To not want unsolicited gift ideas?

[RainbowSnow]

A member of my family-in-law sends unsolicited email lists of birthday/christmas gift ideas for her DD. TBH I don't mind ideas for gifts - we don't see them that often. It's that I haven't asked for the lists that I find somewhat rude.

Is it just me? Any ideas how to stop it with out being rude myself? Perhaps I just need to woman up and ignore them (or just buy the things on them)!

I'm not very good at gift buying, so I'd probably appreciate the help. As long as it didn't list only ridiculously expensive options, and wasn't intended as a demand for gifts I really wouldn't have a problem with this.

I might ask DH to draw up one - he's impossible to buy gifts for...

I hope you stubbornly refuse to buy anything on the lists.... I hate that shit too!

I think nothing wrong with sending a present list providing you have been asked to send one. Sending one out without being asked is just rude so YANBU

That's spectacularly rude behaviour on the part of the sender.

I hope you studiously avoid buying anything from the lists, but then I can be petty

In my family, birthday and christmas lists are expected, so sending one before being asked is seen as being helpful and considerate, rather than rude or demanding. Unusual, I know, but different families have different cultures!

Is this the norm for your partner's family, or for the family of the person who sends the list?

I don't think it's normal for their family - certainty not for my husband's family - but possibly I guess for my SILs in-laws. I don't think it is tho - I think she's just trying to control what presents they might receive!

I have a relative who put a wish list on Facebook for her DD's impending arrival. Baby clothes, bottles, cot, nursing bras and new clothes for the new mum to wear at the christening were all included...!!

To be fair I would appreciate it.

Oops pressed too soon.

I would appreciate it but I totally can see why it would be a bit grabby.

My father in law usually calls us early December with someone he tells us we can get him or pay him money towards. It's always far too late as I've already bought stuff in September/October.

But my in laws I don't see so a list would make it easier.

I'm too polite to do anything like that, though I wish I could (or that they'd just ask!). My in-laws spend a fortune on things that aren't age appropriate (usually too babyish) so we just end up 'recycling' gifts and giving them to friends' younger children. We then replace the gifts with things our children would like or get some use out of so they don't lose out.

Don't get me wrong, my in laws are lovely and we appreciate the gifts. I just feel bad and quite awkward when the children clearly aren't interested.

I also don't get it when people buy Christmas-themed outfits knowing that they won't see you until after Christmas and they will be too small by next year, so they never actually get worn! We get this every year.

Another vote here for yanbu, but I personally would appreciate it so I know what to buy!

Can't you just ignore the email?
What is the actual issue with the list anyways?

I don't mind lists at all. I mind very much being sent one unsolicited. ^
^
A family member once sent me a Christmas one in August

Sorry rebel don't know why those arrows are there, wasn't referring to you specifically!

I do this (wonder if you are sil) but dh said bil asked. I send ideas out as a help to family who usually ask. With 3 dds there is always a danger of duplicates and bil only sees dc every few months so doesn't know what they already own or are interested in. We've just cleared out and had 4 versions of the game operation! By all means family can go off list, it's not a demand and only goes to immediate family as a sensible way to ensure relatives can give dc a gift they'll love. Every family is different but to me it makes total sense to "control" or guide what enters my house and prevent people wasting money on pointless gifts. Yes I'm grateful when dc are given gifts but I really don't need 6 Tabby mcTat books (and books can't be returned).

I guess dbil gets one unsolicited most years as he has asked in the past but is pretty scatty. For close family it's pretty clear you'd get a gift so I don't get the issue. It's just sensible imo.

I've come to think that different families just do things differently. It's certainly not something my family has done once we were older than 12 (and even then it was only a list for our immediate family- never sent to cousins/friends/grandparents etc) but we've just been sent a birthday list for my BiL (who's 29 in two months time) and most of the items are £40-80... definitely out of our gift budget! I always find it a bit odd and it irks me slightly but then I suppose that's my own discomfort at the idea of doing it as it wouldn't ever occur to me to write a birthday list let alone send it out to people!! (I'm similar age to BiL).

Incredibly presumptuous and rude. Also comes across as a little bit thick, or at least gauche.

I think it's rude unless you've asked for ideas, but different families do different things and make the incorrect assumption that everyone feels the same way. One of my BILs has a habit of thinking (a) I have the budget to spend 3x more on presents for him, my sister and their numerous DCs than I do and (b) that a gift idea is a 'done deal'. So I just get him and Dsis some booze/chocolate and choose something I think the kids will like (preferably something noisy or messy)

Don't panic MotherofDragons - I'm sure from what you have put its not you! And thanks for your views - perhaps someone did ask for a list in the past and it has got into a pattern. And aargh MummaBubs - good luck with BILs gift!