To hate the phrase "we can leave that for the cleaner"

[Rainatnight]

DP's favourite thing is to say about any given housework "we can leave that for the cleaner".

AIBU to think that there are some things you just can't either because it's inappropriate or not a good use of her time? Examples include last night's dishes, emptying the bin, stripping the bedclothes upon which I just started my period (slightly) in the night, putting away all of DD's toys...

I'm so fed up because it seems like the cleaner is the magic solution to these tasks whereas they fall to me, but DP doesn't think we should be doing them in the first place!

To be fair, DP is generally great, and she's working more than full time while I'm home with the baby. But we do differ on household standards. (And for full disclosure, we're both women so there's not that gender stuff that often comes into play on these issues).

I just needed to rant because I'm in the middle of a massive bout of housework that DP thought 'could be left for the cleaner'.

Surely it depends on what the cleaner is contracted to do, and how many hours he/she works?

Besides blood on a bedsheet, we do leave all of that for our cleaner. She's 5 days a week though. I wouldn't leave dishes for longer than overnight.

Our children (attempt to) tidy their own bedrooms and help her tidy toys at the end of the day.

Examples include last night's dishes, emptying the bin, stripping the bedclothes upon which I just started my period (slightly) in the night, putting away all of DD's toys...

None of that we expect our cleaner to do, although surely you had a conversation about what you wanted your cleaner to do?

All the toys and tidying up have to be done prior to cleaner coming, and we make DD tidy her room.

YANBU, because out of all those tasks, I would only consider emptying the bin as a task that a cleaner would do. Dishes, stripping beds and tidying toys are not things a cleaner does, they are things you do so that a cleaner is able to do their job - which is clean, not pick up after you.

our issue: DD blaming cleaner for moving things so she can't find them (aka DD hasn't put it back in the right place so is blame shifting)

Blood stained sheets & Last nights dishes imo are no things that a cleaner should be doing

Does you cleaner put away your dd toys?

I have a cleaner three times a week for 3 hours a time but she actually cleans, she isn't there to put my dc toys away. She does change the beds but I'd never leave blood stained sheets "for the cleaner", oh and I can load my own dishwasher

I agree with you. Most people don't have a cleaner so that can do absolutely nothing. Unless it's a full-time live-in housekeeper.

My cleaner empties rhe bins. She also strips and changes the beds.

However if the sheets were stained with blood I would do it, I certainly would not ask her to do it. We do the dishes, or load and empty the dishwasher more accurately, she doesn't do that.

If you're paying the cleaner for enough hours to cover the additional tasks and he/she is happy to do them, then I don't see the problem.

If you're leaving shit bits of jobs and expecting your cleaner to turn a miracle in a small amount of time then you're being unreasonable. Cleaners primarily clean. If you want tidying in the same time frame then you'll be sacrificing cleaning time.

I'd be thoroughly ashamed to leave bloody sheets on the bed though.

Blood stained sheets I think is polite for you to deal with yourself. DD can probably learn to pick up after herself.

The rest, a different way of looking at it; your DP is trying to be nice to you. She works long hours, she wants to spend relaxed time with you and DD when she is home, and for you to be happy. To facilitate this she is paying for a cleaner so you don't have to do housework even though you are a SAHM and you are making a rod for your own back by refusing to let the cleaner help you. Instead you are doing the cleaners job and getting annoyed about it. Leave the housework, realise how lucky you are to have the luxury of a cleaner and go play with DD or take her to the park or something. Life is too short to do unnecessary housework.

Isnt that exactly what a cleaner is for? (The sheets are grim-sort that yourself)

But if theyre doing extra stuff be prepared to pay more or have other stuff not done

You need to have a chat with cleaner and DH about what is expected.

Our cleaner comes once a week, and therefore only cleans. So we do the tidying to leave floors and surfaces clear for cleaning.

It amazes me how many people say, "you are cleaning for the cleaner????!!!". Cleaning and tidying is different -tidying is putting everything where it is supposed to be (if you can't keep a house tidy it's usually a lack of places to put things) and cleaning is, well, cleaning.

You have a choice really -keep the house tidy on a day to day basis, which usually requires good storage and organisation, or have a tidy before the cleaner comes.

I think you need to talk to your cleaner, see what they feel comfortable doing and what they feel they can reasonably get done in the time allotted.
Ideally if you can have this conversation with your cleaner together with your DP then you can all have an understanding of what is to be left for the cleaner and what isn't.

My thoughts is that a cleaner cleans, they don't tidy up. My cleaner does strip my bedding, and put fresh on but that is something we agreed upon at the start.

Cleaners for us tidy and clean - and yet, it still seems to be that a fair few of the jobs the cleaner does are the ones that DP should be doing, and the ones that I do I still do.......

We tidy, wash dishes and do some of the laundry. Everything else is indeed left to the cleaner. I don't think a small blood stain (presumably dry as from last night) is "grim"; unless the saliva, sweat and who knows what else on the sheets are also "grim". In which case, no cleaner should ever strip a bed.

We don't have a cleaner but do have similar discussions about chores that I feel need doing today but DH thinks can just be left until some vague point in the future. eg he might suggest watching something on TV and I might say 'I've got to clean the bathrooms' and he'd just say not to worry about it and leave it to another day which somehow irritates me.
I am not a super houseproud person with a spotless house (loads of other people I visit have much tidier houses than us) so if I think something needs doing it generally really does need doing. He just doesn't see the need for any kind of cleaning. He doesn't go to many other people's houses because he works full time and I don't so I visit other mums a lot more often, so I think maybe his view on what is an acceptable level of cleanliness might still be left over from his student days....

I am with you op. A cleaner is there to (hopefully!) do a professional job of cleaning and we need to facilitate that. A cleaner can't clean properly if they (within reason) have to tidy up first; especially personal items.

I have just given my teen a rocket about this very thing. We are going away on holiday tomorrow and our cleaner is going to be looking after our house and cleaning in our absence. I told the teen that they had to leave their room tidy and in order to facilitate this but I've just checked and they have left dirty laundry including underwear on the floor, dirty plates and cups scatttered about, it is horrible!

I told them in my best Jo Frost voice that this was "totally unacceptable" behaviour and who do they think they are expecting someone else to pick up their dirty underwear for them?

Depends on how often your cleaner comes and for how long. Obv I wouldn't leave blood-stained sheets for anyone else to deal with, but our cleaner comes for 4 hours once a fortnight. So she does the deep clean of bathrooms, vacuuming, oven cleaning etc, while we do more regular cleaning. If we had a cleaner a few times a week I'd leave more of the regular stuff for her to do probably. Sounds like you end up doing all these regular bits so your partner's statement is effectively a way to get out of doing it... if so that's unfair!

I always thought that the place was to be tidy so that a cleaner had the time and space to clean? It's what my mum always did. And no way should a cleaner be doing dishes or cleaning up dirty sheets.

And no way should a cleaner be doing dishes or cleaning up dirty sheets.

Why not? Our does dishes if any are out. She strips the beds every week, washes and dries them. I know there are cleaners who won't do loos or dishes or sheets or ironing, but such a cleaner would be of no use to me at all. I don't need to pay someone to do the light dusting.

I don't have a cleaner so I don't know the ins and outs, I'm only going on what my mum always said. She felt it was disrespectful to someone to have to sort out bedding (especially soiled) or do dishes. She paid a cleaner to clean, dust, mop, hoover and straighten the place up. The rest of it we all did.