To try to speak to the people who were with my dad when he died?

[MissHMS]

On Tuesday I was on holiday in Kefalonia. At about half past nine, I got a call from a local hospital (local to where I live in the U.K. - my dad wasn't on holiday with us) saying my dad had had a huge heart attack and passed away.

I'm very close to my dad, to the point where we bought a house together five years ago and he's been living with me, my partner and our two kids very happily. He was in relatively good health, although had been saying he felt a bit unwell since coming back from his own holiday with his friends last week.

He took himself to the hospital on Monday night without telling us (not wanting to worry us). My brother was with him and he didn't go to the hospital because they both thought he was just feeling a bit breathless and would be ok.
The hospital kept him in overnight and he had the heart attack the next morning.

AIBU to ring the hospital and ask if I could go and speak to the nurses and doctors who looked after him?

I feel very sad that he was alone when he died, guilty for being away and awful for my brother, who massively regrets not going with him.
I feel a real need to know what happened, and I know it sounds silly, but for the people who took care of him to know he was loved, not just left alone because nobody cared about him. I'd also like to thank the person who I spoke to on the phone.

But I know NHS staff are ridiculously busy and they should really be looking after sick people who need them and I don't want to waste NHS time/resources etc. Also not sure what hospital policy is on this kind of thing.

What do you think?

The hospital staff will make time to talk to you and they won't think you are unreasonable at all - many, many people do this.

My dad died six years ago, but at home, in his sleep - it was an awful shock. Sympathies to you.

MissHMS I am so very sorry for your loss.

Your dad sounds like a lovely person and you as a family sound lovely too.

so sorry for your loss. you should give them a call to see what day would be ok to make sure they are in that day , just explain what happened etc and feel you need to come and see them, they looked after your dad and would have done everything they could, im sure they would appreciate chocolates or something as nurses and doctors work very long hours with no thanks half the time. someone always has to be the person that breaks bad news and its really not easy for them either. my dad was in hospital not long ago and found out he has a heart condition. im so grateful to the nurses and doctors and the ambulance crew who looked after my dad and found out what caused him to be unwell. the nurse kept coming up to see if we were ok etc and told us what kid of tests they were doing next, didnt complain that there were 4 of us trying to squeeze in the small room to sit with my dad (only meant to be 2 per room with patient) but i think it would help you as well as them again sorry for your loss

I just called the hospital and they put me through to the ward where he was staying.

The lady I spoke to was lovely. She told me the name of the doctor/nurse who rang me and told me she would be working again on Thursday. She said mid-morning would be a good time to go in. I will take some chocolates and flowers.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and giving your advice. You've all made a really awful time a bit easier.

So sorry for your loss - I'm sure the hospital would accommodate you as PP have said

I just want to say I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely Dad

Glad you've got in touch and I hope your visit gives you some closure. No advice to offer, but I'm so sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss. My dad died suddenly with a heart attack alone in hospital and my mum asked for a chat with a dr later. Dr was very kind and explained things in a way that was reassuring for my mum, that he wasn't in pain. I would definitely request this.

I am so sorry for your loss.
I am sure that the ward manager would speak to you if you ask - maybe they could make an appointment or something? i dont know , but i hope they can help you.
it must have been a shock for you all.
take care.x

Ex nurse here. The ward,/ unit staff would be very happy to talk to you. They would see it as part of they job. Call and ask to speak to someone in charge. They will be able to tell you the best time to come in.

Sorry for your loss

I work in emergency care and have had relatives turn up before usually due to sudden death. Always happy to talk through and explain. Please go x

I hope you find some comfort from talking to the staff op. I must admit I've blubbed a bit from your post, I can totally empathise with the shock you are feeling. It does get easier with time.

One thing that did help me was viewing my mums body. I know it's not for everyone but I couldn't fully accept she had died until I saw her.

Anyway I'm sorry for your loss and I hope your meeting goes well

My dad died suddenly from a heart attack also. He died on the floor on his own and the guilt is with me every day. I've spoken to numerous people about the guilt and I remember one person saying would you ever begrudge one of your children not being there (Not sure if you have kids )and no i wouldn't and I certainly wouldn't want my kids feeling bad after. I'd just want to know my kids were happy and safe as we all do.

Im so sorry for your loss

I lost my dad suddenly. Everything you feel is normal. Wanting to know what happened. Feeling guilty. Wondering why. It's all part of loosing him. My heart goes out to you.

He loved you and you loved him he would have known that when he passed weather you were there or not.

So very sorry for your loss OP, my dad died in similar sounding circumstances and it was such a complete shock, it took me a long long time to process it. I spoke to the policeman who was with him before the ambulance arrived and knowing that someone was there holding his hand in his last moments was a massive comfort. I hope that you can also take some comfort from your visit next week. I am thinking of you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum had a stroke when I lived in Italy. It took a couple of days to get time from work, sort flights, get someone to house/dog sit. I was able to call the hospital in Aberdeen and the doctor and nurses could not have been more helpful and understanding.

My dad died last year after a heart attack. He lived 300 miles away and it happened within minutes, so I didn't get to say goodbye other than the A and E doctor kindly putting the phone to his ear for me - when I got to the hospital the next day I spoke to the doctors and nurses and it helped massively.

It's a huge shock when it happens like that so take it very easy on yourself and try to let other people help as much as you can. I'm really very sorry for your loss.

If you feel you can, please come back and let us know if the conversation on Thursday helps.

I sincerely hope it does, even just to mend you a little bit.

Xx