me with our baby in my arms. far too many incidents :(

OP posts:

NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 04/08/2017 19:42

Thy can use any name you like day to day, the only thing I haven't been able to change is passports but we rarely go abroad so it's not really an issue.

Mine are fine for school, nhs records, clubs etc.

Original poster

needpolldeedpoll · 04/08/2017 19:43

I have applied via ukdeedpoll using the absent father option for good reason not to contact and when we go to court for a cao then I will get it legalised enough for passport then.

OP posts:

youarenotkiddingme · 04/08/2017 19:51

When ds started school they wouldn't let him use the double barelled surname (Dad-mum) because it wasn't like that on his birth certificate. He'd used it up until then no problem except passport.

That's why I changed it via deed poll.

user1498586998 · 04/08/2017 20:05

This thread is very intersecting to me as I'm going through the same thing. I emailed deed poll to clarify as me and ex are nc due to history of dv. I was told if I have sole custody (I have a residency order in place) then there shouldn't be a problem?

KanielOutis · 04/08/2017 20:27

I changed my children's name by deed poll. The solicitor needed ExH to come into the office with his ID and sign under witness. Afterwards the passport office needed a signed letter from ExH as well as the deed poll. School, doctors and dentist accepted just the deed poll.

ollieplimsoles · 04/08/2017 20:45

Christ i cant believe how evil and shit some people can be and judges still insist on latching said shitbag's name onto a child for the sake of 'family link' just... ugh.

TeenAndTween · 04/08/2017 20:56

When they do GCSEs they have to use their legal name not any 'known as' name, so certificates and birth certificates tie up (or something).
So if you really want rid you'll need to do something otherwise it will follow them around.

Also if doing DBS checks later in life they need to put any names after age 10 (age of criminal responsibility?) so another reason for changing sooner rather than later if you can.

LittleWingSoul · 04/08/2017 21:04

Insane isn't it? Not as bad as some of pp's stories but also escaped DV relationship. It's funny how surname seems to be soooo important to these men when say, providing for their child or not being a violent, aggressive and emotionally abusive dick is so low down on their list.

Managed to avoid court as I printed out the deed poll forms and somehow my DD's dad agreed to a double barrel (with no hyphen) back when he still had contact.

So on her passport she is Little Wing but we just use Wing for school, doctors etc. with no problems at all.

Now that I have remarried and her little brother's surname is Bird, she wants to change it to Bird too. I've suggested that when she starts high school we can try saying she'd prefer to be called Bird... I think it will probably be ok so long as 'Wing' appears on official docs e.g. for GCSEs

Good luck OP

LittleWingSoul · 04/08/2017 21:07

TeenAndTween the surname on my GCSE certificates is not the same as my birth certificate (it is a double barrelled surname rather than single surname) and it has never once been an issue. Also, you don't often have to show the actual certificates to anyone but I get what you are saying

LittleWingSoul · 04/08/2017 21:11

KanielOutis the passport office didn't require a letter from my ex for the deed poll, just the signed deed poll form. Maybe I was just lucky, doubt I would have easily got that letter from him!

TeenAndTween · 04/08/2017 21:20

LittleWingSoul I am sort of only repeating what we were told by school when DD did her GCSEs.

Though surprisingly I had to show my exam/degree certificates when we adopted (to prove we weren't lying), and DD1 has recently started work and had to show her passport and GCSE certificates (and have a DBS check).

LittleWingSoul · 05/08/2017 01:22

I don't know how I've got away with it on my certificates! I suppose so long as the name can be linked back (on DBS or certificates or anything) it is all legit. And it isn't a 100% different name either I guess, just elements of it which must be really common.

FleasSitOnPeas · 05/08/2017 01:35

TeenAndTween I'm another double barreler that only has one of the surnames on my GCSE and A level certificates (so not matching my birth certificate). I've had no problems. My full name is on my degree though. I guess no one checked/was bothered.

Good luck OP.

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