Stillonthatbloodycomputer - will this do? The Spanish is courtesy of Google Translate and may need some correcting!
To the tune of 'There's a hole in my bucket':
Wattyyyy: There's a hole in your kitchen, dear neighbours, dear neighbours, there's a hole in your kitchen, dear neighbours, a hole.
CFB: Oh crap, we've been rumbled by Wattyyyy, by Wattyyyy, oh crap, we've been rumbled by Wattyyyy, oh crap.
Wattyyyy: Can you please come and visit, dear planning, dear planning, can you please come and visit, dear planning, please come?
Planners: We'll be there in the morning, dear Wattyyyy, dear Wattyyyy, we'll be there in the morning, dear Wattty, be there.
Planners: What the fuck have they done here, to this listed building, what the fuck have they done here, it's listed, the twats!
Wattyyyy: I am phoning my SpanGran, dear Mumsnet, dear Mumsnet, I am phoning my SpanGran, she'll soon put them right.
SpanGran: Voy a ir a Inglaterra, querido, querido, vay a ir a Inglaterra, querido, yo voy.
Friend: I will chat up nice shop man, and buy wine, and buy wine, I will chat up nice shop man and buy us more wine.
Wattyyyy: I've put signs in my garden, dear neighbours, dear neighbours, I've put signs in my garden, dear neighbours, KEEP OUT!
Friend: I will duct tape your shit doors, dear neighbours, dear neighbours, I will duct tape your shit doors, dear neighbours, KEEP OUT!
Wattyyyy: The builders have come back, dear Mumsnet, dear Mumsnet, the builders have come back, dear Mumsnet, come back.
Other friend: Block them in with this huge bench, dear Wattyyyy, dear Wattyyyy, block them in with this huge bench, dear Wattty, this bench.
SpanGran: I will make us sangria, dear Wattyyyy, dear Wattyyyy, I will make us sangria, dear Wattty, let's drink.
Mumsnet: We're all far too invested, dear Wattyyyy, dear Wattyyyy, we're all far too invested, dear Wattyyyy, don't stop!